What Is Disenfranchised Grief?

In 1989, psychologist, educator and author Kenneth Doka, Ph.D.  coined the term “disenfranchised grief” to describe the experience of people whose grief is not acknowledged by society due to the nature of their loss. Specifically, he outlined social, political and cultural norms that determine what losses are considered “worthy” of grief and which are not. He also addressed the suffering that denying mourners a socially acceptable outlet for their grief can cause. Doka’s theory of disenfranchised grief has since become widely accepted by mainstream psychologists and grief counselors worldwide. 

Also known as unacknowledged grief or hidden grief, disenfranchised grief can result from many different kinds of loss. These include: 

Unacknowledged relationships 

Many people have close ties to others that, for whatever reason, they choose to hide from friends and family. Lingering ties may also still exist between people who are no longer close but who shared a significant portion of their lives. Some examples or unacknowledged relationships include:

• A partner that you haven’t openly acknowledged, such as the LGBTQ+ partner of someone who is not “out” or a romantic partner who is married or in a relationship with someone else. 
• An ex-spouse or partner 
• A birth mother or father of an adopted child or adult
• An unborn child

When these relationships end, the grieving person is often denied the support and understanding of others because they feel compelled by social norms to pretend the loss didn’t happen or wasn’t important to them. 

Children and people with developmental disabilities may also go unacknowledged when they suffer a loss because loved ones think they are too young or too intellectually challenged to mourn. Unfortunately, this is almost never the case. 

“Less” Significant Relationships

In our society, we tend to rank relationships in terms of their “importance.” Our relationships with spouses, siblings, children and parents are ranked high in the social hierarchy, whereas other relationships are seen as less significant. Some examples of these relationships include:

• A friend or co-worker
• A pet
• A teacher or mentor
• A cousin, niece or nephew
• A grandparent

Of course, when you love someone or something, that relationship is not insignificant to you, and your grief after their death may be intense. Nonetheless, it’s not uncommon for people who have experienced such losses to find that friends and family can’t acknowledge or relate to the depth of their pain. 

Intangible Losses

Also known as “ambiguous losses,” intangible losses are losses of things we value that are not associated with someone’s death. An ambiguous loss may seem negligible or unimportant to others, but it can cause deep pain and long-lasting disenfranchised grief. Some examples of ambiguous losses include:

• Divorce
• Betrayal by a friend or romantic partner
• Loss of health (either one’s own or that of someone you love)
• Loss of financial security (such as being laid off or fired)

• Loss of a sense of safety or security (for instance, due to domestic violence, sexual assault or being robbed)
• Incarceration of a loved one
• Addiction in a loved one
• Someone in your life is missing and can’t be found
• Infertility
• Loss of a dream (for example, a child’s divorce, having to drop out of school)
• Loss of a home (to a fire, natural disaster, or act of war)

Although uniquely painful, ambiguous losses often go unacknowledged because they lack the finality of death. But it is precisely this lack of finality that often makes intangible losses so difficult to bear.

Stigmatized losses

Stigmatized losses or stigmatized deaths include those that society views as the “fault” of the person who died. Examples of stigmatized loss include:

• Overdose deaths
• Death by suicide
• Drunk driving deaths 
• Some homicide deaths
• Abortion

Because of the stigma attached to these “at fault” kinds of deaths, the families and loved ones of the person who died are often stigmatized as well. Many people feel that they can’t reach out for support because they will be viewed in a negative light, so they hide their pain and their grief. 

Sources

“Ambiguous Loss and Its Disenfranchisement: The Need for Social Work Intervention”. SAGE Journals. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1044389418799937