Are There Any Special Considerations When Planning a Funeral for Someone Who Identifies as LGBTQ?

When planning a funeral for someone who identifies as LGBTQ+, it is important to honor their legacy and celebrate their life with authenticity. This often involves including their chosen family, cherished relationships, and sharing their personal journey. If they had a preferred name, this should be used throughout the service, as should any preferred pronouns, and included in any associated materials. Using a birth name or any other former name when referring to a transgender or non-binary person is known as deadnaming and is considered to be immensely disrespectful since it communicates a lack of respect for the person’s identity, transition, and preferences. It is often seen as a form of discrimination and harassment. 

If the person who died has already handled their funeral planning prior to their death, they may have already determined most of the arrangements and logistics of the funeral. Sometimes, there may be unresolved issues between the person who died and their family, which is why it is crucial to be mindful of their biological family and their chosen family. Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for individuals in the LGBTQ+ community to be alienated from their biological families. Since this is frequently a source of trauma, it is important to be considerate of who is invited to the funeral service. Similarly, it can be helpful to identify an officiant who can lead the service with sensitivity, compassion, and respect for the person who died. 

As a general best practice, the funeral should be structured in a manner that aligns with the personal preferences of the person who died. For example, some individuals may be more expressive and open regarding their identity, while others may be more subtle. Many individuals are not able to come out about their identity due to their personal circumstances, and this should be taken into consideration when planning their funeral. It is essential to be mindful of these factors to ensure that the person who died is represented appropriately. 

Carefully selecting attendees, choosing an officiant, using appropriate language, and personalizing the funeral space will help ensure that the funeral is a memorable tribute to the person who died. Dedicating time to remember them with others who made them feel seen, heard, and respected is crucial to honoring their legacy. Ultimately, the goal should be to honor their life in a way that would make them feel accepted and loved. 

Sources 

“Funeral planning in the LGBTQ+ community.” Funeral Wise. https://www.funeralwise.com/funeral-planning-in-the-lgbtq-community/ 

“How to plan an LGBTQ+ celebration of life.” Dignity Memorial. https://www.dignitymemorial.com/memorial-services/planning-a-celebration-of-life/lgbtq-planning-guide