Planning a Celebration of Life or Remembrance Event: Step-by-Step Guide

For those grieving the loss of a loved one, planning a special remembrance or memorial service can be an important — and healing — part of celebrating that person’s memory. This step-by-step planning guide and accompanying checklist will help you create an event from start to finish that offers comfort and honors the person who died.

A service can take place any time before or after the death of the person being remembered, and there are no rules or set guidelines one must adhere to. For some, the event may be a traditional funeral service in keeping with religious beliefs. For others it offers a chance to break with tradition to create a personalized event at a unique and meaningful location. 

Some people who have a terminal illness choose to have a joyful celebration with friends and family known as a DeParty before they die. Some families may have a small graveside service shortly after their loved one’s death and then invite family and friends to gather at a later date to celebrate the person’s life. With cremation becoming a more popular option, many are incorporating a celebration of life with an ash scattering ceremony. Take some time to consider how your loved one would want to be remembered — this can be especially poignant if the person you’re celebrating was a teen, child or infant. 

Alternately, the person who died may have left specific memorial service instructions, or you may be planning your own event. Create your event to be as personalized as you’d like, keeping in mind that it’s for those left behind as well as the person being honored. For an after-death memorial, you can start to consider your ceremonial options after the final disposition is set. 

Whatever direction you go, planning a celebration of life comes with many questions and can feel overwhelming, especially if your grief is fresh. To make things a little easier, we have outlined some suggestions and ideas to help streamline the process. Our intent is to offer you the most comprehensive Step-by-Step Planning Guide to arrange a memorial or celebration of life.  

For more specific suggestions, see our sections on Planning a Funeral and Memorial Ideas. You can also refer to our easy-to-follow checklist as you think through your ideas.

And be sure to check out our ebook “SevenPonds 7 Ways to Create an Amazing Celebration of Life” for ideas and images to inspire your service even more!

Jump Ahead to a Topic

A. Determine your budget
B. Enlist assistance in planning
C. Determine the size of the event and who will be invited
D. Choose the type of memorial service you desire
E. Plan a date, time and length of service
F. Choose a location and venue
G. Designate who will assist facilitating the event
H. Plan decorations to create a theme
I. Choose your flowers 
J. Decide on food and refreshments
K. Select music
L. Consider assembling a video tribute
M. Hire a photographer and videographer
N. Consider memorial favors to guests
O. Create a memory book or memory board
P. Plan an activity
Q. Bring in cultural customs
R. Plan a display, welcome table, altar or eulogy backdrop
S. Plan the seating and eulogy location
T. Select speakers for the eulogy
U. Decide a format for the service program
V. Assemble a program with an agenda
W. Consider guest attire
X. Choose preferences regarding flowers, gifts and donations
Y. Decide how to invite attendees
Z. Publish an obituary to announce the celebration
AA. Finalize decisions to get started
AB. Don’t forget to thank those who were helpful
AC. Extra tip: create a daily or annual remembrance ritual

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A. Determine your budget

First, you need to determine how much money you’d like to spend on the memorial service. If your loved one allocated funds in a joint savings or in a will, trust or payable-on-death account, you may be able to use that for a service. Or, the person who died may have entered into a pre-need agreement with a funeral home or crematory to include a service — in this case, be sure to refer to the specific contract for details. 

In cases where funds are limited, you might consider planning a simple service soon after the person’s death and saving up for a more elaborate memorial service at a later date. If your budget is generous, you may want to hire an event planner to manage the process. Even with a planner, this guide can help you choose elements to include as part of your big celebration of life. 

As with any event, the amount of money available greatly influences its scale and scope, though a budget of any level can produce a thoughtful, meaningful service. It’s a good idea to establish your budget before beginning planning. To help you keep track of expenses, we have provided an accompanying printable checklist to assist you in managing costs and staying within your budget.

B. Enlist assistance in planning

Planning any event can be stressful and difficult — planning a memorial or funeral service while you are grieving is, for most people, too much to do alone. Depending on what kind of service you have in mind, friends and family may be able to take care of the tasks you can’t handle yourself. Don’t refuse offers to help, and ask those who are happy to assist you.

If you feel the need for greater assistance, you may wish to hire a celebrant who can officiate at the service and also help you plan the event. Look for someone who has experience in helping mourning families incorporate personalized rituals that reflect the values and beliefs of the person who died. For San Francisco Bay locals, our local venues and services section will help you find a qualified celebrant near you. 

If you are planning an elaborate service or there will be many guests attending the event, you may wish to consider hiring an event planner to help. Many event planners today specialize in funerals and memorial services, and will work with a funeral director to manage details that are difficult for the family to manage on their own. They may also help with creating a guest list, arranging accommodations, choosing a venue, finding a caterer and locating a celebrant to officiate. 

If you are pre-planning your own service, which can be a great gift to your children or family members to alleviate the burden, selecting disposition is one of the most important first steps in the process. If you have not made a decision on the disposition method check out our SevenPonds Comprehensive Step-by-Step Planning Guide: Choosing Funeral Arrangements and Disposition.

C. Determine the size of the event and who will be invited

First, make a list of potential attendees. This list will depend on your budget, timing and what type or how many events you want to have. Besides family and close friends, you might consider inviting your loved one’s peers, co-workers or members of groups he or she belonged to, such as a book club or a sports team. It’s best to develop the guest list early on as this will impact the size and location of the event. 

Some families may want to keep the services small and intimate to allow for people to freely share stories of the loved one. Others may wish to have a public speaker, which may warrant a large event where anyone from the community can feel free to attend without a formal invitation. The scope of the event and the size of your guest list will significantly influence your location choice as you must make sure there is enough space for your guests. If you intend to have a large group, you may want to opt for an outdoor service, weather-permitting. You should also consider the needs of children and disabled guests, and if you’d like to arrange a hotel for out-of-town attendees. 

If you are unsure of who to invite, reach out to various friends or family members of the person being honored to gather a list of names and contact information. Be sure to check the address book of the person who died for more contacts to include. 

D. Choose the type of memorial service you desire

When you’ve decided how large your event will be, you’re ready to decide what kind of service — and/or how many — you wish to have. There’s no lack of creative and meaningful ways to put on a memorable event. We’ve come a long way from the “traditional funeral” to embrace all kinds of celebrations that may better memorialize you or a loved one. 

Today, many people are choosing to plan a personalized event at a meaningful location, while others may personalize elements of a more traditional service. Choose or create an event that suits the person being celebrated. And remember that anything goes, so don’t feel the need to limit yourself should you have new ideas for a unique celebration. 

Do keep in mind that the choice of final disposition may determine the type of service. For example if your loved one has been cremated, you might want to have a meal at one location and move to another for an ash scattering. You also have the option to wait for many months until everyone is able to assemble at a special location. With any disposition, you may opt for a small service restricted to family members, a larger one for everyone who knew the person who died or both. Also, if your service is outdoors, it’s helpful to have weather backup plans. 

When starting to plan your service, you need to make some important decisions.

Size of Service

• Do you prefer a small, medium or large event?
• Will your service be private? 
• Will it be casual or formal?
• Will you have more than one event?

Here’s an overview of the most popular types of services held today.

1. Memorial Service or Celebration of Life
Of the many options available to honor the person who died, a memorial service or celebration of life tends to be the most flexible. Although a memorial service is traditionally viewed as a time to come together and mourn the person who died, it can also be a more festive, celebratory occasion. Similarly, a celebration of life is both a time to mourn together and to share happy memories. In today’s vernacular, the terms are more or less interchangeable.

You may choose to have a simple memorial service where a small number of people gather to say a few words. Or, you might prefer to have a grand celebration, like a party with dancing and activities. It can be held anywhere from a private residence to a mountaintop. If you choose, you can make it into a weekend event or a destination location, allowing family more time to grieve and bond over the loss.

The timing of a memorial service or celebration of life is also quite flexible. Some families choose to have a small ceremony for immediate family and friends shortly after the death and a more elaborate get together at a more convenient and less stressful time, anywhere from weeks or months to a year after death. Some may like to have a service on the person’s birthday or the anniversary of their death. There are no right or wrong ways to honor the person you love. Consider what is special to the person who died and to you and your family when planning a memorial event.

See our Planning a Funeral or Memorial Service and Memorial Service Ideas sections for some specific suggestions for venues, invitations, decorations, meals and more.

2. Ash Scattering Service
Following a cremation, you may wish to hold an ash scattering ceremony. When planning this event you’ll want to consider the method of scattering, the location, and who and how many people will scatter the ashes. Note that some areas have laws regarding ash scattering, which is important to keep in mind, though it’s legal in many locations throughout the U.S. 

Scatterings can take place on land, lake or sea. You can also opt for a more unique scattering method, such as via hot air balloon, plane or even a rocket. If desired, you can hire someone to take the ashes to a special, remote location to scatter. If your loved one expressed no preference before their death, think about where they enjoyed spending time while they were alive. 

You may wish to invite friends and loved ones to participate in an ash scattering ceremony. One person can scatter the ashes while the others are simply present, or it can be meaningful to divide ashes among family and friends so they can scatter some themselves. If only one person will handle the ashes, you can give guests fresh flower petals to scatter at the same time. A wide variety of vendors offer urns or cremation vessels to scatter ashes from; see Cremation and Burial Products in Local Resources for some lovely options. 

Also see Cremation Scattering Services in our Local Resources section. For more ideas about where and how to hold a meaningful ash scattering ceremony, see our section on Memorial Ideas. 

3. Home Funeral 
A home funeral is a celebration with the body of the honored loved one bathed and laid out in the home as part of the service for all to pay respects. Akin to a wake, this can be a wonderful way for family and friends to grieve in a deeply personal way — with it comes the comfort of being in the home and the time it allows to say goodbye. A home funeral requires the natural death care process and typically includes hiring a home funeral consultant to aid you in keeping the body at home. It’s possible to do this without a consultant, however you will need to plan and prepare for this in advance of death, and will most likely need assistance from family and friends. Learn more in our step-by-step instructions for Home Funerals and Natural Death Care.

Even if your loved one died outside the home, it’s possible to hold a home funeral. You will need to make arrangements to have their body transported, which can present some administrative hurdles and require filing paperwork. A home funeral consultant can help you with these details, along with educating you and your family about natural death care and the steps needed to preserve the body if the person died in the home. It’s ideal to contact this person before death has occurred. If you’re in the Bay Area, look for Home Funeral Consultants in our Local Resources section.

As you plan a home funeral, consider the location of the body in the house and how people will say their goodbyes. You can lay the loved one on a bed, on a couch or even outdoors in grass or in a garden. You may wish to wrap them in a beautiful cloth shroud. You can place them in a simple wooden casket or a cardboard container, which is easy to custom decorate, or even in a thoughtful handmade coffin. Perhaps you’ll dress them in special clothing or place personal items with them.

The intimacy of a home funeral service encourages open sharing of feelings and memories, and the shared tasks of caring for the body can give mourners a sense of control in a situation where they very often feel helpless and afraid. It will take a little preparation, but the rewards can be enormous.

4. Graveside Service, also known as a Committal Service 
If your loved one is being buried, whether in a casket or as cremains, a simple graveside service can bring mourners together to share their grief and say goodbye.

The first thing to consider for a graveside service is where the burial will take place. If you’d like to bury your loved one on private land, be sure to check local laws regarding private burial. Alternatively a natural burial, also known as green burial, takes place on a natural burial ground or green cemetery where family is often allowed to be involved in the burial process. If so, you’ll want to identify which friends and relatives can help conduct the necessary tasks, such as transporting the body, potentially digging the grave (based on the particular cemetery), and closing or scattering earth over the grave.

Wherever the burial location, you may wish to conduct a full graveside service with the help of an officiant, or simply ask family members or friends to share memories or eulogies. You may wish to read a favorite literary passage of your loved one or have a musician play a favorite song. A graveside service could be part of a string of events in different locations — for instance, the service may follow a home funeral or an event dinner. There are a variety of ways to incorporate a graveside service into your remembrance event, so feel free to be creative in your planning. 

Ways to personalize a graveside service can include:

• Floral decorations for the casket 
• Decorations within the area, woods or field, surrounding the burial location
• Flowers that guests can toss into the grave to help cover the casket
• A burial flag if your loved one served in the armed forces — you can apply with this form through the US Department of Veteran Affairs to receive a flag in the United States

5. Wake, Visitation or Viewing
You may wish to have a wake at a funeral home, an outside venue, or the home of family or the loved one (see Home Funerals).

A viewing, visitation or wake is an option many families choose to give friends and family a final chance to see the person who died before final disposition takes place. The three terms are relatively interchangeable, although a wake or visitation may occur without the body present. In that case, the purpose of the gathering is more to allow others to pay their respects to the family rather than say goodbye to the person who died. All three of these events will occur shortly after your loved one’s death, so it’s a good idea to ask someone close to you to help make the arrangements rather than handle them all yourself. 

If you’re using the services of a funeral director, they will handle the details. If you’re having a viewing in your home, keep things simple and ask a few friends to bring refreshments for your guests. You and/or guests can play music the loved one enjoyed and decorate with flowers or photos of them. 

A wake can be held anywhere you choose: It can be that simply gathering together for a meal is your way of honoring your loved one, or a meal can be part of a series of events. Many families choose to gather at a local restaurant, but you can also gather outdoors at a park or at the beach. The choice is totally yours. 

6. Virtual Memorial Service
With the COVID-19 pandemic, people all over the world learned how to do life online together, and this includes holding memorial services. In addition to providing a safe accommodation for guests, virtual services allow those who may not be able to travel to an event the ability to pay their respects with fellow mourners. You can invite friends and family to celebrate the life of your loved one by holding the service over Zoom, Skype, Google Meet or a similar teleconference service. Each provider works a bit differently, so choose the one that works best for you.

There are also sites such as GatheringUs that provide virtual memorial service planning and online memorial page hosting. GatheringUs takes care of the logistics and tech, and offers guests the opportunity to share stories and thoughts at the appropriate time in the service. They offer program planning and event facilitation, as well as technical support and hosting of a memorial page where mourners can add photos, videos and stories of remembrance. Depending on the package you choose, the site can accommodate up to 1,000 viewers for the memorial service.

7. Block Party
If your loved one was active in their community or neighborhood, organizing a block party can be a unique way to celebrate their life and bring the community together. This is a big endeavor, so do ask for and accept help from others. A good first step is to reach out to neighbors and community members to share your intention and gauge who is willing to help you. 

You’ll need to choose a suitable time and location within the community, and ensure you have any necessary permits for your event date. For food and refreshments you could ask friends and neighbors to bring potluck-style contributions, especially those that are favorites or significant to the person who died, or you can coordinate with local vendors or caterers. Consider including activities such as live music, poetry readings or even a slideshow of cherished memories with the loved one. Spreading the word far and wide through posting flyers around the neighborhood, sending emails and making social media posts helps ensure neighbors, friends, community members and anyone who wants to celebrate the person will receive the invite.

8. Candlelight Vigil
Held at night, this service invites the community to mourn and remember the person who has died. This type of service is often organized to give a community the space to mourn collectively when many people have died at the same time, due to a natural disaster or a similar tragedy. Services can be held at the death site or, if the situation needs national attention, the service can be held on the steps of a government building. 

This type of service can also be held in front of a home or church. Attendees hold candles and can sing songs and share memories of the person or people who died. Since there is no limit to the number of people who can attend, you can spread the word about the event online through social media and word of mouth. You can purchase candles, drip protectors and other supplies from church supply or craft stores.

9. Traditional Funeral 
Most of us are quite familiar with traditional funerals, and this may be your preference. Typically they are held in a funeral home or church. Today, with services becoming more personalized and blended families having differing expectations, services can be creatively intermixed to include religious traditions and secular components, depending on location. If working with a funeral home, they will have a funeral director or mortician to help with planning and facilitating service arrangements.

Another option is a two-part funeral where there’s a viewing of an open or closed casket at a funeral home or church, and a memorial service is held on another day. You may hold a viewing in the home of the loved one or a family member along with a custom service in the backyard. Having your loved one’s body at home to allow guests to say a special goodbye is legal in all states, though some require you to hire a funeral director to file paperwork and supervise transportation and disposition of the body. Even if you’re choosing to have a traditional funeral in a nontraditional location, it may be helpful to hire the services of a funeral director. With some consideration and planning, there are a variety of ways to honor the traditional desires of various family members in celebrating your loved one. 

10. Departy, AKA Living Wake, Pre-Wake or Living Funeral
A living funeral or departy is a service or event that takes place while the dying person is still alive and wants to enjoy and appreciate the gathering of friends and loved ones. Some who are terminally ill have accepted their impending death and may choose this option. Overall, living wake events are becoming more popular as society starts to take a more contemporary view of death and dying. A person mayplan their own party or enlist the help of a friend, family member or professional host to help them. 

It might be hard to imagine planning a party to celebrate your or your loved one’s death, but a departy offers a chance to receive all the love and support of family, friends and community while the person is living. Guests may feel shock or confusion at the invitation to such an event, but they will likely feel fulfilled after getting the chance to tell the ill person how much they have meant to them. Overall, it can be a very rewarding experience for all involved. 

The departy can be an all-out event, where the ill person experiences a once-in-a-lifetime extravagant celebration, or it can be an intimate affair at the patient’s home or other location. Whatever works best for the budget and physical capacity of the person being celebrated is what matters.

E. Plan a date, time and length of service

Date and Time
There are a number of considerations when selecting a date for the memorial service or celebration of life. It’s best for your chosen date and time not to conflict with holidays or special family days that could interfere with relatives or friends attending. First, it’s helpful to consider if there are certain family or friends that you feel need to be there. You may wish to let the guests who live furthest away arrange plane or train tickets before deciding upon a date so you know they can come. 

Second, how much planning do you want to put into the service? Some families wish to have a simple service as soon as possible, while other families set a date as far as a year later depending on the wishes of the immediate family and how involved the service will be. Should you desire, memorial services can be as elaborate as weddings — though planning such events can take time.

Lastly, if you are hiring a celebrant or officiant, your service date may be pushed far into the future. Many officiants also preside over weddings, which are planned many months ahead of time. For this reason, you may wish to hire a celebrant or officiant before you set the date. 

Length of Service
It’s possible to make your celebration a multi-day, multi-space event, however, a more intimate event is generally more affordable and less stressful. You will need to decide what you are prepared for emotionally and what your budget can handle. 

You can celebrate your loved one in a variety of ways, spread out over a long weekend. You could hold a traditional service and then have an after-party where your loved ones gather to share stories and memories. You could then share a breakfast the next morning and organize a more intimate ash-scattering event the next day. 

Alternatively, you can have a short memorial service of a couple hours where friends and loved ones share memories, with or without the body, at the home or another location, or you can plan a brief graveside service. The amount of guests you wish to include impacts the type or number of memorial events. 

F. Select the location or venue

Start by considering places that were meaningful to the person being celebrated: Did they have a favorite park, restaurant, venue or lookout point? What locations speak to you about who they were or inspire fond memories? You can have a memorial service in your home, at an event venue, local restaurant or national park. Make sure to make reservations well in advance, if needed. Also be sure to consider if children, elderly or disabled guests will be attending and plan the location accordingly. If many friends or family members are traveling from out of town, you can consider communicating with a local hotel about reserving a block of rooms at a special rate. 

If the person who died is being cremated, there’s generally a greater number of location possibilities to consider. The following are some suggestions, and most can be adapted to a casket funeral as well:

• A large, “open” public celebration of life at one location, followed by a smaller “closed” family memorial with potential ash scattering
• An immediate and impromptu friends and family get-together after the death, followed by a larger planned event as much as a month or even a year later
• A two-part service in separate locations — start with the burial or scattering of ashes (in an open meadow, the woods or shoreside as in this beautiful example) followed by a meal somewhere else, such as at someone’s home, a restaurant or even gathering at a rented food truck situated close to the location
• A celebration of life event with the body or ashes present, followed by laying the body or ashes to rest somewhere else (say, the base of a tree on family property). Guests can choose to stay and pay their respects during the burial or scattering, or choose to only attend the service
• A less traditional gathering of guests in a sacred space for a communal ritual or activity, before coming together over a casual meal or potluck
• An intimate family gathering to witness the cremation, followed by a celebration of life many weeks later
• A large memorial service followed by smaller annual get-togethers among close friends to connect and honor the person who has died. These could be held in various locations so more people can attend

A celebration can also be memorable if you decide to stick to one location. You can use different areas of the location for different parts of the service — setting up a small memorial table with photos and significant items can be a nice place for people to pay their respects. You can also hold the entire event at a special location, such as a beach, and invite people to take part in a sit-down service then scatter ashes along the shore. 

G. Choose who you’d like to assist with facilitating the event

Planning a memorial service can be a laborious process, especially if large in scope, and seeking assistance from a professional or friend can lighten the load immensely. You may want to put an initial program together so you know who it makes sense to ask to assist. Depending on the nature of your event, you may opt to hire an officiant or celebrant who will help plan and conduct the ceremony, a clergy member or religious leader if your loved one was church-going, or ask a friend or relative to help. You can also find a celebrant who specializes in officiating and can bring spirituality into the event if you so choose. See Officiants & Celebrants in our Local Resources guide.

There are many aspects of the service that you can invite family and friends to help facilitate. Keep in mind, however, that some close friends and relatives may feel overwhelmed with grief and choose not to take part — for example, a distant relative or acquaintance may be better suited to the greeter position than a child or close friend of the person who died. 

Here are some roles and tasks that guests attending the service can handle if you choose:

• Greeter(s)
• Guest Book attendant(s)
• Usher(s)
• Handing out the keepsakes
• Handing out the programs (if you have a physical one)
• Officiating the Service
• Orchestrating Rituals

• Lighting candles
• Pouring sand or ashes in the open urn
• Any other special activity to take place at the service
• Speakers

• Main speaker / Officiant (This person helps to move the service along in the order you’ve designed)
• Person(s) to sing
• Person(s) to give the eulogy
• People to share stories
• People to read poems or prayers

H. Plan decorations to create a theme

Using decorations to create a theme for a memorial service can add a meaningful and personal touch to honor the life of your loved one. You can build a theme that reflects the personality, interests or passions of the person who died whether it be around something they loved, such as a hobby (i.e. painting, baseball), a favorite place (the beach, a particular country) or a specific time period (‘50s, ‘70s). If the person was a pet lover, you may choose to have guests bring their pets as a fun way to honor them. Alternately, you can decorate simply in a particular color scheme — this could be your loved one’s favorite color or one associated with a cause they supported.

After you’ve decided the direction you’d like to go, the following are some ideas on how to utilize decorations — remember to ask family and friends for help gathering things.

• Put together themed centerpieces: For example, if the person loved the beach, you can use seashells, sand and ocean-related items as centerpieces. If they loved the ‘70s, you could incorporate tie-dye patterns, beaded curtains, a disco ball, records.
• Select decorative items that represent the individual’s beliefs, values or cultural background (i.e. religious symbols or artwork). If they had a passion for nature, you could incorporate elements like flowers, plants or decorations and tableware made of eco-friendly materials.
• Use custom signs or banners that feature meaningful quotes, song lyrics, or phrases associated with the person’s life. 
• Create personalized displays showcasing the life and achievements of your loved one. This can include photos (regular or blown-up) or collages featuring memorable moments, items the loved one made, a timeline highlighting important milestones or a collection of cherished belongings and mementos. These can serve as conversation starters and allow attendees to reminisce and share stories. You can also create a memorial table. More information in Section 17.
• You may want to include a special backdrop people can take photos in front of. 
• Incorporate your color scheme (if any) into elements like tablecloths, banners, flowers, candles, balloons, plates and napkins.
• Consider lighting and ambience: Using soft, warm lighting helps create a comforting and peaceful atmosphere. Candles or string lights can add a gentle glow.

I. Choose your flowers

Traditionally, flowers are the main decorations at most memorial services. Often guests will send floral arrangements to the location of the service, which may feature memorial banners with phrases like “In Loving Memory,” “Forever in Our Hearts,” etc. along with a personalized message. If you prefer guests not send flowers, state that on your invitations (in this case, a common practice is to request guests donate to the loved one’s favorite cause or charity in lieu of flowers — more information in Section 22).

When choosing flowers to decorate a memorial event, you can start by considering the personality, taste, or favorite blooms of the individual being remembered as well as the significance and meaning behind different flowers. Some popular choices for memorial flowers include lilies, which symbolize purity and innocence, or roses, which represent love and remembrance. Additionally, you can select flowers based on their colors (especially if you are decorating in a color theme). 

If your services are outdoors, consider using the flower Love Lies Bleeding as a metaphor for the pain felt by the loss of your loved one. You can also create a wall of flowers as the backdrop for your outdoor or indoor service. 

J. Decide on food and refreshments

Serving food at your memorial event can be a nourishing collective experience. The sharing of a meal can feel intimate and lend itself to reminiscing about the loved one together. Many families serve food at what was traditionally called a “wake” at their home following the funeral. You can choose to hire caterers to provide food, waiting and bussing services, or you can hold all or part of your event at a restaurant (if they have a private room that’s especially helpful). You can also consider hosting at home, an event space, in a park or special location and ask family and friends to bring dishes to share. 

Choosing the cuisine is another opportunity to feel connected to the loved one — sharing their favorite foods with family and friends serves as a way to bond and awaken fond memories. It’s also helpful to think about special health considerations: Perhaps you’ll want to make vegetarian, vegan, organic or gluten-free options available to attendees.

Common memorial service food and refreshment elements include:

• Catering 
• Potluck
• Prepared lunch boxes
• Finger foods like small sandwiches or appetizers
• Food truck (great at a lake, river or ocean setting)
• Cocktails/bar setup

Seating arrangements may be formal with set tables, similar to those found at wedding receptions, or you may choose to have free seating instead and allow your guests to move about during the meal. Consider the table layout.

K. Select music

You can hire local musicians or DJs, or possibly enlist close friends or family members to perform. Consider supplying the musicians with a list of songs or albums that are significant to the person who died and/or their family. You also may wish to choose music that reflects the loss you are feeling. Creating a playlist to be played during the service that features songs of remembrance is a great task to hand off to a younger member of the family. You can make a shared playlist with family and close friends so that everyone can add songs to the list that remind them of the person who died. Be sure to check out our music section in our Healing Library when selecting songs for your service. 

Alternately, you may opt to play music from the time period the loved one most identified with. If the person who has died loved The Beatles or Elton John, by all means, play that music at your celebration. Playing music from a past decade may evoke nostalgia and happier times with the loved one — this can help guests feel the essence of the person who died and add a deeper layer of remembrance to the event. 

Memorial services often feature singers who knew the loved one personally. Perhaps your loved one enjoyed someone’s voice in their community or church. You can also hire a great singer you’re familiar with. Either way, you can tell them the song(s) you want to hear at the service. These can reflect the loss everyone at the service is feeling. Also, especially at the close of the service, you may want the singers to share a song that meant something to your loved one. This could be a song not traditionally sung at funerals and is another way to bring in the presence of your loved one — you could even invite guests who would like to join in the singing.

Also, live music does not have to revolve around singers. Musicians are another way to enhance your service with live music. Traditionally, harp players and guitarists can be hired to add a calm acoustic element to your service. Cultural background may also play a role in choosing which instruments to feature. Bagpipes, chimes, sitars — these can all be a way to honor your loved one’s heritage at the service. 

You can also look up Ceremonial Musicians in our Local Resources guide to see if we offer resources in your area.

L. Consider putting together a video tribute

During the service, regardless of which type you choose, you may want to show a short video that highlights the life of the person who has died. Even outdoor services can feature a video if you have a projector and screen. If your event is at a funeral home or other venue, ask the staff to explain their media setup so you know how the video should be formatted, or if you need to bring additional equipment.

You can create the video yourself using free programs such as Google Slides, Canva, or Animoto. Once you’ve collected photos, you can arrange them as you like and add music to the slideshow. You can also delegate this task to a family member or friend who may feel more comfortable with these websites by providing all of the photos and song requests. 

If you want to invest more into this aspect of the ceremony, you can also hire someone to create a memorial video. They could include photos, home movies, or even tributes that you request from friends and family. Loved ones can film themselves on their smartphones sharing memories about the person who has died and send those to you or to the person you have hired. Editors who do this type of work can create the video with a quick turnaround time since you may only have a few days to get the video ready. You can find editors on sites like Upwork  or Fiverr at short notice.  

To show a video, you will typically need the following equipment:

• Large TV Monitor or Projector (many venues will have these already): If setting up a projector, you’ll also need a screen or suitable wall to project onto.
• Laptop or DVD Player: You will need a device to play the video. This can be a laptop, DVD player, or any other media player that is compatible with the video file format. If the venue already has a media setup, ensure that the video is in a format they can play (i.e. a particular movie file format on a jump drive, DVD).
• Audio System: This ensures that the audio from the video is audible to everyone and can include speakers, microphones, and amplifiers.
• Cables and Adapters: Depending on the devices being used, you may need an HDMI, VGA, or other cables and adapters to connect the video-playing device to the monitor, projector, and audio system.
• Remote Control: Having a remote control for the video-playing device allows for easy playback control during the memorial service.

It’s important to test all the equipment beforehand to ensure everything is working properly and that the video can be displayed and heard clearly. 

M. Consider a photographers and/or videographer

You might choose to hire a professional photographer or videographer to record the event. This can allow you and your guests to have lasting memories of the celebration for years to come. You might even want to arrange a webcast of the event by setting up a webcam or a live stream using Zoom or a similar service for those who are unable to attend. 

When choosing a photographer or videographer, start by determining your preferred style and aesthetic, which will help you narrow down an online search. You can also seek recommendations from friends and family. Whatever the case, take time to review the professional’s portfolio and be sure to read available reviews to get a sense of their reputation and quality of work. Check their pricing, packages, and any additional costs to ensure these align with your budget. Confirm their availability and inquire about turnaround times for the final product. Lastly, obtain a written contract that outlines all terms and conditions for clarity and protection. 

N. Offer memorial favors to guests

Keepsakes are small gifts distributed to guests at the end of the event. These are usually significant to the loved one or personalized for the day of the event. For example, if the person who died always offered tea to guests, the small gifts can be as simple as a tea bag with a personalized tag. The keepsakes can also be more meaningful, such as a seed-infused card for the guests to take home with instructions for planting when the season is right. The guests can then remember the loved one again as their plants bloom the next spring.

Memorial jewelry has become a new gift to share with guests since it is a keepsake they can choose to wear everyday to remind them of their loved one. For example, Psyche Cremation Jewelry creates blown glass pendants, which hold a small amount of the cremated remains. The receiver can then wear their loved one with them whenever they want to feel close to them. 

O. Create a memory book or memory board

Creating a memory book or memory board can be a meaningful way to preserve and showcase cherished memories with your loved one and bring guests together to reminisce. 

For a memory book, you’ll want to gather photographs, handwritten cards or notes, and any other items that hold sentimental value and place these in a scrapbook or photo album. You can incorporate creative elements such as quotes, poems or artwork, and use decorative paper, stickers and markers to add personalized touches. To help prevent yellowing and deterioration over time, consider using archival-quality materials and acid-free adhesive.

To create a memory board, start by selecting a display surface like a bulletin board or frame with a pinboard backing. Gather photographs and other meaningful items such as postcards, notes, concert tickets and other mementos. Arrange them on the board using pins or adhesive, adding extra flair with ribbons or stickers. You can also include labels or descriptions to provide context for each memory. Hang your memory board up or place it on an easel in a prominent spot during the event. 

P. Plan an Activity

• Karaoke of your loved one’s favorite songs or artists
• Photo booth
• Plant a tree
• Decorate a memorial tree
• Poetry or literary passage reading
• Hike
• Create a memorial quilt
• Candle lighting ceremony
• Create a memory wall where people can write messages and share memories
• Release balloons, lanterns, doves
• Fireworks (where legal) or sparklers

See our ebook for a deeper look at activities that intertwine with the person honored life.

Q. Bring in cultural customs

Incorporating cultural elements into a memorial service can help honor the traditions and heritage of your loved one. Consider including significant cultural or religious rituals, prayers, or chants, along with displaying traditional symbols or heirlooms. You can also include music or performances that reflect their heritage, such as traditional songs or dances. Serving special food and drinks can allow attendees to experience the tastes and flavors associated with your loved one and their background.

Not in ebook

Link to our content section of a long list of cultural customs to read about

Link to article in the blog on candles in ceremonies 

R. Plan a display, welcome/memorial table or altar

These are other spaces to evoke the presence of the person who died, and you can incorporate them into various aspects of the setup.

You may choose to create a photo display near the entrance of the service. This display may be a vintage frame with photos of the deceased clipped to twine inside. You may wish to have a large, blown-up photo with other smaller photos on display.

A welcome/remembrance table or altar may also hold framed photos of the person who died along with other special items, such as medals or awards. You may also wish to have candles arranged on the table along with flowers or items specific to your loved one’s hobbies or career. For a beach service, try making sand candles to illuminate the space.

If you have them, you can place the cremation ashes on the altar or eulogy table. You can also have a guest book to sign or to offer condolences. Any keepsakes for guests can be on this table as well.

ALTAR link to our article in the blog on altars (PT)

Link to article on display tables (PT)

Link to article on eulogy table of rustic wood (PT)

S. Plan the setup, seating and eulogy locations

Now that you’ve made the critical decisions, you may need to plan the layout of tables and chairs at the location you have selected. If you have a memorial planner onboard or are having your service at a restaurant or a place where the furniture is already in place, then you need not consider what to rent or create a layout. 

First make a list of everything you may need. The following list can help you think it through:

• If food is served will it be a buffet, box lunches or catered? What size tables and length will you need? How many seats are needed based on the number of guests?
• If there is no food then you may only need chairs or perhaps everyone stands. If you have tables are they round tops, or will you have long rectangles tables placed together end to end for a more contemporary event? Long tables can eliminate a sense of FOMO (fear of missing out) if someone is not seated at a certain table. They also give more of a sense of community with closeness across the table, plus they provide the opportunity for some guests to be seated next to those they do not know. This can engender new friends and relationships around the love of the person being celebrated. 
• Will you provide a seating chart or let people choose their seats as they arrive? 
• It’s common to reserve seating for the immediate family up front. You can use lovely printed signs or ribbon to block off specific seats for the bereaved family. 
• Consider name tags for guests and where to keep them.
• If tables are used then floral arrangements or centerpieces should be considered.
• Will the cremation ashes be presented?
• Will the body in a coffin be presented?
• Will an altar be included?
• Will there be a table for a memory board or special personal items of the person honored?
• Consider whether you need a podium or specially marked location for any speakers, perhaps using themed decorations.

T. Select speakers for the eulogy

If your service is being held in a place of worship, you may ask one of the clergy or people in the leadership to give the eulogy. However, you may have other friends or family in mind, regardless of the location, who you would like to give the eulogy. This is definitely the time to ask yourself who your loved one would be most honored by. Who would they want to have a lasting word on who they were? You may want speakers to incorporate religious scriptures or writings – these can be popular passages and verses from the Bible, other religious texts, or favorite texts from the person who passed away. Offering a toast is another wonderful way to honor the loved one, and you can invite guests in advance or impromptu to give a toast.

If your chosen eulogist is not a part of the clergy, you will want to make sure they are available during the time of your memorial service. It is important to contact your chosen speaker as soon as possible since not everyone may feel comfortable speaking in front of large crowds or giving a eulogy.

Check out our Ebook SevenPonds 7 Ways to Create an Amazing Celebration of Life for creative ideas to present the eulogy portion of the service.

U. Decide a format for the service program

V. Assemble a program with an agenda

Once you have the course of events for the service figured out, it’s a good idea to have a program to provide for your guests. You can have a printed version, an emailed version that can be read on a smartphone, a QR scannable version or the program may be on a sign or a chalk board for everyone to view. 

If you opt to have a hard copy there are a number of ways to do this. 

• DIY to design a custom one to print out yourself at home. 
• Hire a graphic designer to have them design and print it. Printing is surprisingly inexpensive these days.
• Use an online service, such as Funeral Prints, that provides customizable templates and will print and mail the programs to you. 

Many physical programs are four pages long, with a standard letter-size piece of paper being folded in half. The front cover usually features a large photograph of the deceased or a meaningful image (flowers, cross, doves, etc.) along with their name and dates of their birth and death. You may also include a title that sums up the person being honored’s life and their full name. Inside the program you can include the date of the service and the agenda along with another photo and biography of the loved one. The back cover of the program may feature a poem or song lyrics that relate to the memorial service or were a favorite of the deceased.

To distribute hard copy programs, they can be passed out, placed on each chair or placed in a pile at the welcome table. You may also elect someone to stand at the entrance of the service and hand them out. 

If you go with an online program, you can consider the following options:

• Create a website with your program and send the link to guests via email.
• Email a PDF to your guests to view on their phones or print out ahead of time. 
• Provide a QR code at the service that guests can use to access the program on their phone. This is a great option if you are environmentally conscious, but it’s important to decide if the guests scanning their phones throughout the service will bother you. You can have a sign with the QR code mounted for guests to scan and pull up the program.

For more information, check out our section on Invitations and Programs for companies that can assist you.

Regardless of your program format, there are some common items to consider listing. You may want to include time slots or just list them in order:

• Opening words, song or music. Title and artist or musicians.
• Welcome talk or prayer and name of person delivering message and their relationship to the person honored.
• Title of stories, quotes, poems, scriptures or readings presented  (link quotes and poems to the healing library)
• Presentation of tribute video or slides 
• Live music or playlist with title of pieces or songs and name of artists or musicians
• Any activities to note
• Closing words or Prayer
• Note any requests. For example: Please sign the guest book. Or you may request each guest contribute in some way in accordance with the service — this can be a request to write one or two words describing their favorite quality of the person who died. Let them know what actions to take and where to do so, i.e. paper and pen can be found on the presentation table.
• Be sure to list the speaker’s name next to each line item — including their relationship to the person honored can be a nice touch. 
• You may also wish to include the names of pallbearers or honorary pallbearers if there were any. 
• Requests for donations to a charity
• A reminder to be sure to pick up a keepsake if they are provided or get your picture taken at the photo booth, etc.

W. Consider guest attire

Your theme may lend itself specifically to clothing. If your loved one had an extensive sneaker collection, asking your guests to wear their favorite pair of sneakers is a fun way to bring in the presence and memory of the person who died. The same goes for scarves, hats or any item of clothing that would be highly recognizable to your loved one’s family and friends.

If your theme doesn’t call for a specific color or piece of clothing, you may want to specify on the invitation what type of dress guests should wear. Many mourners may wear black out of habit, but you may have something else in mind. You can ask them to wear colorful items, casual wear, business attire or formal dress. Think about what your loved one would’ve wanted and how they would have dressed for such an occasion. 

X. State preferences regarding flowers and gifts

Most of your friends and family will want to express their condolences for your loss in some tangible way. In the U.S., people traditionally send flowers to the surviving family members or the funeral home or memorial service venue. While flowers are lovely to look at, they are often expensive and short-lived. Unless you truly want to receive them (or they enhance your theme of choice), you may wish to ask your friends and family to make a donation to a worthy cause instead.

Common requests include:

• Donations to the loved one’s favorite charity or cause
• Funding for research and/or awareness about the illness the person had
• Donations to the cost of a headstone
• Contributions to the nursing home, hospice facility or hospital where the person died

This request can be made through the invitation itself or in a written letter or email prior to the event. People can indicate in whose name the donation is being made, and often the family will receive a notification following the donation.

Here are some ways to word your request 

• In lieu of flowers, please make a memorial contribution to _____________.

• You may make a contribution to ______________ in a show of support.
• The family asks for contributions made to _________________.
• It was (your loved one’s name) wish to make contributions to ______________.
• You may donate to the charity of your choice.

Y. Decide on the method of event invitations

You can choose to mail an invitation, send them online, or even post on social media. There are many websites where you can custom-make online invitations, such as Paperless Post and Punchbowl. Other websites allow you to order hard copies, like Minted, TinyPrints, Greetings Island and Canva. There’s also the option to mail a custom postcard, also known as a sympathy postcard, from sites such as Shutterfly, Moo or Vistaprint. 

You could opt to hire a professional to draft and design the invitation, or ask an event planner to help you select one. Although if you have a manageable number of attendees, you might consider emailing or making personal phone calls (especially to those less tech-inclined) rather than sending out invitations.

Information to Include on Your Invitations:

• Name of the loved one being celebrated
• Short description about the loved one being celebrated
• One or more photos of the person being honored
• Date, time and location of event or ceremony
  • If this is a multi-location event, dates, times and locations
• Type of ceremony
  • For some events and locations, particularly unusual ones, it might be helpful to include an explanatory note as to the significance. For example, for an ash-scattering ceremony in a national park, include a note about the significance of the particular location
• Gift or item you may wish attendees to bring: This can be a photo, a personal memento, something to say, flowers, or food in the case of a potluck
• Type of food and refreshments offered, if you choose
• RSVP by a certain date (especially if this is sit-down event or you will be serving food and beverages, this is helpful for planning how many people you’ll need to accommodate)
• Map of location (or locations) of event(s) or instructions to get there. For a mailed invitation, a map can be enclosed
• Special dress preferences (i.e. a particular theme, color, formal/casual dress, etc.)
• If floral arrangements are to be sent then give the address. You may request guests to send certain floral colors to augment the color scheme or certain flowers like country wildflowers or formal rose arrangements
• If you opt against flowers, the preference to donate to a specific cause or charity in the name of the loved one
• A quote, stanza of a poem or line of lyrics (Visit SevenPond’s Healing Library for ideas!)

If you are planning a home funeral, viewing or graveside service, there may be little time to prepare a guest list or send out invitations to those who might like to attend. Instead, you can ask friends and family members to contact those who were close to your loved one and let them know where the service will take place. Your loved one’s contact list on their cell phone is a great place to find contact information for coworkers, colleagues and other friends you may not know well. You may want to create a brief announcement and send it out via an email list. Such a list will also come in handy for creating a guest list if you decide to have a memorial service or celebration of life at a later time. 

Z. Publish an obituary that announces the memorial event

Publishing an obituary serves multiple purposes — honoring your loved one, allowing for tribute and remembrance, sharing their story and accomplishments, preserving their legacy. It also provides an opportunity to notify the wider community that they died, to ensure friends, acquaintances and community members are informed. This also makes it ideal for announcing your celebration of life, if it’s open-invitation. 

Typically, an obituary includes the following information:

• Full name of the person who died
• Age at the time of death
• Date and place of birth
• Date and place of death
• Cause of death (optional)
• Brief biography or life story highlighting significant achievements, hobbies or interests, or even some favorite memories
• Information about the funeral or memorial service, including date, time and location
• Names of immediate family members, such as spouse, children, parents and siblings, noting if they preceded your loved one in death or are surviving
• Time and location of memorial service
• Requests for charitable donations or other memorial gestures (if applicable)

AA. Finalize decisions and get started

Once you have all of your needs determined, it’s time to get planning and finalize any decisions that are still in the air. Keep in mind that as you work out the specifics, your plans may evolve. It’s immensely helpful to keep a written or shared online record of your event and the planning progress so if you need help from family and friends everyone will be on the same page. See the accompanying After Death Checklist for assistance as you make plans. 

When you’ve finalized the venue(s), made any special preparations necessary and sent out invitations, you’re well within sight of your memorable celebration of life. Use our handy Planning a Memorial Service Checklist to help you make sure nothing gets missed. If there’s anything you’re still uncertain about, please feel free to reach out to us directly at wecare@sevenponds.com.

Organizing a memorial event can be a difficult time for family and loved ones, but it’s also an occasion to come together and strengthen bonds. Celebrating the life of your loved one can provide comfort in grief and contribute to the wonderful memories you have of them. 

AB. Don’t forget to write thank you notes

Though you don’t need to send one to every guest (unless you’d like), it’s thoughtful to send a card or note to those who helped with the planning process, performed or spoke at the service, served as pallbearers, sent flowers or gifts, made donations or brought food. 

AC. Create an annual remembrance event if desired

You may choose to hold an annual event to honor the life of your loved one. One idea is to host a yearly fundraising event in their name, either for one of their favorite charities or to support research for an illness they had. Or you can plan a travel weekend, visiting places that were meaningful to them. Outdoor activities like a day in nature or a sports event can also bring people together to celebrate the life of the person who died through ongoing shared experiences.