How Can I Cope With My Grief?

Just as there is no one-size-fits-all way to grieve, there is no universal way to cope with the many physical, emotional and behavioral reactions that accompany a loss. In fact, according to ongoing research, the only thing that reliably seems to lessen grief is the passage of time. 

With that being said, there are still things you can do to make your grief easier to bear. At first, you will likely have very little energy and a lot of difficulty with day-to-day tasks. So, call on friends and relatives to help with meals, shopping, childcare and the like. If you’re having trouble planning a funeral or memorial service,[link to topic] ask someone you trust to help out there as well. 

You may also want to seek advice from people you know who have also experienced a loss similar to your own. Just hearing how someone else responded to what you’re dealing with can help you understand that what you’re feeling is normal and OK. Reading books about grief and loss can also be therapeutic, as can attending bereavement support groups. Some people find creative pursuits such as writing, painting or woodworking to be a wonderful outlet, while others find comfort in returning to work. Listening to music or reading poetry may also provide comfort during this time. 

If you are a person of faith, reaching out to a spiritual counselor can also be helpful after a loss. Keep in mind, however, that many people, especially those whose loved one died suddenly or after a long, difficult illness, find it hard to reconcile their spirituality with the pain they feel. You may feel angry at God for taking your loved one from you or from letting them suffer for so long. This, too, is normal and should lessen with time.  

Most importantly, remember that you have been dealt a terrible blow. Even if you knew your loved one was dying, the finality of death causes shock and disbelief. Accept the fact that your life has been turned upside down, and that nothing will feel “right” for quite a while. Take care of yourself as much as you can, and let the people who love you take care of you too. For more suggestions on coping with grief, see our Step by Step Planning Guide: The Healing Process.

Sources

“The effectiveness of psychotherapeutic interventions for bereaved persons: a comprehensive quantitative review”. National Library of Medicine. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/18729566/