How Can I Plan a Truly Personalized Memorial Service?

Attitudes and perceptions around memorializing our dead are evolving rapidly. As a result, you can design almost any type of celebration or ritual you like to honor a person who has died. Your memorial service can be held indoors or outdoors, be formal or casual, include 200 people or just a few. You can create a formal program with a celebrant that includes poetry readings, live music, and a lovely meal. Or you can have a picnic on the beach followed by a huge bonfire, toasted marshmallows, and s’mores. There is no right or wrong way to memorialize a loved one, any more than there’s a right or wrong way to grieve. 

With that being said, there are some important questions you need to ask yourself as you plan a funeral service or celebration of life, whether for yourself or for someone you love. A truly personalized service should reflect you or your loved one’s values and beliefs as well as the things that were most meaningful to them. Actress Carrie Fisher, for example, struggled with addiction and bipolar disorder and was an advocate and role model for those touched by mental illness. After her death, her family designed an urn shaped like a giant Prozac pill to honor her life in a truly unique way.  

As you think about how to memorialize a loved one, ask yourself these questions, which will help you to focus on the qualities that made them unique. (You can ask the same questions about yourself if you are planning your own memorial service or DeParty, too)

• What qualities did my loved one value most? (e.g., honesty, intelligence, kindness, a sense of humor)
• What were their spiritual beliefs?
• What cultural traditions were important to them? 
• What accomplishments were they most proud of? 
• What adversity had they overcome?
• Who were the most important people in their lives? 
• Who were their role models? 
• What causes were most important to them?
• What characteristics most defined who they were? When you think about them, what immediately comes to mind?
• What did they love to do? 

As you reflect on the answers to these questions, you should develop some clarity around the kind of service you or the person you are celebrating would like. You can then sit down with your family and/or a celebrant and plan something truly personal and unique. For some specific ideas, read our Comprehensive Step-by-Step Planning Guide: Planning a Memorial Event, and grab a free copy of our ebook, “7 Ways to Create an Amazing Celebration of Life Everyone Will Love. 

Sources 

“What is Spirituality?” University of Minnesota. https://www.takingcharge.csh.umn.edu/what-spirituality