How Do Children and Adolescents Understand and Process Grief?

Children and adolescents tend to understand and process grief in unique ways compared to adults since the understanding of death and loss relies greatly on emotional and cognitive development. As children continue to develop, their comprehension and beliefs regarding death begin to change. Children ages 3 to 5 have difficulty understanding the permanence of death and although their comprehension of death begins to grow between the ages of 5 to 9, they often have difficulty understanding that death can happen to anyone, including friends and family. Despite their limited understanding, children may exhibit grief responses in behavior changes such as clinging, regression, or loss of interest in activities. Other potential responses can include: 

• Imitating the person who died 
• Difficulty sleeping 
• Loss of appetite 
• Fear of being alone 
• Withdrawing from spending time with friends 
• A decline in academic performance or refusal to attend school
• Stating they want to be with the person who died 
• Stating they are seeing or talking to the person who died 

Adolescents understand and process grief differently since their level of emotional and cognitive development is actively starting to align with the comprehension levels expected of adults. Adolescents typically understand that death is permanent, but may sometimes utilize more imaginative thinking as a coping mechanism. They often experience intense and deep emotions following a loss but may avoid openly grieving or sharing their feelings. Adolescents tend to avoid displaying their vulnerability, especially if they are taking the role of a supportive friend or family member. Common grief responses among adolescents can include: 

• Disbelief that that loss happened 
• Emotional outbursts and/or crying 
• Mood swings 
• Difficulty concentrating 
• Talking with the person who died in special or meaningful places 
• Difficulty sleeping 
• Imitating the person who died
• Regression 
• Bed-wetting 
• Repetition of stories and memories about the person who died 
• Feeling intense anger and guilt 
• Lashing out at others 
• Loss of appetite or the sensation of feeling empty 
• A sensation of tightness the throat or heaviness in the chest

Naturally, not all children and adolescents will process or understand death in the same way, so it’s important to monitor your child’s behavior and address issues that arise as they occur. Additionally, if you believe a child needs help coping with a loss, you may wish to reach out to a mental health professional who specializes in helping children and adolescents cope with difficult life experiences, including loss and grief. 

Sources

“Grief and Children”. American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. https://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/FFF-Guide/Children-And-Grief-008.aspx 

“Experiencing Grief as a Teenager”. VITAS Healthcare. https://www.vitas.com/family-and-caregiver-support/grief-and-bereavement/children-and-grief/experiencing-grief-as-a-teenager