How Does the Grief of Losing a Twin or Triplet Differ From Losing a Sibling?

The loss of a twin or triplet is a complex and intense experience that is distinct from the experience of losing a sibling. Twins and triplets share a profound bond, rooted in a deeper sense of identity and companionship. This connection is unique, and the loss of a twin or triplet can leave the survivor feeling as though a part of themselves or their identity is lost. 

Individuals who have lost a twin or triplet often state that they feel that they are incomplete or consistently lonely. Like other siblings, they can experience survivor’s guilt, but it is even more difficult for them to understand why their twin or triplet died instead of them in the context of their overall similarities. These similarities can also increase the severity and duration of the grief experienced, particularly among identical twins. Their grief may also be exacerbated when other individuals mistake the surviving twin or triplet for the person who died or comment on the noticeable similarities. 

Some individuals never realize that they are a twin or triplet until a parent or relative informs them after they reach adulthood. This is more common when a twin or triplet’s death occurs during pregnancy or infancy, preventing the surviving siblings from having prior memories or knowledge of the twin or triplet who died. This can be overwhelming since survivors then have to navigate feelings of shock and emotional overwhelm associated with discovering previously withheld information. A sense of loss of identity is still likely under these circumstances since these individuals either lived their lives as only children instead of twins or as twins instead of triplets due the secrecy surrounding the loss. 

Some twins experience phantom pains or begin to emulate the behaviors and persona of the twin who died. Twins and triplets who have experienced a loss may also feel a unique sense of isolation since they may feel that other individuals, including family members, don’t fully understand the depth or their loss. For these individuals, connecting in support groups with other twins or triplets who have been impacted by loss can be particularly helpful. Additionally, working with mental health professionals specializing in twin or triplet bereavement is typically recommended since a twin or triplet loss can quickly progress into traumatic loss for surviving siblings. 

Sources

“My twin died, I survived”. The Guardian. https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2013/jul/20/my-twin-died-i-survived