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How Should I Choose a Health Care Proxy?
Choosing a health care proxy is an important decision. In addition to being over the age of 18 (as required in most states), the person you choose should be someone […]
Choosing a health care proxy is an important decision. In addition to being over the age of 18 (as required in most states), the person you choose should be someone you trust to carry out your wishes even when they may not agree with them. For example, you would not want to appoint a health care proxy whose religious beliefs would prevent them from following your wishes at the end of your life (for example, terminating life support). Similarly, choosing someone with whom you have strong emotional ties, such as a spouse, a child or even a parent, may not be the best idea since their emotions could cloud their judgment when making difficult decisions about your medical care.
Generally, the person you choose as your health care surrogate should be someone who knows you well and understands your values and core beliefs, such as a relative or a good friend. They should also have the following qualities:
- Calm in a crisis: If you are seriously ill, your condition may change minute by minute, so your surrogate should be someone who can make decisions quickly under stressful circumstances.
- Comfortable advocating for you: Your surrogate should be someone you believe will be comfortable advocating for your values if your doctors propose a treatment course you would not want.
- A good communicator: Your surrogate may need to act as a liaison between the medical team and your family and friends, so they should be someone who can facilitate difficult conversations with tact and empathy.
- Comfortable asking questions of medical staff
- Live nearby or able to travel to you if needed
You may be tempted to ask several people to act as surrogates for you, but this is almost always a bad idea, warns Dr. Dawn Gross, a palliative care physician at UCSF Health. According to Gross, appointing more than one person can create conflict and additional stress at a time that demands clarity and calm. With that being said, you may wish to designate alternate surrogates (also known as successors), who can make decisions on your behalf if your first choice of surrogate isn’t available. Just be sure to clearly indicate which alternative is your first, second and even third choice.
Sources
“About Your Host, Dr. Dawn Gross.” Dying to Talk Podcast. https://www.dyingtotalk.com/about-us
