How Should I Talk to Children About a Loved One Dying?

When talking to children about death, it’s best to be up front and honest. This can be a confusing and distressing time, but it’s important to present an accurate picture of the situation for kids to try to understand and process their feelings. 

Find a safe, calm place to have the conversation, and allow time for you to share and for them to absorb the information. Be honest and use simple, age-appropriate language they can understand. For kids of all ages, avoid using euphemisms like “passed away” or “gone to a better place,” as these can be confusing. Psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour suggests gently saying something along these lines: “I have some very sad news to share. Your grandparent has died. That means his body stopped working, and we won’t get to see him again.”

Children may have a lot of questions about death, and it’s important to be patient and create a judgment-free space for them to ask and express their feelings. Be prepared for these questions to come up over time and at unexpected moments; they may also ask questions that seem surprising or direct, as they may not yet understand social norms. Children of any age may be concerned that the death is somehow their fault or feel guilty. It can be helpful to check in with them about this, and reassure them that isn’t the case. Reading stories about loss or grief together can also help explain the situation and open up discussions to help them process their emotions.

It’s normal to express grief and sadness when talking with a child about a loved one’s death, though it’s helpful to settle yourself a bit before the conversation to avoid alarming them. Letting them see that it’s natural to have and express feelings about the loss can help them better experience their own feelings.

Sources

“How to talk to your children about the death of a loved one”. UNICEF. https://www.unicef.org/parenting/child-care/how-talk-your-children-about-death-loved-one