I’ve Been Asked to Give a Eulogy, But I Don’t Know What to Say. Where Do I Start?

Writing and delivering a eulogy are painful tasks. You have just lost someone you love, and it may be hard to get past your emotions and organize your thoughts. But if you follow a few simple steps and listen to your heart, the content should flow fairly easily. 

Start with an understanding of what a eulogy is — a tribute to a person’s life. According to Theodore Lustig, a distinguished member of Toastmasters International (an organization that teaches and provides opportunities for public speaking), a eulogy should not be a chronology of a person’s life. Rather, it should be a brief, heartfelt reflection on the kind of human being the person was. What gave their life meaning? What did they value? What did they love to do? Where did their life have the most impact, and why? What made them laugh? Starting with these questions will help you hone in on what you would like to say. 

Another helpful tactic is to think about your relationship with the person who died and what their presence in your life meant to you. Was this person a mentor; a colleague; a “rock” in hard times? Was he or she your soulmate, or a person you could always count on to make you laugh? Write down some memories that shine a bright light on the qualities that you valued most. Including these kinds of personal anecdotes in your eulogy will make it more impactful and sincere. 

Once you have some general ideas and bullet points, organize your speech. Writing it out in its entirety may help you remember what you want to say. But when the time comes, use notes. You don’t want to sound like you’re reading from a script. 

Lastly, don’t be afraid to show emotion when you speak. If you were close enough to the person who died to be chosen to deliver the eulogy, you will be hurt after their death. If you start to feel overwhelmed, stop for a moment and take a deep breath. If you feel tears coming, let them out. Remember, no one at the service is there to judge your speaking skills. They are there, just as you are, to honor the person you all loved. 

“About Toastmasters”. Toastmasters. https://www.toastmasters.org/about