Who Should I Ask to Give My Loved One’s Eulogy?

Ideally, your loved one made the choice of who they would like to give the eulogy at their funeral before they died. But if this wasn’t the case, the decision is generally left to the surviving spouse or next of kin. Depending on how many people are willing and/or able to speak, this might be a difficult or a relatively easy task. 

If you’re planning a religious funeral, a member of the clergy will typically give a eulogy during the formal service. This is common practice in many religions: A priest, rabbi or imam will address the congregation and talk about the role of faith in the life of the person who died, as well as ways in which faith can provide comfort to the bereaved. If the eulogist knew the person who died, they may also share stories about their life and discuss the values that meant the most to them. If the person who died was a relative stranger, they will usually ask family and friends for information about their loved one so they can deliver a eulogy that is personal and sincere. 

In addition to a member of the clergy, you may want to ask friends or family members of the person who died to speak at the funeral as well. In this case, you will want to choose someone who knew the person very well — a close friend, a parent or a sibling is usually a good choice. One of the person’s children may also wish to speak. Children have a different perspective on their parents’ lives than those who have known them for many years, but their reflections can be very meaningful nonetheless. If the person who died had an adult grandchild to whom he was particularly close, they may also wish to speak. You might also consider a mentor or work colleague if the person who died was still employed and had strong relationships at their job. (This is often the case with public servants such as police officers and firefighters.)

In any event, you should ask the person you would like to deliver the eulogy if they are comfortable doing so before making a final choice. Speaking in public is very difficult for some people; in fact, the fear of public speaking is so common that it even has a medical name, glossophobia. So make sure to check in with your choice for a eulogist to ensure they’re up to the task. 

Sources

“Glossophobia”. Psycom. https://www.psycom.net/glossophobia-fear-of-public-speaking