Ethical Will Formats

A legacy letter is a document that reflects your personal values, experiences, and what you have learned from life lessons. Although the term is sometimes used interchangeably with an ‘ethical will’, these documents are generally differentiated by the intended recipient. A legacy letter can be intended for anyone, whereas an ethical will is typically only intended for children and family members. Similar to an ethical will, a legacy letter is not a legal document.

Writing a legacy letter is an opportunity for self-reflection. You may find it helpful to identify key principles that have guided your decisions throughout your life and elaborate on how your experiences have shaped your worldview in relation to those principles. Some individuals choose to focus on a few specific values that have been consistent throughout their lives, while others prefer to address a variety of values based on the experiences and challenges that they faced during their lifetime. The overall aim is to create a letter that will serve as a bridge between your generation and the next or communicate valuable insights you hope will become a source of reflection and inspiration.

Another common approach to legacy letters is to include advice or recommendations specific to certain challenges or milestones that others might experience in their life journey. Some people include cultural traditions or important rituals they want to be maintained by others after their death. In this context, a legacy letter can be a tool that aids in the preservation and communication of practices that might only exist between generations or within certain cultures.

The content of a legacy letter can vary and should reflect your unique intentions, experiences, and insights. It is a memorable way to leave a lasting impression or provide others with a keepsake they can refer to after you have died. It can also help ensure that your most valuable perspectives, beliefs, or practices remain influential and that important information isn’t lost in your absence. Ultimately, legacy letters are a tool to pass cherished wisdom to those who have mattered to you throughout your life. 

Sources 

“A guide to writing a legacy letter.” Trust & Will. https://trustandwill.com/learn/legacy-letter-writing-guide 

“What is an ethical will? Definitions and examples of legacy letters.” Better Place Forests. https://www.betterplaceforests.com/blog/what-is-an-ethical-will-definitions-and-examples-of-legacy-letters/ 

If you’re the parent of young children and living with a life-limiting illness, an ethical will is a beautiful way to ensure your lasting presence in their lives. Create your will now, and then arrange for your spouse or partner, a family member, or friend to present it to your children at special times in their lives. You may also wish to create a separate heart will for each child. 

Remember that you can create your ethical will in any format you choose. If you want to write your children letters, you may wish to create a series of simple, handwritten notes that they can read after your death. Entrust the notes to someone close to you, and make sure they know when you would like your children to receive them. For example, should they read them all at once or individually on important dates, like holidays and birthdays? If your children are old enough to understand, perhaps you would like to have a family member read one of the letters at your memorial service or celebration of life. You might also want to store all the letters in a single box that you’ve decorated yourself and leave instructions for your children to open it at some point after your death. 

An audio or videotape is another wonderful way to share yourself with your children after you’re gone. Here, too, you may wish to create a series of recordings that can be shared with your children at important moments in their lives. If you choose an audio file, you may wish to include some hand-drawn illustrations or photos of yourself with your family doing something you all enjoyed. Ask a friend or loved one to store the files for you and share them with your children at the times you choose –for example,  a 21st birthday, a college graduation or when their first child is born. Hearing your voice or seeing your face again will be a gift they will treasure for many years to come.  

An ethical will is a very personal message to your loved ones. You are creating an enduring gift of yourself for them,  so it can include anything about you or your life that you would like them to know and hear directly from you. With that being said, it can be helpful to think about the following areas so that your ethical will conveys the true essence of who you are and how you would like to be remembered when you’re gone. 

Keep in mind that these are only suggestions: you don’t have to include everything listed here, and there may be things you want to add. Also, keep in mind that because ethical wills are letters, they tend not to be too long. Keep yourself from getting overwhelmed by deciding what seems most essential to share – the things you’d never want to go unsaid. You will be rewarded with instant peace of mind, and when time and inspiration allow, you can modify or add more if you wish. 

Your Personal History

• When were you born?
• Where were you born? 
• Where have you lived during your lifetime?
• Who were your parents and grandparents? 
• Are your parents still alive? If not, when did they die?
• Do you have siblings or extended family? 
• What is your race/ethnicity/cultural background and how has that informed your life? 
• Have you been married? 
• Do you have children/grandchildren?
• Who are your closest friends?
• Who are the people who have been most influential in your life (parents, teachers, clergy, friends?) 

Academic and Professional History

• What was your education like? 
• Did you enjoy school/learning? 
• What were your favorite subjects in school?
• Did you earn a degree? 
• If you worked outside the home, what did you do? 
• Was your career an important part of your identity?
• What were your greatest academic or professional achievements? 

Most Important Lessons

• What are the most important lessons you’ve learned in the course of your life that you think could be helpful for your audience to understand?
• How did you learn them? 

Important Memories

• What moments in your life do you remember most vividly? 
• What was the best experience of your life? 
• What was the worst experience of your life? 
• Do you have regrets? 
• What do you most regret?
• What are you most proud of?
• What are you most grateful for?

Favorite Activities Today and Yesterday

• What was your favorite thing to do as a kid? 
• Who was your best friend growing up and why? 
• What are your favorite things to do today? 
• Who do you most enjoy doing them with? 
• What activities do you avoid? 

Values and Beliefs

• What are your most important values and why?
• Do you practice a religion?
• If so, how important to you is your faith? 
• If not, do you have any spiritual beliefs that guide you in life? 
• What are your political views?
• What values and beliefs have most significantly shaped who you are?
• What is the most important thing others should know about you? 

Hopes and Aspirations

• What do you hope to achieve in your life going forward?
• What are your goals? 
• Do you have a “bucket list”? If so, what are the top few items on the list? 
• What do you wish for in the lives of those you are writing?
• What do you want your audience to always remember?

Tips and Advice

• What is the one thing you know now that you wish you had known before? 
• What words of wisdom would you share with your younger self? 
• What is the No. 1 piece of advice you would pass on to future generations?
  

Practical Matters

• What type of funeral or memorial service would you prefer?
• Where would you like the memorial service to be held?
• What songs or music would you like played at your service?
• Where would you like to be buried?
• If you prefer cremation, how would you like your ashes handled? (e.g., scattered in a specific location? buried? distributed among your loved ones? 

Words of Love and Gratitude

• What words of love and care do you want to share and with whom? 
• How have your loved ones enriched your life?
• What do you appreciate about them?

Remember, too, that an ethical will is a wonderful opportunity to ask for and grant forgiveness, to express gratitude, and to tell the people you value that you love them and why. Beyond all else, these may be the things that they cherish long after you are gone. 

Ethical wills are not always in a written format. Traditionally, they were handwritten, but today you can create one in any number of creative ways. They need not follow a standardized set of instructions or “rules.” There is no set formula for how to create an ethical will. It will be your own unique creation. Any format that allows you to express yourself freely and from the heart will work. Some of our favorite examples include:

Video recording

A video is a wonderful way to create a personal legacy for those you care about and to pass on the information, reflections and feelings you most want to communicate to your o your family and friends. We recommend that you spend time in advance making notes about what you want to say, and rather than creating a script, use those notes as a reference because you want to be speaking to the camera naturally. Though you can film yourself in “selfie mode” on your camera,”  the quality will probably be best if you ask someone else to do the filming, either a friend, or family member, or a professional videographer. Feel free to make as many revisions or additions as you need to make so you’re sure you’ve said everything you wanted to say. Once it is done, store the recording in a safe digital space and share it from there, or use a flash drive or CD. We also recommend creating a printed transcript of the recording in case the digital storage technology gets outdated or compromised in the future. 

Audio recording

If you’re not comfortable on camera (many people aren’t) an audio recording is another great way to leave a personal, heartfelt message to those you love. As with a video, you should write down your thoughts before you begin so you can keep the message on point. Once you’re done, you can attach the recording to an email and send it to your friends and family, or create a CD or a flash drive and mail a physical copy to everyone on your list. With any digital creation, it is a good idea to create a printed transcript because digital storage technology changes over time, and you wouldn’t want all that you shared to be lost.

Letter or letters

Letters are timeless, and creating a personal legacy letter that is either handwritten or typed can be very therapeutic and a deeply meaningful gift to those you love. You can use personalized stationery, note cards, your computer, or just a lined yellow legal pad — the choice is yours. The important thing is to get your thoughts and feelings on paper and to speak from the heart.  You may need to create many drafts before you have the letter exactly as you want it. You may also want to write more than one: Many parents write one to each of their children and one to their spouse. You could also write to your siblings, members of your extended family or close friends. If your parents are still alive, they would also love to get a letter expressing all they mean to you. 

A work of art

If you enjoy painting, sculpting or drawing, you may want to create a piece of art to give to your loved ones as a legacy gift. This can be accompanied by a letter describing your inspiration — what you were feeling and thinking as you created the piece and what you hope to convey. A collage is also a wonderful choice. Try combining photos from important events in your life with images taken from magazines, stickers, or handwritten notes. 

A scrapbook

Creating a scrapbook is very therapeutic, and the finished product will make a wonderful legacy for those you love. You can make the scrapbook by hand using old photos, scraps of fabric from your favorite clothing, and other memorabilia that’s important to you. Or, if you prefer, create a digital scrapbook using online editing software such as this scrapbook maker from Canva.

A diary or memoir

Creating an ethical will need not be a one-time effort. You may wish to keep a diary specifically to share with your loved ones at some later time. You can keep it in handwritten form, or create it on a computer and then turn it into a beautiful ebook using online software, such as the e-book creator from Lulu. If you are living with a life-limiting illness, this is a great way to chronicle your journey and share your triumphs and disappointments with those who have helped you along the way. 

Whatever format you choose, take some time to think about the kinds of things you would like to include in your ethical will. Some people find it helpful to create a template or outline, or to write down the questions that their document is meant to address. You can always add or remove content later, but starting out with some clear goals will keep you on track to be able to truly convey all you want to say. 

Sources

Canva. https://www.canva.com/create/scrapbooks/ 

Lulu. https://www.lulu.com/create/ebooks?gclid=Cj0KCQiAi8KfBhCuARIsADp-A57Fgszc_FP_0ToB64xMNtCubCdBXHO-TpXSJ7pdXp6h2aAD0ZdsFzkaAvvVEALw_wcB