25 Jokey Quotes About Courage and Bravery in Facing Death

Laughing in the Face of the Inevitable, One Joke at a Time

Talking about death is rarely easy; joking about it takes a special kind of chutzpah. But humor has long been one of humanity’s favorite coping mechanisms, allowing us to stare down the inevitable with a bit of grace (and perhaps a smidge less panic.) In this collection of funny and surprisingly wise quotes about courage in the face of death, you’ll find reminders that bravery doesn’t always look solemn or stoic. Sometimes, it sounds like a sarcastic punchline, a perfectly timed quip, or a refusal to let fear get the last word.

“I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.”

— Woody Allen

“On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.”

— Woody Allen

“I don’t mind dying, the trouble is you feel so bloody stiff the next day.”

— George Axelrod

“I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.”

— Mark Twain

“I’m rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.”

— Bob Monkhouse

“Afraid of death? Not at all. Be a great relief. Then I wouldn’t have to talk to you.”

— Katharine Hepburn

“I do not fear death. I resent it. Everything must die, apparently, and I am no exception. But I want to be consulted.”

— Tom Robbins

“I can’t afford to die; I’d lose too much money.”

— George Burns

“I intend to live forever or die trying.”

— Groucho Marx

“The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.”

— Mark Twain

“I’m not ready to die. Period. To begin with, I cannot imagine a future without me in it. Can’t do it.”

— Robert Schimmel

“Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him.”

— John Barrymore

“At my age, I’m often asked if I’m frightened of death and my reply is always, I can’t remember being frightened of birth.”

— Peter Ustinov

“I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.”

— Winston Churchill

“I have a long-standing friendship with death. When it comes, I will ask her to sit down and relax, then I’ll suggest to her champagne. Because, in fact, I’m a coward.”

— Salvador Dali

“Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.”

— Isaac Asimov

“I’m trying to die correctly, but it’s very difficult, you know.”

— Lawrence Durrell

“Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.”

— W. Somerset Maugham

“I would like to think I will die a heroic death, but it’s more likely I’ll trip over my dog and choke on a spoonful frosting.”

— Unknown

“I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather…Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.”

— Will Shriner

“I hope to arrive to my death, late, in love, and a little drunk.”

— Atticus

“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely, in a well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy shit, what a ride!’”

— Mavis Leyrer

“If even dying is to be made a social function, then grant me the favor of sneaking out on tiptoe without disturbing the party”

— Dag Hammarskjold

“The art of dying graciously is nowhere advertised, in spite of the fact that its market potential is great.”

— Milton Mayer

“Suicide is man’s way of telling God, ‘You can’t fire me – I quit.’”

— Bill Maher