What Is an Ethical Will or Heart Will?

July 9th, 2025

An ethical will, also called a heart will, legacy letter, love will or spiritual will, is a non-binding  oral or written message that conveys your values, thoughts, memories, hopes and ideals to the people you love. A centuries-old tradition that dates back to Biblical times, ethical wills were initially oral wills and were primarily a means for dying fathers to convey their final wishes to their sons. In Genesis, for example, the patriarch Jacob gathers his 12 sons around him on his deathbed and gives them his blessings, offers moral and philosophical guidance, and tells them where he wishes to be buried. According to Rabbi Charles Rudansky, the pastoral director for MJHS Health System in New York City, this Biblical passage serves as a model for the modern ethical will and provides “the starting points in terms of what Jewish tradition feels should be discussed at the end of life.” 

Other examples of oral ethical wills from ancient times include Deuteronomy 32:46–47, in which Moses instructs the Israelites to “Take to heart all the words I have solemnly declared to you this day, so that you may command your children to obey carefully all the words of this law,” And while the concept of ethical wills is deeply rooted in Jewish tradition in his book Ethical Wills: Putting Your Values on Paper, author Barry Baines cites John 15-17, which recounts Jesus’ final advice to his disciples, ( “…my command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.”) as an example of an oral ethical will. Other historians point to Matthew 5, in which Jesus speaks to his disciples from the mountaintop, first blessing them, and then instructing them on ways to live a moral life.  

Written Ethical Wills

Ethical wills began to evolve to written form during the Middle Ages, when they were often created as addendums to a conventional legal will. Sometimes called “Teachings of the Fathers,” these addendums were often lengthy testaments to the will-maker’s philosophical, moral and religious beliefs. According to some historians, they were looked upon in some families as a way for the patriarch to fulfill his moral obligation to pass on his knowledge, wisdom and — most importantly — his values and ethics to his sons before he died, hence the term,”ethical will.” Some were quite poetic and detailed, like the 50-plus page ethical will written by Judah ben Saul ibn Tibbon, and the 132-item list of religious tenets created during the 14th century by Asher, the son of Yechiel, who named his ethical will “Ways of Life.” Asher’s numerous admonitions include this wise advice: “Be not over-hasty to respond to offensive remarks; raise not thy hand against another, even if he curses thy father or thy mother in thy presence.” 

The tradition of the ethical will continued in this vein throughout most of the 15th through 17th centuries. But by the mid-18th century, they had become more personal and less philosophical in nature. These more modern ethical wills included practical information such as burial instructions and debts to be paid, as well as advice about carrying on religious traditions, blessings, and expressions of love. The tradition also began to spread beyond the Jewish community and be adopted by people of all faiths and walks of life. 

The Modern Ethical Will or Heart Will

Today, the concept of an ethical will has evolved a great deal, from a straightforward set of moral and practical instructions to a means of exploring and sharing one’s deepest thoughts, feelings, beliefs, values, or life lessons with family, friends, children or the community at large. In today’s modern culture, it is also referred to as a heart will.  Though many are created by people toward the end of their lives as they are actively contemplating the legacy they wish to leave, they can be written at any time.  Ethical wills can be timeless and beautiful vehicles for sharing expressions of love and gratitude and can also serve as a therapeutic platform for people who have faced challenging circumstances and want to share how they found meaning and purpose in their lives. As a non-binding component of an estate plan, they can also be valuable instruments for sharing the stories and values behind the financial assets being passed down. 

One example: The Letters from Dad project, founded in Dallas in the early 2000s by Greg Vaughn. A two-time Emmy-winning producer, Vaughn is the father of seven children, and after his own father died, he found himself wanting to find a meaningful way to share his love, praise, values, and ideals with his children after he was gone. He began writing letters and found the practice so impactful that he began sharing the idea with his friends. Eventually, he formed a small group of 14 men who wrote a set of four letters each — one to their wife, one to their children, one to their parents, and one to their communities. The project caught on, and is now so popular that it has expanded nationwide, and instructions for writing the letters have been published in Vaughn’s book, Letters from Dad.

Ethical Will Formats

Ethical wills and heart wills may be formatted in a myriad of creative ways. Though most commonly a written document, some people choose to create video or audio recordings of themselves talking about their life, their experiences and the things they have learned along the way. Others leave a laundry list of practical tips and advice for their children, while still others may use an ethical will as a non-binding adjunct to their legal will, bequeathing sentimental items with little monetary value to their loved ones informally or to explain to some of the elements of their estate plan.

Ethical wills do not need to be written or even spoken; art or collage can be a powerful medium for sharing memories, values and feelings as well by mixing visuals with words. Similarly, a poem or piece of original music or even a compilation of favorite songs can offer loved ones a snapshot of a person’s thoughts and feelings in ways they might never be able to express with just written words. 

In summary, a heart will or ethical will can be created in almost any format. What’s more, you need not limit yourself to creating just one. You may wish to create one for your children or grandchildren, one for your spouse, and one for your friends and extended family, each one tailored to that specific audience. You may also want to consider creating a new heart will every few years, or adding to your original version as your experiences, feelings, and even your world view will undoubtedly change with time. 

Who should create an ethical will? 

Although they are often thought of as letters to loved ones before dying, anyone can create an ethical will at any point in their lives. A mother might write a letter to her child and update it every year on the child’s birthday. She could then give it to the child when they reach a certain milestone, such as a 21st birthday or the birth of their own child. Someone else might choose to write a letter expressing love and gratitude to their life partner and update it every year on their anniversary. This type of ethical will can also be written as a series of legacy letters that you write at especially important or challenging times in your life. 

While some people create their ethical will with the idea that it will be read after their death, others find the idea of giving their ethical will during their life an appealing way of deepening their relationships and promoting clarity and understanding. Sharing an ethical will during life, with the understanding that more might be added to later on, creates the opportunity to turn a monologue into a dialogue that can reward all parties in often beautiful and unexpected ways.

Though a non-binding ethical will is not an essential part of a standard estate plan, it can be a beautiful vehicle for passing on your intangible wealth alongside your tangible wealth.  Anyone who wishes to leave a lasting legacy for future generations should consider creating an ethical will as a very helpful and meaningful gift for your loved ones that is deeply satisfying to create and will stand as a timeless testament to your values, reflections, and feelings.

Sources

“The Wealth of Your Life: A Step-by-Step Guide for Creating Your Ethical Will” by Susan Turnbull. https://www.personallegacyadvisors.com/guidebook

“Jewish Ethical Wills” by Jamie Rubin. https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/jewish-ethical-wills-tzavaot/

“Ethical Wills: Putting Your Values on Paper,” 2nd Edition Paperback by Barry K. Baines

“Letters From Dad: How to Leave a Legacy of Faith, Hope, and Love for Your Family” by Greg Vaughn