Talking About Death Additional Resources
SevenPonds recommends the following resources to our clients who wish to learn more about talking about death.
Notable Experts and Thought Leaders
Brian Carpenter, PhD
A clinical psychologist and professor at Washington University in St. Louis, Dr. Carpenter is a leading researcher on family communication and decision-making at the end of life. His work focuses on how families navigate difficult conversations about advanced directives and healthcare decisions. He emphasizes the importance of planning early and provides practical strategies for bringing up these sensitive topics in a way that builds confidence and reduces stress.
Maureen P. Keeley, PhD & Julie Yingling, PhD
Communication experts and authors of The Good Goodbye, these researchers have studied countless real-life examples of final conversations, identifying themes like love, forgiveness, identity, and healing. Their work reveals that final interactions are not always words but can be gestures and expressions, offering a transformative perspective on what a “good goodbye” looks like. They provide powerful insights on overcoming fear to have final conversations that positively change attitudes and life paths.
Suzanne O’Brien, RN
A widely respected palliative care and oncology nurse with over two decades of experience, Suzanne O’Brien has witnessed the deaths of hundreds of people and advocates for proactive planning. Her book The Good Death is a practical, step-by-step guide that helps individuals plan for their end-of-life care as a way to reduce fear and burden on loved ones. It includes a “peace of mind planner” covering physical, mental, emotional, financial, and spiritual aspects of preparing for death.
Dr. Jill Gross
As a grief therapist who specializes in navigating life’s most challenging transitions, Dr. Gross offers simple, actionable advice for starting end-of-life conversations. She recommends scheduling the conversation to show respect for the topic, naming the discomfort to take away some of its power, and using a neutral, calm moment to “strike while the iron is cold”. Her framework organizes end-of-life planning into three clear areas: people, money, and things.
Amy Shaw, PA-C
Amy Shaw is a palliative care provider who authored The Arc of Conversation and developed an easy-to-learn, standardized approach for having compassionate goals-of-care discussions. Her method provides specific questions and starter language for guiding families through conversations about disease progression, advanced directives, code status, and hospice care. This technique can be used at any stage of an illness, helping align medical treatment with what truly matters to the patient.
Key Books and Publications
“The Good Goodbye” by Maureen P. Keeley & Julie Yingling
This book provides communication-based examples and expertise about end-of-life conversations, designed to inspire and teach readers how to have their own final conversations. It explores how culture shapes final interactions, emphasizing that the last exchanges may not consist of words but of gestures and expressions. Based on real-life interviews, it covers themes like love, everyday talk, identity, spiritual messages, and healing difficult relationships.
“The Good Death” by Suzanne O’Brien, RN
This is a comprehensive step-by-step guide described as “the What to Expect When You’re Expecting for the end of life”. The book is divided into a comprehensive resource that includes discussions around the fear of death and a workbook-style “peace of mind planner” covering physical, mental, emotional, financial, and spiritual aspects. It urges everyone 18 and over to consider advance directives and plan for their best-case, middle, and last-choice scenarios.
“The Arc of Conversation” by Amy Shaw, PA-C
This book presents a standardized, easy-to-learn approach for having compassionate goals-of-care conversations, filling an important gap in medical communication training. It teaches specific questions and starter language clinicians and families can use to discuss disease progression, advanced directives, code status, and hospice care. The technique can be used for any diagnosis, at any age or stage of illness, by healthcare professionals at any level, including an Arc of Conversation Guide for learning.
“Talking About Death: A Dialogue Between Parent and Child” by Earl Grollman
A classic, compassionate guide for adults and children to read together, featuring a read-along story and answers to the questions children commonly ask about death. It includes a helpful list of dos and don’ts for parents, making it an accessible resource for families coping with loss. The book also provides a comprehensive list of additional resources and organizations for further support.
Practical Resources and Organizations
The Conversation Project
The Conversation Project is a free, research-based initiative from the Institute for Healthcare Improvement that provides downloadable starter kits to help people share their wishes for end-of-life care. Their starter guide is organized around four steps: Think About What Matters to You, Plan Your Talk, Start Talking, and Keep Talking—acknowledging that these conversations often take time. Resources are available in English, Spanish, Chinese, and audio formats, with specialized kits for Alzheimer’s/dementia, cancer, children, LGBTQ+ individuals, and more.
Earth Funeral Conversation Starters Guide
This practical guide, developed with input from grief therapist Dr. Jill Gross, provides specific, actionable advice on how to begin conversations with spouses, adult children, aging parents, and close friends. It includes scripts for bringing up the topic (“I read this article…”), names the difficulty (“I want to talk about something that might feel uncomfortable, but it’s important.”), and breaks down planning into three clear categories: People, Money, and Things. The guide emphasizes that anticipation is harder than the conversation itself and that these talks bring relief, not burden.
The New York Times – “In Her Words” on Hard Conversations
This article series features Anna Sale’s practical advice on navigating difficult end-of-life conversations, including specific phrases to use and how to invite loved ones into the discussion rather than ambushing them. It explores why we avoid these talks—including fear of making others uncomfortable—and why having them is so essential for connection and peace. The resource also addresses how to handle situations where the conversation doesn’t resolve the unsettled feeling that prompted it.
UCSF Health End-of-Life Library Materials
This curated list of books available for loan includes essential titles for families wanting to talk about death, including Talking About Death: A Dialogue Between Parent and Child by Earl Grollman and Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children by Bryan Mellonie and Robert Ingpen. It also includes resources for adults, such as Dying Well by Dr. Ira Byock and How We Die by Sherwin B. Nuland. The list is maintained by the UCSF Patient and Family Cancer Support Center, which also offers access to bereavement support groups and spiritual care services.
American Psychological Association (APA) – “Speaking of Psychology” Podcast
Episode 51 of this APA podcast features psychologist Brian Carpenter, PhD, discussing why it’s important to have end-of-life conversations with loved ones and how to approach them successfully. The episode explores how psychology can help us understand decision-making, emotion management, and the relationships that affect these discussions. It provides listeners with a sense of confidence and competence for bringing up these topics, even when they feel uncomfortable.