What Is Anticipatory Grief?

Anticipatory grief is a term used to describe the emotional reactions that loved ones experience prior to a terminally ill person’s death. It frequently involves many of the same feelings that occur after a death, such as sadness, anxiety and fear of the unknown. Both family and caregivers may experience anticipatory grief. A similar type of grief experienced by the dying person is referred to as preparatory grief.

Anticipatory grief can be useful and therapeutic. During a period of anticipatory grieving, both the person who is dying and their loved ones have the chance to complete “unfinished business” and say goodbye. This sometimes helps to diminish the intensity of the grief that friends and family members experience after the death occurs. But this is not always the case. In fact, knowing that a loved one’s death is imminent sometimes intensifies a person’s attachment to them. This can cause their grief following the person’s death to be more intense. 

Family caregivers are especially susceptible to anticipatory grief because their attachment to the person who is dying is so intimate and, in most cases, long-term. Many people in this situation feel conflicted and even ashamed because they don’t want to lose the person they love, yet desperately want their suffering to end. Some caregivers experience such chronic, long-term anticipatory grief that it leads to depression, which can make caregiving more difficult and grief after the death occurs more intense. 

With that said, some experts believe that true anticipatory grief is actually very rare because it is impossible to truly mourn someone’s death while they are still alive. Nevertheless, people often mourn other losses before a death occurs. For example, they may grieve for the loss of their loved one’s companionship; the loss of the future they planned together; or the sense that their own future was certain and secure. These are all components of anticipatory grief. 

Like all grief, anticipatory grief varies greatly between individuals. It’s important for family members to understand this, and accept that their loved ones are likely in different places in their grief journey during the period before a loved one dies. Some people may not have grieved at all, while others may have begun to separate themselves emotionally from the person who is dying. Neither reaction is right or wrong. 

Sources

“Grief and Mourning”. MedicineNet. https://www.medicinenet.com/loss_grief_and_bereavement/article.htm 

“Dementia Grief: A Theoretical Model of a Unique Grief Experience”. National Library of Medicine. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4853283/