31 Humorous Quotes About AgingA lighthearted collection of witty, relatable lines that celebrate growing older with humor, perspective, and a touch of sarcasm.
Aging has a funny way of sneaking up on you; one day you’re pulling all-nighters, and the next you’re celebrating a full eight hours of sleep like you’ve won the […]
Aging has a funny way of sneaking up on you; one day you’re pulling all-nighters, and the next you’re celebrating a full eight hours of sleep like you’ve won the lottery. But if there’s one thing that makes growing older a little easier, it’s a good sense of humor. After all, as Betty White famously quipped, “The older you get, the better you get… unless you’re a banana.”
“As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer.”
— Robert Quillen
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age.”
— Lucille Ball
“An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.”
— Agatha Christie
“You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.”
— Woody Allen
“I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am.”
— Francis Bacon
“Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie.”
— Jim Davis
“Age is of no importance unless you’re a cheese.”
— Billie Burke
“Whatever a man’s age, he can reduce it several years by putting a bright-colored flower in his button-hole.”
— Mark Twain
“Most people die at 25 and aren’t buried until they’re 75.”
— Attributed to Benjamin Franklin (possibly anonymous)
“Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.”
— Anonymous
“I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.”
— Bob Hope
“I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward.”
— John Mortimer
“A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.”
— Robert Frost
“I believe my house is haunted. Every time I look in my mirror, a crazy old lady stands in front of me so I can’t see my reflection.”
— Anonymous
“Wrinkles should only indicate where smiles have been.”
— Mark Twain
“The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything.”
— Oscar Wilde
“Age is a high price to pay for maturity.”
— Tom Stoppard
“You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.”
— Bob Hope
“Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to.”
— Bill Vaughan
“Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.”
— Mark Twain
“At my age, flowers scare me.”
— George Burns
“I Thought Growing Old Would Take Longer”
— Unknown
“Middle Age: when you chose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy”
— Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960
“I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.”
— Joan Rivers
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.”
— Larry Lorenzoni
“If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.”
— George Burns
“The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.”
— Helen Hayes
“We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.”
— Bryan White
“At my age, I’m often asked if I’m frightened of death and my reply is always, I can’t remember being frightened of birth.”
— Peter Ustinov
“I’m very pleased to be here. Let’s face it, at my age I’m very pleased to be anywhere.”
— George Burns
“Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.”
— Groucho Marx
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