How Does One Go About Accepting Death and Mortality?

July 9th, 2025

Accepting death and mortality is essential to leading a fulfilling, meaningful life. Although many of us avoid thinking or talking about death, either our own or our loved ones’, the reality is that it is all around us. Every living creature has a finite amount of time on this Earth, and not one of us is guaranteed another second of life. We all know this on an intellectual level. But in our day-to-day lives, we are experts at denying the reality of death. 

To some extent, this death denial makes perfect sense. Living with the awareness that we can die at any moment can provoke enormous anxiety and leave us so paralyzed with fear that we fail to pursue our dreams. But the opposite is also true. Without some acceptance of the impermanence of our lives, without some willingness to see that the time to identify and live our values is now, we are more or less doomed to live on autopilot, reacting to circumstance rather than making intentional choices that align with what matters most to us. 

So, how do we begin to embrace mortality and the certainty of death? Philosophers and theologians have grappled with that question for centuries, and their conclusions differ in many respects. But almost universally, they point to the need for quiet introspection, reflection on what matters most to us, and a willingness to face the unknown with acceptance and equanimity. Some practices that may help facilitate these ends include the following.

Live Mindfully

Perhaps the single most crucial aspect of accepting death and mortality is learning to be present with what is. We humans live most of our lives in the future or the past, planning for what we will do tomorrow or ruminating about what we did or failed to do yesterday. We are so distracted by our thoughts, plans, worries, and fears that we rarely stop to experience what is happening around us in the here and now. 

Distraction is the natural state of the human mind. Thoughts, feelings and emotions flow through our brains as inexorably as the ebb and flow of the tide. We can’t stop them. But we can notice them, and by noticing, we can begin to see how fleeting they are and how little they reflect our lived experience. It takes practice — a daily period of quiet introspection during which we notice how our thoughts and feelings come and go. But eventually, this awareness allows us to view the world in a calmer, less reactive way. Fears and anxieties will not dissolve, but we can begin to view them as part of our overall experience and be less reactive and defensive when they appear. Eventually, this mindful awareness can help reduce the power that death anxiety holds over us and allow us to view our mortality with curiosity rather than fear.

Consciously Reflect on Impermanence

Human beings have an innate predisposition to belief perseverance: We tend to hold on to our deeply held beliefs even in the face of strong contradictory evidence. This tendency leads many of us to look at ourselves and our worlds as if they will never change. Despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, we instinctively deny the impermanence around us and fail to accept that entropy is the natural order of things. Even when we cannot perceive it, everything in the universe, including ourselves, constantly moves towards a state of non-being, disorder and death. 

Meditation is one avenue to embracing impermanence. Noticing the ever-changing internal landscape of our thoughts and emotions allows us to witness that our minds are in a constant state of flux. We can also meditate on the external sensations that we tend not to recognize in the busyness of our lives: the sounds, sights, and smells that are such an overlooked part of our day-to-day experience. Noticing these things regularly, even if only for a moment or two at a time, helps us to accept the ever-changing nature of life. 

Spending time in nature is yet another way to connect with impermanence. From the quality of the light as the day morphs into night to the predictable cycle of a garden as it sprouts, grows, then withers and dies, nature demonstrates the temporary nature of all things in a very tangible way. More importantly, it also allows us to see that the natural cycle of life and death is necessary for our survival — that in a very real way, death feeds life. In the words of the late Steve Jobs, “…death is very likely the single best invention of life. It is life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new.”

Lastly, make it a point to think about death for a few minutes a day to help you focus on the fact that time is, indeed, running out. Accepting that death can happen at any time is a way to live life more fully and avoid regrets at the end of life. Ask yourself: “If I knew I was going to die today, what would I do? Who would I talk to, and what would I say?” According to Dr. Ira Byock, author of “The Four Things that Matter Most”  some things most of us need to say to our loved ones are:

• Please forgive me.
• I forgive you.
• Thank you.
• I love you.

You may also want to write a letter to the important people in your life explaining your feelings, thoughts, values and beliefs in greater detail. Frisch Brandt, who founded the organization Lasting Letters, spoke to SevenPonds in an interview several years ago and suggested the following writing prompts to help you organize your thoughts. 

• Don’t forget…
• What I value about you…
• What my job has meant to me…
• What I will miss… 
• Where I turn when I seek comfort and advice…
• Favorite books and movies…
• What to do about fears…

You can do the same thing in an ethical will or heart will if you prefer. 

Talk About Your Fear of Death

Fearing death is a normal part of being human. Death is the greatest of all unknowns. Reports of near-death experiences notwithstanding, no one has ever come back from the dead to tell us what it was like. Research shows that humans maintain consciousness for about 2 to 20 seconds after breathing and circulation stop. Some scientists, like Dr. Sam Parnia, who has studied near-death experiences for nearly two decades, believe this is evidence that we know when we have died. But even with Parnia’s expansive research, we have no accurate information about what it feels like to die. 

It’s not surprising, then, that death is a terrifying concept to many of us. Even those who are not concerned about the moment of death itself typically fear the losses death entails. Having to say goodbye to loved ones and treasured friends and knowing that your death will cause pain to the ones you love are experiences few of us can contemplate without some degree of fear. 

But denying our fears can compound them, while discussing them can make them far more manageable. Whether in a structured setting like a therapist’s office or a casual conversation with close friends, talking about our fear of death can lead to a sense of shared vulnerability and deeper empathy. After all, we are all “doomed” to the same fate. Pretending that death won’t happen or that it doesn’t frighten us only makes us feel more alone. 

Live Authentically 

Living an authentic life means living in a way that is congruent with your values and deeply held beliefs. But to accomplish this, you must first fully identify and understand your core values and most precious beliefs. Unfortunately, in our society, few people take the time to consider these in any intentional way. 

In his 1997 Pulitzer Prize winning book, “The Denial of Death” Ernest Becker puts forth the hypothesis that we avoid living authentically precisely because we fear death. Although the book is far too complex to summarize here, Becker’s central theory is that humans seek immortality above all else. And they do so by striving to become “heroes” and accomplish great things. But because few of us can achieve hero status in the real world, we seek status within the construct of the society in which we live. In other words, we seek to be “more” (whether that is more wealthy, more powerful, more beautiful or more successful)  than those to whom we compare ourselves. And we do so because of our innate and all-encompassing fear of losing our identity to the anonymity of death. 

On the other hand, identifying our core values is a well-established path to managing death anxiety. According to terror management theorists, death anxiety can lead us to adopt insular and even maladaptive beliefs and behaviors as a means of protecting ourselves from feelings of isolation and vulnerability. Conversely, examining what we value most and aligning our goals and actions with those values can give us purpose and direction that, in turn, leads to resilience in the face of fear. Frank Ostaseski, an author, teacher and spiritual guide and founder of the Metta Institute further explained this concept in a 2018 interview with SevenPonds, 

“…Without an awareness of death, we tend to take life for granted, often becoming lost in endless pursuits of self-gratification. When we keep death at our fingertips, it reminds us not to hold on to life too tightly. We take ourselves and our ideas a little less seriously. We let go a little more easily. When we recognize that death comes to everyone, we appreciate that we are all in the boat together. This helps us to become a bit kinder and  gentler with one another.”

In other words, when we replace our need to avoid death with consciousness of its proximity, we can more clearly see the path that will lead us to a fuller, more meaningful life. 

If you’re unsure where to start examining your values, try creating a list of qualities you admire in others or yourself. Some often-cited examples include:

• Honesty
• Integrity
• Loyalty
• Compassion
• Self-assurance
• Family-oriented
• Kindness
• Spirituality
• Generosity
• Hard-working
• Empathy
• Loving

Try to focus on what makes the person you admire what they are rather than on what they do. Then take the time to sort through which of these qualities mean the most to you in your life and set goals based on those you have identified. 

Build a Legacy

When contemplating mortality or the inevitability of your death, it can be helpful to consider how you wish others to remember you when you are no longer alive. What can you leave behind for those who survive you to remind them of who you were and what you accomplished? Children and family are a legacy for many of us, but there are many other ways to leave a lasting imprint after you’re gone. 

Ask yourself what you can do to leave the world a little better than when you were alive, and then strive to accomplish that in the time you have left. You can do something as simple as helping to establish a community garden in your neighborhood or volunteering for an organization whose mission you believe in. If you love children, consider tutoring youngsters struggling to keep up in grade school or volunteering to coach a local Little League team. Anything you can do that serves others, whether they are your close friends, your community, or the world as a whole, leaves a legacy that others will remember after you’re gone. 

Remember, too, that your words, deeds and attitude can be a legacy in themselves. Treating others with kindness, respect and empathy can leave a lasting legacy that would make anyone proud. 

Accept that Suffering is Part of Life

In our modern world, we view suffering and discomfort as unwelcome visitors — annoyances to be eradicated as quickly as possible so we can get on with our lives. This attitude leads to avoidance of all unpleasantness. We hold on so tightly to the notion that life should be easy and carefree that we tend to use any means necessary to distract ourselves from the truth that it is anything but. As Ostaseski explains:

“Our primary human practice is to protect ourselves from discomfort. Each day consumed with distraction; surfing the Internet, watching TV, working long hours, drinking, eating. Our approach naturally leads to epidemics of alcoholism and drug abuse; compulsive overeating, gambling, and shopping; and an insecure attachment to our technological devices.” 

It also leads us to detach from our internal reality and distance ourselves from the people we value the most. 

In reality, suffering is a natural outcome of being alive in a world in which everything dies. In the words of the late spiritual teacher Stephen Levine,” Nothing is more natural than grief, no emotion more common to our daily experience. It’s an innate response to loss in a world where everything is impermanent.” Accepting that truth is difficult. But it allows us to soften to the pain of loss in a way that frees us from the need to “fix” it or make it go away. So when death does enter our lives, either in the form of a terminal diagnosis or the loss of someone we love, we can accept the normalcy of our reactions and allow grief to unfold naturally. 

Summary

In summary, accepting death and mortality is a lifelong endeavor. It’s unlikely that any of us will ever reach a point of complete acceptance of the fact that there will come a time when we will no longer be alive. But we can begin to feel more comfortable with that truth if we take the time to be fully present and live our lives with intention and authenticity,

Sources

“Being ‘mindful’ can neutralize fears of death and dying.” ScienceDaily. www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/02/110228151800.htm

“Why do we maintain the same beliefs, even when we are proved wrong?” The Decision Lab. https://thedecisionlab.com/biases/belief-perseverance

“After death, you’re aware that you’ve died, say scientists”. Big Think. https://bigthink.com/surprising-science/after-death-youre-aware-that-youve-died-scientists-claim

“Terror Management Theory”. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/terror-management-theory