Understanding & Acceptance Around Death & Mortality

Different cultures can offer diverse perspectives regarding the acceptance of mortality, many of which reflect the vast expanse of beliefs, traditions, and values that exist around the world. These perspectives influence the attitudes that people hold about death as well as how they react to grief and loss. They also provide insight into practices that may follow directly after a death has occurred. 

Western societies often have perspectives that frame mortality in the context of the afterlife or spiritual transcendence. Due to this perspective, some individuals seek to live according to spiritual or religious beliefs that emphasize the importance of actions taken and how they influence the overall outcome and experience of the afterlife. This spiritual or religious context can help some individuals to accept their mortality as they take a proactive approach in preparing for their transition from life to death.

Many Eastern cultures are influenced by Buddhist and Hindu philosophies. These beliefs often emphasize the transience and cyclical nature of life. Some emphasize the acceptance of mortality through understanding that death is another component of the cosmic order. Practices of mindfulness and meditation can help individuals achieve acceptance, if not a greater sense of peace, surrounding the overall inevitability of death as part of life.

Secular or humanistic views are also particularly prominent across many modern cultures. These perspectives examine the acceptance of mortality through an existential, philosophical, or ethical lens. Individuals who accept their mortality in these contexts often express having a greater sense of interconnectedness with others and draw deeply on the meaning of personal experience. 

Some Indigenous cultures honor the connection between the natural world and spirits of ancestors, acknowledging the unique balance that must be maintained to achieve harmony. The acceptance of mortality is interwoven with these beliefs, understanding that death is a natural part of life. Indigenous cultures may also emphasize the impact of death in the context of the larger community and the experience of collective grief. 

Every culture has its own customs, rites, and practices that reflect the nuances of how we understand death and dying in our world. Although some cultures may have similarities in how death is approached and acknowledged, it is important not to generalize them; all are unique and hold their own significance. Cultural beliefs and practices shape our attitudes regarding death and help us to process the wide range of emotions that emerge with grief and the experience of loss. Exploring and remaining curious about cultural perspectives on death and dying can broaden existing perceptions beyond our own lens and, likewise, enrich our understanding of our collective relationship with mortality.

Sources

“Death and Dying: How Different Cultures View the End”. Country Navigator. https://www.countrynavigator.com/blog/death-and-dying-how-different-cultures-view-the-end

The perception of mortality and methods for coping can vary among different age groups depending on their developmental stages and the experiences that have shaped their perspectives and attitudes toward death. Understanding how different age groups perceive and conceptualize death makes providing meaningful support following a loss easier. It can also provide insight into helpful approaches when someone is navigating the process of coming to terms with their mortality.

Children and adolescents often encounter death through the loss of a loved one or a pet. Due to their developmental stages, they may conceptualize death more literally or imaginatively, depending on the circumstances and how adults have explained it. Sometimes, they may be very emotional about death, but they may not know how to express how they are feeling. They may have concerns or fears that they are going to die, too, after experiencing the loss of a friend, family member, or pet. Helping children and adolescents cope with mortality often involves having age-appropriate conversations with them and exploring creative outlets that enable them to express themselves. Using straightforward language and breaking down concepts gradually, asking them questions, and answering questions they may have are all excellent ways to help them navigate their concerns about mortality. 

Young adults tend to have significantly different perceptions of mortality in comparison to the former age group. Individuals in this stage of life often focus on pursuing their careers, forming meaningful relationships, exploring their independence, or even starting a family. Many have encountered multiple losses at this point in their lives. Yet, while they are aware of the brevity of life, they don’t frequently reflect on mortality or prepare for it the same way as older adults. However, they do begin to explore existential questions and reflect on mortality following the loss of a loved one, especially if the death was sudden and unexpected. Individuals in this age group often benefit from coping strategies such as self-care, pursuing personal growth, and seeking peer support. 

Middle-aged adults usually have achieved many of the goals they pursued during their younger years and have established a family or a close-knit social circle. They are frequently more focused on building on these prior accomplishments and are deeply invested in their personal growth and development. Many individuals in this group reflect on their legacy and what they want to achieve in the following years. They also tend to have greater awareness of their aging and mortality, which often prompts reflection. Individuals in this age group are more open to making lifestyle changes, evaluating their priorities, and seeking ways to maximize their fulfillment or quality of life. Similarly, they are more likely to focus on long-term planning for final arrangements, advance directives, estate plans, and beyond. 

Older adults comprise the last group of individuals to explore perceptions of mortality. They are aware of their increased proximity to death, especially concerning their health. Many individuals in this age group focus on making changes or contributions that will impact the lives of individuals in future generations. Others focus on their experience and exploration of a new identity during retirement or look inward as they conduct a life review. Options such as legacy-building activities, support groups, and investing in meaningful connections with loved ones are common coping strategies for this age group. Many individuals also focus on reconciliation or pursuing spiritual or religious beliefs to increase their peace before the end of life. 

Sources

“A Child’s Concept of Death”. Stanford Medicine. https://www.stanfordchildrens.org/en/topic/default?id=a-childs-concept-of-death-90-P03044

“Developmental Stages, Death, and Dying”. ALS Association. https://www.als.org/sites/default/files/2020-09/Table_Developmental-Stages.pdf

Coming to terms with the reality of death is a process, not an event. According to Erickson’s theory of psychosocial development (1963), humans move through a series of eight stages from infancy to adulthood, each one of which is spurred by a psychosocial “crisis’ ‘ or need. Based heavily on the teachings of Freud, Erikson’s theory holds that an individual must complete the tasks associated with each life stage in order to develop certain “virtues”  that allow them to function as an adult. He also believed that psychosocial growth continues throughout life, including into old age. 

According to Erikson, the central struggle of aging individuals (age 65-plus) is between ego integrity and despair. In this psychosocial model, people begin to look back on their accomplishments as they approach the end of their lives. As we do so, we come to certain conclusions about how successful we have been in achieving our life goals. If we view our lives as mostly successful, we develop a sense of ego integrity — that is, we feel good about ourselves and what we have done. This, in turn, leads to wisdom, which Erikson defines as a sense of completion and the ability to look at our approaching death without fear. 

On the other hand, people who look back at their lives and see a series of failures and regrets fall into a state of despair, or so Erikson surmised. They find it difficult to believe that their lives were worthwhile or meaningful. This can lead to hopelessness, depression, and a more pervasive fear of death.

Erikson’s theory notwithstanding, aging individuals can find a way to deal with regrets without falling into a state of despair. In her wonderful book, “On Living,” Kerry Egan writes about the ubiquitous nature of regret and the importance of coming to terms with the things we have kept hidden from others before we die. It’s hard work, she warns. But acknowledging that we have done things we wish we hadn’t done (or failed to do things we wish we had) and accepting that we are still worthwhile is one of our most important tasks as we approach the end of our lives. Egan writes:

“If you want to be saved from your present suffering, you must be willing to change and be changed in the present. That change can be tangible… But it can also be a change in perception. This, in fact, is the harder change. A change of perception to knowing you are enough, and have been since birth, to seeing a world suffused in love and swimming in beauty, despite loneliness, despite pain, despite illness, loss, trauma, and even atrocity—now that’s hard. That seems impossible. Yet it happens, again and again, and again.” 

Accepting that we are imperfect beings allows us to look at the good and bad in our lives and find meaning in both. And it gives us the freedom to face death with a sense of equanimity and peace. 

Sources

“Erik Erikson’s Stages of Psychosocial Development”. Simply Psychology. https://www.simplypsychology.org/erik-erikson.html

The concept of conscious dying is an outgrowth of the Buddhist tradition of living a fully present, authentic life. It was first introduced in the West over 30 years ago by spiritual teachers like Stephen Levine, Ram Dass, Dale Borglum and Jack Kornfield. In straightforward terms, it is about using the knowledge of death as a certainty as a means of spiritual awakening and healing, using specific practices that help guide a person toward a “graceful death.” 

According to its proponents, the ability to die consciously relies on one’s ability to live with and accept the inevitability of death. As conscious dying Guide Deb Grant told SevenPonds in an interview in 2018, “The term conscious dying refers to recognizing the fact that death is inevitable and living with that knowledge consciously. In our society, death is still a taboo subject. No one wants to talk about it. People can be at the end of their lives and never have had a conversation with anyone about what dying means to them — not their spouse, or their family members or even their physician. They have no relationship with death, and so they approach it with anxiety and fear.”

The concept of conscious dying encompasses the belief that our bodies are just temporary vessels and that letting go of them is not something to fear. This belief is based on the Buddhist philosophy of “temporary abode,” which signifies that the body is ”a fleeting shelter for the life essence.” Stephen Levine’s seminal work “Who Dies?” explores this concept in depth, urging the reader to accept the reality that, in some future universe, they are already dead, and open to the possibilities that allow. Levine writes: 

“ ( When) we take each teaching, each loss, each gain, each fear, each joy as it arises and experience it fully, life becomes workable. We are no longer a “victim of life.” And then every experience, even the loss of our dearest one, becomes another opportunity for awakening.”

Spiritual teachers who guide people in conscious dying say it begins with conscious living — that is, living fully in the present with the knowledge that each moment may be our last. Ram Dass explains this idea in “Polishing the Mirror: How to Live from Your Spiritual Heart “when he writes: 

“Death is another moment. If you’re not peaceful today, you probably won’t be peaceful tomorrow. …If we are aware that death can happen at any moment, we start to work on ourselves more constantly, paying attention to the moment-to-moment content of our minds. If you practice being here now, being fully in the moment during your life, if you are living in that space, then the moment of death is just another moment.”

These are profound concepts and may not appeal to everyone. But for those who wish to find a way to approach the end of life with a modicum of grace and equanimity, they may offer a path to that end.  

Sources

Living/Dying Project. https://livingdying.org/

“Significance of Temporary abode”. Wisdom Library. https://www.wisdomlib.org/concept/temporary-abode

“Who Dies?: An Investigation of Conscious Living and Conscious Dying”. Stephen Levine. https://www.amazon.com/Who-Dies-Investigation-Conscious-Living/dp/0385262213