Additional Grief Concepts

Distorted grief occurs when someone experiences extremely intense emotions outside of what is widely considered “the norm.” Although there is certainly no “correct” way to grieve after someone has died, a person experiencing distorted grief typically feels strong emotions aside from sadness or loss, most often anger. This can manifest in self-destructive behavior and/or lashing out at loved ones, placing impossible expectations on others, and feeling disconnected or isolated from the world. 

Someone who’s feeling distorted grief may also be in denial that their loved one died, or experience depression that’s not accompanied by typical feelings of sadness. This type of grief can be challenging because it often departs from societal expectations of how someone should grieve. Therapy and support groups can be helpful for those experiencing distorted grief, allowing them to process their emotions in a safe environment. Understanding that everyone’s journey through grief is unique can help people navigate their experiences without judgment.

Sources

“9 Types of Grief People May Experience, According to Experts”. VeryWell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/types-of-grief-people-may-experience-7504728 

“Grief, Bereavement, and Coping With Loss (PDQ®)”. PDQ Cancer Information Summaries [Internet]. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK66052/ 

“Local and National Support”. Heal Grief. https://healgrief.org/grief-support-resources/ 

Masked grief refers to grief that an individual may not admit to experiencing. It can manifest in different forms depending on the circumstances. Some individuals may have the symptoms of grief but may struggle to perceive these symptoms in relation to the loss they have experienced. Other individuals may be aware of their grief and may aim to purposely mask it so that others are not aware of their distress. Reasons why some individuals may purposely seek to mask their grief can include: 

• Experiencing a traumatic incident that is not openly shared with others
• An inability to express grief and emotions due to societal or cultural norms
• Having a close relationship with someone that was kept private 
• Aiming to be the source of strength for others who are grieving 

Masking or suppressing grief can significantly limit an individual’s ability to process the loss. Over time, this may contribute to the development of disordered grieving or make these individuals more susceptible to mental illnesses. It can also make it difficult for others to recognize the total psychological and emotional impact of the loss, which may lead to unintentional disenfranchisement or a lack of support and empathy. Ultimately, individuals with masked grief experience a slower journey to healing after a loss occurs. 

Individuals who suspect that a loved one may be experiencing masked grief are encouraged to proactively find ways to be supportive. An individual with masked grief most likely will not be willing to discuss their feelings about the loss but may be receptive to participating in activities or other creative outlets that can help facilitate coping. Pursuing professional help from a mental health professional can also be immensely beneficial, although this can depend largely on the individual’s willingness to participate in counseling or therapy sessions. 

Sources 

“Masked Grief: 10 Things to Know About Stuffing Your Grief”. USUrns Online. Retrieved from https://www.usurnsonline.com/grief-loss/masked-grief/ 

“3 Signs You’re Masking Your Grief”. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/stress-fracture/202303/3-signs-youre-masking-grief 

Absent grief refers to a form of grief that is characterized by minimal to no signs and symptoms of normal grief. Individuals experiencing absent grief may have very few visible grief responses or may not have them at all. It is believed that absent grief occurs when individuals suppress, avoid, or ignore their loss. This may occur consciously or subconsciously as a form of coping with the loss. Other potential factors that may contribute to absent grief may include:

• Experiencing anticipatory grief prior to the loss 
• Being estranged from the person who died 
• An inability to attend the funeral or participate in related rituals
• Lack of closeness with the person who died 
• Priorities and responsibilities that prevent the grief process 
• Having a condition that limits emotional processing

Although the signs and symptoms of grief or a grief response are not apparent in individuals with absent grief, it does not mean that they do not experience the psychological or emotional impact of the loss. In the absence of visible grieving, some individuals may experience physical symptoms such as fatigue or high blood pressure. Additionally, absent grief has its own signs and symptoms that bereaved individuals and their loved ones should be aware of. These indicators may include: 

• No signs or symptoms of grieving 
• Feeling numb or void about the experience 
• Feelings of shock or denial regarding the loss 
• Forgetting that the loss has occurred 
• Continuing with daily routines or activities as if nothing happened 
• Difficulty conceptualizing that the loss is real 

Individuals with absent grief may keep themselves busy with other activities or seem preoccupied with their responsibilities. Since they usually do not openly grieve or express their feelings about the loss, it can be challenging for others to understand the disconnect between external grief responses and the person’s psychological and emotional distress levels. This further emphasizes the importance of providing consistent support and empathy after a loss, even in the absence of expected typical grief responses. Creating a safe space to navigate difficult emotions can also be a valuable aid in assisting individuals with absent grief to gradually process their loss. 

Sources

“Absent Grief: Understanding a Multi-Sided Response”. Love To Know. https://www.lovetoknow.com/life/grief-loss/absent-grief-understanding-multi-sided-response 

“Absent Grief: 10 Things to Know When You Can’t Grieve”. US Urns Online. https://www.usurnsonline.com/grief-loss/absent-grief/ 

Abbreviated grief refers to a short-term period of emotional distress and mourning after a loss has occurred. Individuals with abbreviated grief experience many of the symptoms that would be expected of other types of grief including feelings of sorrow or mood swings, but they process their grief more quickly in comparison. Grief may resolve within a few weeks, although the average duration varies. Due to the shorter timeline associated with abbreviated grief, sometimes the symptoms and emotional response to loss are particularly intense. 

Abbreviated grief can result from a variety of circumstances, such as a sudden loss or following the death of a loved one who had a life-limiting disease. If the death was expected and the individual has already experienced anticipatory grief or if there are factors that prevent them from fully processing their emotions, these factors can make abbreviated grief more likely to occur. Although abbreviated grief resolves within a short period of time, it does not mean that the emotions or mourning associated with the loss are any less genuine. Everyone’s grief process is unique and is not intended to follow a set timeline. 

While abbreviated grief can be a brief experience, it is a valid response to loss. Those who have a loved one who is experiencing abbreviated grief are encouraged to provide consistent support and validation. This type of grief is often misunderstood and can easily transition into disenfranchised grief if it isn’t appropriately acknowledged. Additionally, individuals who have abbreviated grief and are struggling to express their emotions should be encouraged to connect with a support group or seek professional help. 

Sources

“Grief”. Cleveland Clinic. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/24787-grief 

“Abbreviated Grief: 10 Things to Know About Short-Lived Sorrow”. US Urns Online. https://www.usurnsonline.com/grief-loss/abbreviated-grief/ 

A grief burst is a sudden and intense surge of emotions related to grief that can overwhelm the person experiencing it. These can occur “out of the blue,” though often result in response to specific grief triggers. These triggers are as varied as the human experience, though common examples are birthdays, holidays and anniversaries, life milestones, specific scents, locations and foods, hearing certain songs, or seeing someone who reminds you of the person you’ve lost. 

Grief bursts can feel overwhelming and frightening, whether experienced by an adult or child. But rest assured that they are normal and natural parts of the grieving process, and that process looks different for everyone. These bursts are usually just temporary and allow us to feel the range of complex emotions that come with the loss of someone we care about.

How to relieve a grief burst

Learning what situations act as grief triggers can allow for planning and anticipation. And, there are various physical and mental tools that can help soothe before, during, or after a grief burst. These include: 

• Acknowledging and accepting your emotions as natural
• Creating a calm box filled with comforting items
• Expressing yourself in a journal
• Connecting with supportive people, a therapist, or a grief support group
• Learning breathing techniques that relax the body, and thus, the mind
• Taking part in activities you enjoy, such as reading, listening to music, or going on a walk — though take care not to distract yourself away from feeling any grief
• Nurturing yourself with a bath, nap, gentle yoga, meditation, or massage
• Honoring your body’s need to cry, sleep, or otherwise express your emotions

Above all, be kind to yourself and try to take care of your emotional well-being as best you can. It’s ok to not feel ok, and it’s ok to ask for help. Grieving can be a long and difficult process, and grief bursts may be overwhelming and alarming. Remember that you are not alone, there is no one “right” way to grieve, and there are resources available to help you emerge on the other side of a grief burst.

Sources

“Grief Bursts”. SeeSaw. https://seesaw.org.uk/grief-bursts/ 

“Breathing Through Grief”. Community Healthcare of Texas. https://www.chot.org/2021/06/breathing-through-grief/ 

“11 top tips on how to practise self-care whilst grieving”. Marie Curie. https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/blog/self-care-grieving 

Grief triggers are situations, feelings, or events that prompt a powerful sense of loss or reminiscence of the person who died. Grief is a natural and normal reaction to any type of loss or hardship, and while everyone’s experience of grief looks different, many bereaved people share the experience of being affected by grief triggers. The trigger can result in an intense, emotional response—described as a grief burst—which can feel overwhelming, but is usually temporary.

Grief triggers can be anything from reminders of the person who died to mourning lost opportunities with your loved one, such as vacations and celebrating milestones. People may also find themselves grieving when they see someone or something that reminds them of their loved one, or when they experience a similar emotion they had during the loss. Other examples include:

• Doing an activity you used to enjoy together
• Celebrating special occasions like holidays and anniversaries
• Seeing something that reminds you of them
• Birthdays and death dates
• Hearing certain songs
• Smells, sounds, foods
• Movies, TV shows, books
• Seeing someone who resembles your loved one
• Changing seasons
• Transitions (moving, new job)
• Visiting or seeing photos of certain places

How to navigate grief triggers

Grief triggers can cause intense emotional distress and feel difficult to manage. It is important to recognize—or learn to anticipate—when a grief trigger is activated, as this will help you find ways to soothe the feelings of sadness or anxiety that come with it. There are many ways to manage grief triggers such as talking about your loss or engaging in healthy activities outside the realm of the trigger. Additional strategies include:

• Note specific or unexpected triggers and explore your feelings in a grief journal — this can also help you learn to identify your triggers
• Talk about the experience with a trusted friend or family member
• Connect with others who have experienced similar losses
• Plan ahead (or create other plans) for special days or events likely to trigger grief
• Create a safe space to experience your emotions, like a specific room or your car
• Seek professional counseling with a therapist or find a grief support group
• Read books or movies about grief
• Take time for self-care activities, like yoga or meditation, which can provide an outlet for processing emotions in a safe space
• Acknowledge your feelings without judgment or shame — grief is normal, and looks different for everyone

 If your experience of grief is persistently overwhelming or you feel like your grief triggers are unmanageable, it may be helpful to learn about “complicated” grief or prolonged grief disorder to see if this applies. 

Grief triggers can be unpredictable, overwhelming, and extremely difficult to cope with. Some may never be “eradicated.” But, there are ways to help soothe and manage them. It is important for those who are grieving to remember that their emotions are valid, and to treat themselves with utmost kindness during this time.

Sources

“Grief Triggers”. Coalition to Support Grieving Students. https://grievingstudents.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/NYL-4D-GriefTriggers.pdf 

“6 Strategies to Overcome Triggers During Your Grief Recovery”. Grief Recovery Center. https://www.griefrecoveryhouston.com/strategies-to-overcome-triggers-during-your-grief-recovery/ 

“Strategies to Handle Unexpected Grief Triggers After the Loss of a Loved One”. Milano Monuments. https://www.milanomonuments.com/blog/strategies-to-handle-unexpected-grief-triggers-after-the-loss-of-a-loved-one 

Exaggerated grief is an intense, overwhelming response to loss that goes beyond what is typically expected. Characterized by grief emotions so extreme they can become disruptive to normal functioning, exaggerated grief may cause people to turn to self-harm or substance abuse to cope, or they may experience suicidal ideation, nightmares or abnormal fears. In certain cases, someone may go on to develop a psychological disorder. Unlike more typical grief experiences, where feelings fluctuate and can be managed over time, exaggerated grief tends to be persistent and all-consuming, and the person experiencing it will likely need more support than others.

Seeking professional support, either through therapy or grief support groups, can be helpful as these can provide tools to help someone navigate through their exaggerated grief more effectively. 

EDITOR’S NOTE: If you are experiencing a suicidal crisis or emotional distress, call, text or chat 988 to connect with the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. The lifeline provides free and confidential support.

Sources

“11 Types of Grief and How to Cope With Loss”. Health. https://www.health.com/grief-7692761 

“16 Different Types of Grief People Experience”. Talkspace. https://www.talkspace.com/blog/types-of-grief/ 

“Local and National Support”. Heal Grief. https://healgrief.org/grief-support-resources/