Home Funeral Process

Families can involve children in the home funeral process for a loved one by introducing a few different approaches. The familiar environment of the household can provide a supportive setting for children to develop an understanding of how people are honored and remembered after death, as well as why these actions have significance. Since home funerals can differ from traditional funerals, some children may have questions about these differences, and this can create opportunities for age-appropriate discussions. 

The extent to which a child is involved in a home funeral is generally based on their sensitivity, maturity, and what their parents or guardians feel is most appropriate given their age and comprehension. A primary focus is often the funeral itself, such as allowing the children to participate in the viewing. Younger children may make decorations, small mementos, or floral arrangements that can be used to help set the tone in the room for the funeral. Some parents or guardians prefer to allow older children to be involved with other aspects of the preparation process, such as brushing the hair of the person who died or selecting special clothing and items that had significance to them. 

Participation in these activities ultimately depends on the comfort level and maturity of the children involved. Children should not be forced to participate or be involved in home funeral activities if they have previously expressed that they are uncomfortable doing so. Participation against their will can quickly result in an experience that is both upsetting and frightening for the children involved. Instead of deciding how children should participate, ask them what activities they are interested in. Examples of activities that can be offered to a child include making artwork to honor the person who died, placing a drawing or another important item next to the body, or sharing some of their memories of this person.

Involving children in a home funeral can help them to conceptualize mortality, how people grieve, and how people are honored and remembered when a death occurs. It can also provide many opportunities for teachable moments and more open communication about questions that might not otherwise be asked in a traditional funeral setting. Since the overall appropriateness and level of participation in a funeral setting can vary based on age and developmental stages, parents and guardians are encouraged to use their discretion in determining whether involvement in a home funeral would be a suitable option for their children.

Sources

“The Case for Home Funerals”. Sacred Crossings. Retrieved from https://sacredcrossings.com/the-case-for-home-funerals/

It can be appropriate for children to attend home funerals since it provides an opportunity for them to process, understand and participate in mourning and remembrance of a loved one. Depending on the child’s age, funerals and related ceremonies can be a memorable and meaningful experience for them. Taking the child’s developmental stage into consideration is crucial since it generally establishes the extent of their comprehension regarding death, loss, and surrounding events. Parents, caregivers, and guardians are encouraged to consider which aspects of a home funeral may be beneficial to the child’s perception and experience of grief.

If a child is allowed to attend a home funeral, they will need guidance and support. Children perceive and conceptualize death differently from adults. It can be helpful to talk with them to gauge their level of understanding about the loss before deciding whether they should attend. It may also be helpful to describe the funeral and what it will involve so that they understand what to expect. Encourage them to ask questions, but remember to provide honest answers that communicate the reality of death. Your answers will often have to be simple and tailored to the child’s comprehension level. If the child has attended a traditional funeral before, you can identify some similarities between that experience and a home funeral, highlighting that this setting is more private and allows people to spend more time with the person who died.

Children’s experiences in funeral settings need to occur naturally and in consideration of their limits. Children should not be forced to interact with the person who died, such as viewing or touching the body, if it causes them distress or they have previously expressed that they are uncomfortable doing so. Although it is healthy for children to engage and participate in these settings, it should be done with supervision and only with their consent. When children are forced to be involved in a funeral against their will or the experience lacks proper guidance, they may become frightened and develop negative attitudes regarding funerals and death.

Sources
“NHFA Home Funeral Guide”. National Home Funeral Alliance. https://www.homefuneralalliance.org/home-funeral-guidebook.html 

“Guidelines for Children Attending Funerals and Memorial Services”. VITAS. https://www.vitas.com/family-and-caregiver-support/grief-and-bereavement/children-and-grief/guidelines-for-children-attending-funerals-and-memorial-services 

“Taking children to funerals”. Bereavement Advice Centre. https://www.bereavementadvice.org/topics/the-funeral/taking-children-to-funerals/ 

Proper etiquette for attending a home funeral includes ensuring you arrive on time, dressing appropriately, being respectful of the space, offering your condolences and following the family’s (or chosen family’s) lead. In many regards, the etiquette for attending a home funeral does not differ much from attending a wake or a memorial service. The main difference is that you are in someone else’s home, although this change of setting should not interfere with adherence to general funeral etiquette. 

As with other services, it is important to arrive on time. You should get directions to the home ahead of time and ensure that you know how long it will take to get there. Most homes will not have a lot of parking space, so you may want to consider where you will park your car and if you will need to factor in some extra time to walk to the home if you park farther away than anticipated. Home funerals often consist of a smaller group of attendees, so arriving on time is also important so that the hosting family does not need to delay the funeral to wait for the attendees to arrive. 

Attire may be casual at a home funeral since people often come as they are; however, it’s generally advised not to make any assumptions. If you are in doubt about what to wear, you can ask the family (or chosen family) about the dress code and if they have any preferences. Some may have different preferences due to their cultural or religious background.

It is incredibly important to be respectful of the space you are in when attending a home funeral. You have been invited into someone’s home during a time of mourning and personal vulnerability, so it is crucial to avoid any behavior that may seem disrespectful, disruptive or distracting from the intended service. Aim to keep noise levels low, avoid taking photographs, and turn off your phone to prevent distractions. 

It is appropriate to share your condolences with the family (or chosen family) of the person who died. This can be done either when you arrive or after the service, depending on what the family plans to honor their loved one. Depending on how well you know the family, your condolences might be shared with a statement or even a hug. In general, it’s a nice gesture to convey your support and sympathy following their loss. 

In conclusion, it is crucial to be mindful during a home funeral, as each circumstance may involve different customs and expectations. Being attentive to signals can give you insight into what activities or actions will take place next. Finally, remember to show respect by following any specific requests or instructions provided by the hosting family (or chosen family). By doing so, you can help contribute to a meaningful and respectful experience for everyone involved.

Sources
“Attending Funeral Services: Your Funeral Etiquette Questions Answered”. FuneralWise. https://www.funeralwise.com/funeral-etiquette/attending-services/ 

“Funeral home etiquette and FAQs”. Better Place Forests. https://www.betterplaceforests.com/blog/funeral-home-etiquette-and-faqs/

It is possible to have a home funeral if your loved one dies in a hospital. However, depending on the regulations in your jurisdiction and the hospital’s internal policies, you may encounter some obstacles. Some states require a funeral director to take responsibility for transporting your loved one to a funeral home after death. Some states do not have this requirement, but a similar obstacle can arise if the hospital or facility has an internal policy indicating that the hospital will only release the deceased individual to a funeral home. 

If the state requires you to hire a funeral director to facilitate the release of your loved one’s body from the hospital, you will likely need to search for a funeral home that is willing to transport the body to your home. Usually, funeral homes will hold the body of your loved one at their facility until you are ready to conduct your home funeral. 

If there is no state law requiring a funeral director’s involvement, and the hospital is denying the request based on internal policies, there are some options available to you. These include: 

• Contacting the hospital’s decedent affairs office or administration and challenging their policy
• Explaining the issues that these policies create
• Suggesting that you will file a complaint with the attorney general
• Involving other professionals such as a social worker or legal counsel

If the hospital is willing to release the body to you, some paperwork may be necessary. At a minimum, this can include a release form. However, if the body will be released after an autopsy, a burial-transit permit and death certificate may be necessary based on state laws. If you have a burial transit permit, keep a copy with you in case you need to reference it for any reason or show it to the local authorities in the unlikely event of a traffic stop while transporting your loved one’s body to your home or the burial ground. 

Sources

“NHFA Home Funeral Guide”. National Home Funeral Alliance. https://www.homefuneralalliance.org/home-funeral-guidebook.html 

“Home Funeral Paperwork”. Full Circle of Living and Dying. https://www.fullcirclelivingdyingcollective.com/home-funeral-paperwork.html 

People choose to hold a home funeral for a number of reasons. Some of the most common are:

• to have a more meaningful experience in honoring a loved one
• to choose environmentally sound practices
• to create a more personal space for grief
• to respect the wishes of the person who died
• to reduce the costs that are associated with traditional funeral services

Many people find comfort in being able to honor their loved one in a familiar setting without the intermingling of professional services and strangers. By choosing a home funeral, families are able to maintain a greater sense of autonomy and control in the planning, mourning and funeral process. It may also make it easier for them to adhere to specific cultural or religious customs. 

Grief is a deeply personal and intense experience, often paired with emotions that people are not comfortable with sharing in public spaces or among unfamiliar people. Some families prefer to have a home funeral since it provides a more private and intimate space for their grief. A family and their close friends might gather together to mourn and remember their loved one in a small group, preferring to share in this experience privately instead of having a larger funeral service with people from the community. Everyone grieves differently. Choosing a home funeral can also make it more comfortable for family and loved ones to grieve in the way that they’re familiar with on a cultural and personal level. 

Some people choose a home funeral due to their relation to more environmentally sound practices. Home funerals can be combined with green burials, cremation and other alternatives that have a smaller carbon footprint than traditional funerals. Due to the larger focus on taking a natural approach to the funeral and memorialization process, families may also choose not to embalm their loved one. If the person who died was an outspoken advocate for preserving the environment, they may have indicated their preference was to have a home funeral paired with a natural burial or similar practices. Families typically want to make choices that align with the values and legacy of their loved one. So, a home funeral and related arrangements might be chosen for this reason. 

Finally, home funerals are typically more affordable in comparison to traditional funeral services. While traditional funerals can cost at least $8,000 without including important components such as the burial, casket and vault, a home funeral can be conducted for a few hundred dollars. The difference in pricing can mean that families with few financial resources can still honor and remember their loved one without sacrificing quality or comfort. 

Sources
“What are top reasons people choose home funeral care?” National Home Funeral Alliance. https://www.homefuneralalliance.org/faqs.html 

“Why choose a home funeral?” Final Passages. https://finalpassages.org/why-choose-a-home-funeral

There are several steps involved in conducting a home funeral for a loved one. The process can vary based on the personal, cultural, or religious preferences of the person who died and their loved ones, but some steps are consistently involved in the home funeral experience. These steps typically include: 

• Preparation of the body (Natural Death Care)
• Creating the space for visitation and remembrance
• Inviting loved ones to attend
• Participating in ceremonies and rituals

Natural Death Care/Bodycare

Aside from the task of acquiring permits or completing paperwork for the release of a loved one’s body (if the person died outside the home) the first step in conducting a home funeral usually begins with preparing the body of the person who died. This is called natural death care or bodycare, and can involve tasks such as: 

• Washing the body 
• Shampooing and brushing hair 
• Applying lotion 
• Applying  makeup (if desired)
• Clipping fingernails and toenails 

After bodycare is complete, most people will dress their loved one in appropriate clothing and arrange the body. The body may lay on a bed, table, container or casket, depending on what the family has selected. Depending on how long the body will be present for visitation, vigils and other ceremonies, steps to keep the body cool and delay the process of decomposition will be necessary. These may include opening the windows, turning on the air conditioning or using dry ice. In most instances, these steps allow the body of the person who died to lie in state for a period of a few days without significant decomposition. 

It should also be noted that some loved ones choose to allow a funeral home to perform these steps rather than do them at home. This is perfectly acceptable and does not affect the ability to hold a funeral/vigil or ceremony in the home. But it does require coordinating the transport of the body from the funeral home to the home where the funeral will occur. 

Creating A Space for Visitation

When the body has been washed and dressed, the next step is to create an appropriate space for the visitation. This same space can be used for vigils, rituals and ceremonies as well. Preparing the space may include decluttering the area, decorating the room and adjusting the lighting. Some people might include photos of their loved one, flowers or handmade decorations to set the tone for the space. Others may prefer to surround their loved one with items that were meaningful to them. Scented candles or music can also be incorporated and may be introduced when the attendees arrive. 

Inviting Guests 

Once the space for the visitation and other activities has been set, it’s time to invite guests. Sometimes the funeral is reserved only for close family and friends, but it can include people from the community as well. Since time is of the essence, a phone call, text message or email is generally the best way to invite those you would like to attend. 

Visitation, Ceremonies and Rituals

When the vigil begins, the guests can spend time viewing the person who died, sharing their condolences or participating in remembrance activities such as decorating the shroud or casket, sharing memories of the person who died, sitting in silence with the body, or praying and meditating. Each guest will likely have their own unique way of remembering and honoring the person who died. 

Finally, ceremonies and rituals are very common at home funerals. Some families have an initial vigil for visitation and then hold a separate memorial ceremony. Others incorporate significant cultural or religious rituals such as reciting prayers or reading passages from a holy book. Vigils and ceremonies may last for a few days or as long as decomposition is adequately delayed. 

Sources

“How to arrange a home funeral”. Funeral Consumers Alliance. https://funerals.org/get-help/making-decisions/how-to-arrange-a-home-funeral/ 

“Four tasks between death and burial”. Carolina Memorial Sanctuary. https://carolinamemorialsanctuary.org/resources/four-tasks-death-burial/