What Is Absent Grief?

Absent grief refers to a form of grief that is characterized by minimal to no signs and symptoms of normal grief. Individuals experiencing absent grief may have very few visible grief responses or may not have them at all. It is believed that absent grief occurs when individuals suppress, avoid, or ignore their loss. This may occur consciously or subconsciously as a form of coping with the loss. Other potential factors that may contribute to absent grief may include:

• Experiencing anticipatory grief prior to the loss 
• Being estranged from the person who died 
• An inability to attend the funeral or participate in related rituals
• Lack of closeness with the person who died 
• Priorities and responsibilities that prevent the grief process 
• Having a condition that limits emotional processing

Although the signs and symptoms of grief or a grief response are not apparent in individuals with absent grief, it does not mean that they do not experience the psychological or emotional impact of the loss. In the absence of visible grieving, some individuals may experience physical symptoms such as fatigue or high blood pressure. Additionally, absent grief has its own signs and symptoms that bereaved individuals and their loved ones should be aware of. These indicators may include: 

• No signs or symptoms of grieving 
• Feeling numb or void about the experience 
• Feelings of shock or denial regarding the loss 
• Forgetting that the loss has occurred 
• Continuing with daily routines or activities as if nothing happened 
• Difficulty conceptualizing that the loss is real 

Individuals with absent grief may keep themselves busy with other activities or seem preoccupied with their responsibilities. Since they usually do not openly grieve or express their feelings about the loss, it can be challenging for others to understand the disconnect between external grief responses and the person’s psychological and emotional distress levels. This further emphasizes the importance of providing consistent support and empathy after a loss, even in the absence of expected typical grief responses. Creating a safe space to navigate difficult emotions can also be a valuable aid in assisting individuals with absent grief to gradually process their loss. 

Sources

“Absent Grief: Understanding a Multi-Sided Response”. Love To Know. https://www.lovetoknow.com/life/grief-loss/absent-grief-understanding-multi-sided-response 

“Absent Grief: 10 Things to Know When You Can’t Grieve”. US Urns Online. https://www.usurnsonline.com/grief-loss/absent-grief/