21 Humorous Quotes About Funerals and CemeteriesLighthearted humor for heavy hearts
Funerals are trying times at best; grief can make you feel all kinds of emotions at the same time, or you could just be completely numb. So attending a ceremony to honor the death of a loved one can be cathartic, gut-wrenching, and exhausting. It’s times like that when laughter can be the key to…
Funerals are trying times at best; grief can make you feel all kinds of emotions at the same time, or you could just be completely numb. So attending a ceremony to honor the death of a loved one can be cathartic, gut-wrenching, and exhausting. It’s times like that when laughter can be the key to surviving a very difficult day. Here are a few of our favorite quotes about funerals and cemeteries that might manage to pierce through the heavy weight of grief to provide a ray of sunshine:
1. “When I die, I want to decompose in a barrel of porter and have it served in all the pubs in Dublin.”
— J.P. Donleavy
2. “I was a little taken aback when I got my receipt from the funeral parlor. On the bottom of the receipt, after the bill, it read, ‘Thank you. Please come again.’”
— Unknown
3. “The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.”
— Mark Twain
4. “If any of you cry at my funeral, I’ll never speak to you again!”
— Stan Laurel
5. “I hate funerals and would not attend my own if it could be avoided.”
— Robert T. Morris
6. “We don’t understand death. And the proof of this is that we give dead people a pillow. I mean hey…I think if you can’t stretch out and get some solid rest at that point…I don’t see how bedding accessories really make the difference.”
— Jerry Seinfeld
7. Why are there gates around cemeteries? Because everyone’s dying to get in!
— Anonymous
8. “Why is it that we rejoice at birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.”
— Mark Twain
9. “My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.”
— Ed Furgol
10. “According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.”
— Jerry Seinfeld
11. “Old people at weddings always poke me and say ‘you’re next.’ So I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.”
— Anonymous
12. “If you had no idea what to get her for Valentine’s Day…Imagine how overwhelming arranging her funeral would be.”
— Anonymous
13. “A grave is a place where the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student.”
— Ambrose Bierce
14. “Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.”
— Yogi Berra
15. “A friend of mine stopped smoking, drinking, overeating, and chasing women — all at the same time. It was a lovely funeral.”
— Unknown
16. “I did not attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
— Mark Twain / Ebenezer Rockwood Hoar
17. “When I die, will someone please go to my funeral dressed like the Grim Reaper? You don’t say anything, just stand there…”
— Unknown
18. “My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I’d scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus – that way, I’d visit him every day.”
— Joan Rivers
19. “They say such nice things about people at their funerals. It makes me sad to realize that I’m going to miss mine by just a few days.”
— Garrison Keillor
21. “My uncle Sammy was an angry man. He had printed on his tombstone: ‘What are you looking at?’”
— Margaret Smith
May We Suggest:
20 Humorous Quotes About Funerals and Cemeteries
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These are great! I look forward to the quotes. Thanks SevenPonds!
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Thank you! We’re so glad you’re enjoying them. Sometimes just a few meaningful words can offer a new perspective, a moment of comfort, or something worth carrying with us throughout the day.
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