The DeParty: Celebrating Life With Loved Ones Before an End of Life TransitionA mother’s pre-death “DeParty” for her son Quinten, giving loved ones the chance to share their hearts while he could still hear them
Sometimes, life’s greatest joys are found in the most unexpected moments. For Penny Melton and her family, one of those moments came through learning about a “DeParty,” a gathering that allows someone with a terminal illness to celebrate life with loved ones while they are still here to experience it. Quinten was 34 when he…
Sometimes, life’s greatest joys are found in the most unexpected moments. For Penny Melton and her family, one of those moments came through learning about a “DeParty,” a gathering that allows someone with a terminal illness to celebrate life with loved ones while they are still here to experience it.
Quinten was 34 when he was diagnosed with terminal testicular cancer. Despite his prognosis, chemotherapy gave him an additional two years of life. During that time, he and his family had the opportunity to make meaningful memories together, including a celebration that would leave a lasting impression on everyone who attended.
A DeParty, a term coined by SevenPonds, offers an alternative to traditional memorial services by allowing people to share stories, express their love and celebrate a person’s life while that person can participate. Sometimes called a living wake or living memorial, these gatherings can take many forms depending on the individual’s wishes and physical needs.
A Celebration Planned With Love
The idea for Quinten’s DeParty came from Quinten himself. “A party would be great mama,” he told his mother. “That would be wonderful”. He wanted to gather the people closest to him, and his family came together to make it happen.
They discussed who to invite, where to hold the gathering and how to create an experience that felt right for him. Quinten’s sister sent invitations and contacted everyone on his list. Quinten requested that his mother prepare her meatloaf, and his father would contribute pinto beans, cornbread and green beans. Cookies rounded out the meal as a delightful sweet treat.
The gathering began with a prayer before lunch, but much of what made the day special came from the people who helped bring it together. Melton recalls how their community rallied around them, saying “It was nice that everyone came and offered support. They really filled in what we forgot.”
Putting on the event truly was a communal effort. “His sister Whitney arrived an hour early to decorate the space,” Melton fondly remembers, “and his best friend Joe’s parents brought 8 by 10 photos of Quinten to put up.” To add to the celebration, a memory book was passed around so guests could write down their favorite memories for Quinten to read later.
A Day Filled With Joy
The DeParty took place about 10 months before Quinten died. For him, the experience was overwhelmingly joyful.
“The day felt like Christmas morning for Quinten,” Melton recalls. “He was so full of happiness and delight”. Being surrounded by friends and family gave him the chance to experience their love firsthand, and hear the memories and expressions of affection that would have otherwise been shared after his death.
The event was equally meaningful for those who love Quinten. For Melton and her family, seeing Quinten’s reactions in real time was one of the most poignant parts of the gathering. They could witness his happiness and understand what the celebration meant to him as it unfolded. “There was no sadness, only joyous celebration,” Melton said. Quinten’s DeParty was an opportunity to share something that traditional memorial services cannot offer in quite the same way: The experience of communally celebrating someone’s life with that person present.
Giving Loved Ones the Gift of Celebration
For families considering a DeParty, Melton’s advice is straightforward: “Just do it. [These celebrations] really lift the spirits of someone facing a terminal illness.” In addition to giving their loved ones an invaluable opportunity to create memories together, Melton says that the joy they all experienced throughout that day is unmatched.
A DeParty does not need to be elaborate or expensive. As Quinten’s gathering demonstrated, favorite foods, photographs, handwritten memories and the presence of friends and family can make the day meaningful. The event can also be adapted to accommodate a person’s health, energy and wishes.
For those unsure where to begin, SevenPonds offers a celebration of life planning guide to help families explore their options.
Melton’s experience is a reminder that there is no single right way to celebrate a life. For Quinten and his family, the most important thing was having the chance to share in the happiness together. The memories they created that day remain a testament to the power of gathering while there is still time.
Disclosure: Penny Melton is a contributor to SevenPonds and learned about the DeParty concept through the publication.
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Quinten’s DeParty will always be one of the most treasured memories of his final year. Watching his face light up as he was surrounded by the people he loved was a gift I will carry forever. Too often, we wait until someone is gone to gather and share how much they mean to us. That day, Quinten got to hear those words, feel that love, and celebrate his life with us. I hope our story encourages other families to create those moments while their loved ones are still here to enjoy them.
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