There’s No Shame in Grief

“The Wire’s” profound message about allowing ourselves to feel our pain without getting mired in it

If you’ve ever lost someone, you’ve likely come across the phrase, “there is no right way to grieve.”

Grief is idiosyncratic; no two people will experience grief in the same way. Some people might process their grief outwardly, while others might try to bury it deep down, for fear of being overwhelmed. Others might seem to move forward more quickly, and at the other end of the spectrum there are those who hold onto grief so tightly, it takes over.

In this quote from the show, “The Wire,” Bubbles (played by Andre Royo) is sharing his hard-earned wisdom during an NA/AA-style support meeting, reflecting on the accidental overdose of Sherrod, his young protégé. In his speech, Bubbles is giving himself permission to feel his deep remorse and sorrow while reminding everyone that pain and survival are symbiotic. You don’t need to force sadness away or pretend it doesn’t exist, but you do need to make room for moments of joy, growth, and living.

So while there isn’t a correct way to grieve, we can keep in mind that grief isn’t the cessation of life itself (even when it feels like it is). We are allowed to laugh, to love, to pursue our own interests without betraying our feelings of sadness, remorse, or longing. There isn’t any shame in feeling and acknowledging our grief, nor is there shame in setting it aside, even if only for a few moments.

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