What Are Some Issues Aging People Face When Confronting Their Mortality?

Coming to terms with the reality of death is a process, not an event. According to Erickson’s theory of psychosocial development (1963), humans move through a series of eight stages from infancy to adulthood, each one of which is spurred by a psychosocial “crisis’ ‘ or need. Based heavily on the teachings of Freud, Erikson’s theory holds that an individual must complete the tasks associated with each life stage in order to develop certain “virtues”  that allow them to function as an adult. He also believed that psychosocial growth continues throughout life, including into old age. 

According to Erikson, the central struggle of aging individuals (age 65-plus) is between ego integrity and despair. In this psychosocial model, people begin to look back on their accomplishments as they approach the end of their lives. As we do so, we come to certain conclusions about how successful we have been in achieving our life goals. If we view our lives as mostly successful, we develop a sense of ego integrity — that is, we feel good about ourselves and what we have done. This, in turn, leads to wisdom, which Erikson defines as a sense of completion and the ability to look at our approaching death without fear. 

On the other hand, people who look back at their lives and see a series of failures and regrets fall into a state of despair, or so Erikson surmised. They find it difficult to believe that their lives were worthwhile or meaningful. This can lead to hopelessness, depression, and a more pervasive fear of death.

Erikson’s theory notwithstanding, aging individuals can find a way to deal with regrets without falling into a state of despair. In her wonderful book, “On Living,” Kerry Egan writes about the ubiquitous nature of regret and the importance of coming to terms with the things we have kept hidden from others before we die. It’s hard work, she warns. But acknowledging that we have done things we wish we hadn’t done (or failed to do things we wish we had) and accepting that we are still worthwhile is one of our most important tasks as we approach the end of our lives. Egan writes:

“If you want to be saved from your present suffering, you must be willing to change and be changed in the present. That change can be tangible… But it can also be a change in perception. This, in fact, is the harder change. A change of perception to knowing you are enough, and have been since birth, to seeing a world suffused in love and swimming in beauty, despite loneliness, despite pain, despite illness, loss, trauma, and even atrocity—now that’s hard. That seems impossible. Yet it happens, again and again, and again.” 

Accepting that we are imperfect beings allows us to look at the good and bad in our lives and find meaning in both. And it gives us the freedom to face death with a sense of equanimity and peace. 

Sources

“Erik Erikson’s Stages of Psychosocial Development”. Simply Psychology. https://www.simplypsychology.org/erik-erikson.html