Funeral Ceremony & Etiquette

A wake (or a visitation) is a time when family, friends and loved ones gather to support each other and to say their last goodbyes to the person who died. In the past, wakes took place at the home of the person who died, but today most wakes are held at the funeral home or house of worship where the funeral will be held. In earlier times, wakes would often stretch over several days, as people would have to travel long distances by rail or car to come and pay their respects. Today, thanks to the availability of air travel, most wakes take place shortly before the funeral or cremation takes place.

Another difference between wakes and funerals is that wakes are usually quite informal. They may go on all day or for several hours in the morning and evening. The immediate family of the person who died is usually present throughout, but visitors usually come for a short time to offer their condolences and then leave. Funerals, on the other hand, tend to be more structured affairs. There is typically an officiant who leads the ceremony, a eulogy, and perhaps a brief time for sharing by friends and family, after which the body is transported to the cemetery or crematorium.

In some religions, notably Judaism and Islam, burial of the body takes place very quickly — preferably within 24 hours of death. For those of the Jewish faith, burial is followed by a period of mourning known as “shiva,” which lasts for seven days. Much like a wake that happens before burial, this period is set aside for friends and loved ones to visit the family, offer their condolences and pay their respects. Visitors typically bring food for the immediate family, who are often too grief-stricken to prepare meals for themselves. A similar period is observed in the Muslim faith, but usually lasts only three days. 

Sources 

“Differences Between Wakes, Funerals, and Visitations”. Very Well. https://www.verywell.com/wake-vs-visitation-whats-the-difference-1132123 

The pallbearer is the individual who is responsible for carrying and escorting the casket during the burial and funeral. If someone is unable to carry the casket, they may be allowed to walk beside those who are carrying the casket and will be deemed as an honorary pallbearer instead. It is considered a significant honor to be chosen as a pallbearer. Pallbearers are usually selected by the person who died prior to their death or by their family after the death has occurred. 

Traditionally, funerals required a team of six to eight pallbearers who would carry the casket and bring it to the cemetery so that it could be buried. Since pallbearers were expected to bear the weight of the casket on their shoulders, it was a role that was typically only given to strong men who could ensure the casket traveled to the appropriate location. In modern funerals, pallbearers are only responsible for moving the casket from the hearse to the gravesite, and they hold the casket at their sides rather than bearing the weight on their shoulders. Pallbearers may also walk next to a casket that is placed on a special cart or bier, eliminating the need for the casket to be carried at all. These changes make it easier to transport the casket and also ensure that the role of pallbearer can be extended to both men and women, even if they cannot always physically lift the casket.

Generally speaking, anyone can be a pallbearer at a funeral as long as they can help carry the weight of the casket. Honorary pallbearers can be included as well, but it is important to remember that there will still need to be other pallbearers carrying the casket beside them. The team of pallbearers is usually composed of people who were close to the person who died. They may be relatives, close friends, or colleagues, and may also be some of the individuals who are speaking at the funeral.

While the ability to carry the casket is an important factor in selecting a pallbearer, the emotional capacity to take on this role must also be considered. Being a pallbearer is an emotionally intense and meaningful experience, especially since pallbearers are often viewed as representatives of the bereaved family. Overall, the pallbearer takes on a unique role in honoring the person who died by ensuring that they have a dignified procession to their final resting place.

Sources

“The essential guide to serving as a pallbearer”. Partlow Funeral Chapel. https://partlowchapel.com/the-essential-guide-to-serving-as-a-pallbeare/ 

“How to choose pallbearers for your funeral”. EverPlans.

https://www.everplans.com/articles/how-to-choose-pallbearers-for-your-funeral

Obviously, the choice of who to invite to a funeral or memorial service belongs to the immediate family (or the person being honored, if they left a list). You will also need to consider logistics: If you are holding a funeral with the body present, it needs to be arranged quickly, and it’s likely that some people you would like to attend may not be able to come. On the other hand, a memorial service can usually be more inclusive because there is more time to prepare for the event, and more time for friends and relatives to make arrangements to come. 

The number of people you invite will also depend on the venue you choose, your budget, and what you believe your loved one would want. Were they a very private person with only a few close friends? Or were they outgoing and gregarious, with a wide social network of people they often saw? Take your cue from the person you are honoring, and invite the people you think they would like to join in a celebration of their life. 

As a general rule, family members should always receive an invitation to a funeral or memorial service, even if their circumstances make it difficult or impossible for them to come. Close friends and coworkers are usually invited as well. But if you are having a very small gathering, you can opt to send out an announcement notifying them of the death and explaining that the service is limited to immediate family for now. The announcement can also contain the address where the service will be held so that others can send flowers if they choose. Alternatively, you can add the name of a charity they can contribute to in your loved one’s name. If this seems like too much to handle in the wake of your loved one’s death,  you can also add these details to a public obituary in your local newspaper or an online service such as Legacy.com.

Sources

Legacy. https://www.legacy.com/ 

To some extent, how you invite people to a funeral or memorial service depends on the type of service you plan to have. If you are having a funeral with the body present, it will usually need to take place within a week of the person’s death. (If the body is embalmed or refrigerated, this may be extended to two to four weeks.) Thus, it’s important to invite the people you would like to attend in the most efficient way possible, which is typically via email or by phone. If you have access to the cell phone of the person who died, you can use their contact list to find this information if it’s not readily available anywhere else. 

If, on the other hand, you’re planning a memorial service, you have much more flexibility in when you have the event and how you invite attendees. If you want to use email, you can send invitations via paperless post or Evite. But if there’s time, sending invitations via the US Postal Service gives you the opportunity to design a personalized invitation in any number of ways. For example, you can: 

• Buy pre-made invitations at your local stationery store
• Order custom invitations from an online retailer like PaperSource or Shutterfly
• Create DIY invitations that you design yourself or from a template from an online source such as Etsy
• Hire someone to design and create invitations for you.

You may also wish to add more personal touches, such as: 

• A photo of the person who died
• A favorite poem or lyrics from a song
• A floral or religious motif

Additionally, you can add more detail about the service you’re planning, such as: 

• Dress code (casual, bright colors, no black etc)

• Whether guests should make donations in lieu of flowers
• What guests should bring, for example, a favorite photo, a bouquet of wildflowers
• Whether food and/or beverages will be served and who will provide them
• Other special requests

Sources 

Paperless Post. https://www.paperlesspost.com/cards/category/memorial-service 

Evite. https://www.evite.com/gallery/category/funeral_memorial_service/ 

Paper Source. https://www.papersource.com/stationery/announcements/memorial 

Shutterfly. https://www.shutterfly.com/ideas/celebration-of-life-invitation-wording/ 

Etsy. https://www.etsy.com/listing/829559813/electronic-funeral-announcement-funeral?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=memorial+invitations&ref=sr_gallery-1-3&organic_search_click=1&pro=1 

Inviting children to a funeral can help introduce them to the general concept of mortality, but the appropriateness of their presence can vary greatly based on the child’s maturity level, relationship to your loved one, and the circumstances surrounding the death and respective service. Being present at these ceremonies allows children to participate in the collective mourning experience and learn how to cope with grief in a suitable environment. Every child is unique, so their comprehension and sensitivity toward death should be taken into consideration before making a decision.

It is important to consider the child’s age when determining whether to invite them to a funeral. Older children may find that participating in a collective or communal expression of grief and remembering a loved one alongside other people who cared for them helps them process their emotions and accept the finality of death. The ability to experience traditions, rituals, and customs associated with a funeral service can help foster a sense of acceptance regarding the death of a loved one. However, younger children may struggle to fully comprehend the concept of death and its finality. Children aged five years or younger may have difficulty understanding death and may easily become distressed or overwhelmed by the emotions and displays of a funeral; however, the experience can also be a very positive one, so it’s important not to assume they will have a difficult time. Ask your funeral director if there is a room where children can go if they need some time away from the visitation or consider assigning a known and trusted “point person” who will not mind leaving the funeral with your child, if it becomes necessary. Let your child help select this caregiver in advance of the funeral, if appropriate.

If children are included at a memorial or funeral service, extra time and attention should be set aside to prepare them for the experience prior to the event, and they should never be forced to touch or look at anything that may make them uncomfortable. This time can be dedicated to explaining what a funeral or memorial service is, what it represents in the context of the death of their loved one, and what they can expect to see or experience while they’re at the service. It should also be a time to talk to them about their feelings so that they understand that it’s normal to feel sad, confused, curious, or even afraid. Encouraging children to share their feelings and talking with them to help explore why they feel that way can help cultivate healthy perceptions of death and reduce the early development of fear or stigma. 

It’s important to note that simply attending the funeral will help your child begin processing his or her grief. But whenever possible, consider including youth of all ages in the planning of the funeral/memorial service to help them feel connected and involved.

Let your child’s comfort level guide you when sharing ideas about how he or she can express his or her feelings, and honor your loved one in a meaningful way. Be certain that your child understands that participation is his or her decision, and that, at any point, he or she can change his or her mind about the level of involvement.

Consider asking your funeral director, clergy or celebrant for suggestions on youth involvement, or incorporate some of the following activities:

Prior to the funeral

• Draw a picture or write a letter to place in the casket or beside the urn.
• Select special photographs or items, and help arrange a picture board, video tribute or memorial table; share special stories and memories during the activity.
• Older children may want to help with arrangements, such as selecting a casket or an urn, or the readings and music for the service.

During the funeral events

Visitation

• Greet the guests, hand out memorial cards or direct people to the registration book.
• Participate in the final closing of the casket.

Ceremony

• Start the ceremony by placing a flower on the casket or in front of a memorial portrait.
• Share a poem, reading or reflection; sing a song or play an instrument.
• Serve as a pallbearer or casket escort.
• Participate in religious customs.

Post-ceremony

• Distribute flowers to family and friends gathered at the cemetery.
• Place a memento at the graveside, such as a plant or stuffed animal.
• Share special memories over your loved one’s favorite meal.

It is also acceptable to decide not to include children in the funeral service. All children will react differently to death and attending a funeral can be overwhelming and highly upsetting for some. In these instances, it may be more beneficial to have conversations about death with the child so that they’re aware of what has happened, but allow them to stay home and continue those conversations later to encourage gradual processing of their loss. Ultimately, the decision to invite a child to a funeral will vary among families and the circumstances specific to the death. But families can navigate the situation effectively by keeping children engaged regarding their emotions and preparing them for what to expect if they attend. 

Sources 

“Funerals – Should Children Attend Them?” National Memorial Planning. https://www.nationalmemorialplanning.com/articles/view/funerals-should-children-attend-them-5dfba2b2-8d04-4957-875f-6e860a1ed4de 

“Guidelines for Children Attending Funerals and Memorial Services”. VITAS. 

https://www.vitas.com/family-and-caregiver-support/grief-and-bereavement/children-and-grief/guidelines-for-children-attending-funerals-and-memorial-services

“Should Children Attend a Funeral or Memorial Service?” Ever Plans. https://www.everplans.com/articles/should-children-attend-a-funeral-or-memorial-service 

Youth and Funerals. Remembering A Life

https://www.rememberingalife.com/pages/youth-and-funerals

While taking photos at a funeral is not necessarily inappropriate, it may not be acceptable to the family and loved ones of the person who died.  Before taking any photos, it is crucial to get permission from those who are conducting the service. If they don’t want anyone to take photos, then it is best to respect their wishes. If there is any possibility that the photos may be posted online or shared via social media, it is important to mention it when requesting permission, since this may also influence the decision of the surviving loved ones.

Some families hire a professional photographer to capture images of specific aspects or memories from a funeral. Although this can indicate that they are comfortable with photography, do not assume that personal photos are automatically permitted. After permission is granted, it is crucial to approach the photography with a certain level of discretion. Photography should be conducted in a manner that doesn’t disrupt the service and the use of flash should typically be avoided. Additionally, the following should not be photographed:

• The person who died
• The casket
• The grave 
• Individuals who are not aware they are being photographed

After photos have been taken, sharing them with others should be handled with discretion as well. Since people are potentially being photographed during a very emotional and sensitive moment, it is not necessarily appropriate to share those images in a readily accessible space. Once an image is posted on social media or the Internet, it can be difficult to manage the extent to which it may spread or be reposted. Ideally, you should only share an image privately and with the permission of the surviving family members. An even better idea would be to simply share a photo from a cherished experience with the person who died, rather than sharing images from their funeral.

Sources

“Should you take photos at funerals?” Palmer Mortuary. https://www.palmermortuary.com/should-you-take-photos-at-funerals

“5 reasons you should ask someone to take photos at a funeral”. Huff Post. 

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/5-reasons-you-should-ask-someone-to-take-photos-at-a-funeral_b_9362012

Although some aspects of making arrangements can vary when planning a funeral for a neonate or fetus, there are some commonalities to be aware of. If you were at the hospital when the death occurred, the staff may ask you which funeral home you prefer. Depending on the circumstances, they may also provide you with an alternative option depending on the laws and regulations in your state. 

Sometimes, the options offered by the hospital can vary based on the age and weight of the newborn or fetus. For example, laws in Texas indicate that if the fetus weighs over 350 grams (about 12 ounces) or exceeds the gestational age of 20 weeks, burial or cremation by a funeral home is required. If the weight is under 350 grams and the gestational age is less than 20 weeks, the family can allow the hospital to handle the disposition instead. There usually isn’t an additional cost associated with allowing the hospital to take responsibility for the disposition. 

When selecting a funeral home, finding a provider specializing in infant and fetal funerals can be helpful. Although funeral directors can manage any funeral, partnering with someone with expertise in infant and fetal funerals can make it easier to navigate the process. Many funeral directors dedicate additional time to tailoring their available options to be more specific and meaningful for clients who have experienced this type of loss. 

If keeping the neonate’s ashes is important to you, fetal water cremation may be a potential option since it is more likely to produce cremated remains or ashes than traditional flame cremation. After cremation, it may take a few weeks to receive the ashes, but this can vary depending on the wait times for your local funeral home or crematory. 

Sources

“Arrangements after a miscarriage or stillbirth.” Texas Children’s Hospital. https://www.texaschildrens.org/patients-families/patient-and-family-resources/death-child/arrangements-after-miscarriage-or 

“Funeral options for an unborn child”. Cremation Green. https://www.cremation.green/funeral-options-for-an-unborn-child/ 

A departy, living funeral, living wake, pre-funeral, living memorial, exit party is a contemporary approach compared to a traditional funeral, and there is no formal etiquette book. The venue where such an event takes place varies widely, ranging from as casual as a gathering in a park to a more formal affair at a church — if there are special considerations for dress code or other expectations, that information should be included in the invitation. 

Because the honoree of a living funeral will be present, it can be helpful to reflect on fond memories you have together or ways they have impacted your life, as there will often be an opportunity for departy attendees to share and reminisce over stories together. You can also bring photos or other mementos, as well as any favorite passages or even songs that are important to your relationship. Overall, the goal is to celebrate the person’s life in a joyful manner, showing your appreciation for them while they’re here to receive it. 

Sources 

“Living Funeral”. Eternally Loved. https://eternallyloved.com/blog/living-funeral/ 

A “departy,” also known as a living funeral, pre-funeral, living memorial, exit party or living wake, is a memorial celebration held for someone before they die. A common refrain at traditional funerals and related gatherings is the wish that the person who died could have seen all those loved ones together and heard their tributes — a departy is just that. 

A departy gives friends and family members the opportunity to share stories, express their feelings, honor the life of, and say goodbye to a person who is generally expected to die within the span of weeks or months, whether due to terminal illness or old age. They are becoming an increasingly popular choice for families who want to honor the memory of their loved one without the solemnity and sadness associated with traditional funerals.

The service does not require any specific religious beliefs or rituals to be effective, though it certainly can include them..

The basics of “departies” or living funeral services

There are no set rules for how or where a departy or living funeral should occur. It’s common to share stories about the honoree, bring photographs or mementos, listen to their favorite music, indulge in favorite dishes, or even visit their burial site. As no two individuals are alike, the range of a departy can vary wildly — the aim is to create an experience that celebrates the life of a loved one in a meaningful and memorable way.

Sources 

“What is a living wake and how to plan one?” Bare. https://bare.com.au/blog/what-is-a-living-wake-how-to-plan-living-funeral 

The decision to donate organs does not eliminate the possibility of having a funeral service. Additionally, it does not prevent donors from having an open casket at their funeral. Organ donors are treated with care during the donation process and the process itself does not cause any disfigurement of the body of the person who died. 

When organs and tissues are donated, the surgeons who are responsible for the procedure will close any incisions and ensure that the body remains intact and presentable for any upcoming services. For example, donated skin may be taken from the back or the legs, where it will be covered by clothing or concealed due to placement in the casket. If bones or eyes are donated, the surgical team will also fill these areas with either plastic bone or eye caps to maintain the proper structure of the body for viewing. 

The organ donation process doesn’t delay the timeline for a funeral service. In most cases, funeral services occur around a week after death, whereas organ and tissue donation is typically only possible within the first 24 hours following death. The donation process can take several hours. Afterward, the body of the donor will be sent to the funeral home. Transfer of the body is typically arranged by the transplant team in conjunction with the funeral home. But the family should communicate clearly about any special arrangements or requests so that the transplant team and funeral director can honor them. 

Ultimately, funeral arrangements will not need to be adjusted based on a loved one’s decision to be an organ donor. This means families and loved ones can focus on honoring and remembering the person who died rather than coordinating arrangements. 

Sources 

“Can you have an open casket after organ donation?” Donor Alliance. 

https://www.donoralliance.org/newsroom/donation-essentials/can-you-have-an-open-casket-after-organ-donation

“’Upstate Answers’ question on funerals after organ donation”. Upstate. 

https://www.upstate.edu/whatsup/2014/0310-upstate-answers-question-on-funerals-after-organ-donation.php

“Body Donation FAQs.” Schilling Funeral Home. 

https://schillingfuneralhome.com/blogs/blog-entries/9/Blogs/143/Body-Donation-FAQs.html

Choosing an open or closed casket is a deeply personal decision that should reflect the preferences of the person who died and demonstrate mindfulness in supporting the bereaved individuals who will attend the service. The decision to have an open or closed casket can affect the grieving process of attendees since it can influence how they will remember their loved one. An open casket funeral can provide a sense of closure for some people since it allows them to view their loved one for the last time. Viewing the body of the person who died can help some people accept the finality of death and recognize that the death is real if they are struggling with disbelief or shock over the loss. 

Although open caskets can be helpful to some in processing their grief, there are instances where they may not be an ideal option. Some people struggle with open casket viewings and feel that they are emotionally overwhelming or upsetting because their loved one may not look the same anymore or may not have a peaceful expression on their face. Sometimes, the condition of the body may prevent an open casket from even being offered. This typically occurs in circumstances involving chronic medical conditions or other causes of death that have significantly damaged or disfigured the body. It is better to choose a closed casket in these scenarios since viewing the person who died can be highly emotionally distressing. It’s important to speak with your funeral director about all of your options. If having an open casket is important to you, there are funeral directors and embalmers who specialize in restoration and they may be able to make a private viewing or visitation possible.

If restoration is not possible, but immediate family or close friends would like to view their loved one, funeral directors can sometimes provide an opportunity to have a viewing with the person completely shrouded. While it is not recommended to directly view the body under these circumstances, it makes it possible for family members and friends to potentially hold the hand of their loved one if they are comfortable. This not only helps to maintain a sense of connection but also aids in helping them to accept the loss of their loved one.

Closed casket funerals can be an appropriate choice even if the body of a loved one looks fully presentable before the service. The decision to use a closed casket can reflect a sense of privacy and respect for the person who died. It can help attendees to focus on celebrating the life of their loved one instead of focusing directly on their death. For attendees who are very sensitive to death, a closed casket can be a protective action to reduce the amount of overwhelm experienced when paying final respects near the casket. However, a closed casket may prompt some attendees to feel as if their grief is unresolved or that they didn’t have a chance to say goodbye, especially if they did not have the opportunity to meet with their loved one before the death. A private viewing is also an option, with only immediate family and close friends present, before the service.

Finally, the preferences and wishes of the person who died are incredibly important. Some individuals have cultural or religious beliefs that can inform whether an open or closed casket can be used. While there isn’t a right or wrong decision in regard to choosing an open or closed casket, it’s always important to be mindful and considerate of how these choices may affect family, friends, and loved ones. 

Sources 

“Open Casket vs a Closed Casket Funeral.” Trusted Caskets. 

https://trustedcaskets.com/blogs/news/open-casket-vs-a-closed-casket-funeral-the-fundamental-information-to-help-you-decide

“Why Choose An Open Casket Funeral?” The Gardens. 

https://www.thegardens.com/should-there-be-an-open-casket

“What are closed casket funerals?” Titan Casket. 

https://titancasket.com/blogs/funeral-guides-and-more/what-are-closed-casket-funerals

Funeral attire is typically conservative and tends to be fairly formal. While it is not required to wear black, dark and neutral colors, such as gray, are commonly acceptable. What is appropriate to wear to a funeral can vary based on the cultural and religious background of the person who died, so it is important to be respectful of those expectations when selecting your attire. 

If you are attending a destination funeral, being mindful of the location can provide additional insight regarding appropriate attire. A funeral that is being conducted at the beach or a private residence may need less formal attire in comparison to other locations, such as a place of faith. If you are in doubt, contacting someone else attending the funeral or the person responsible for hosting the service may provide additional insight. 

A general best practice is to wear clothing that is respectful of the person who died and aligns with the tone of the service. You should avoid wearing any clothing that is too flashy or makes you stand out among the rest of the attendees. Similarly, it is important to avoid being too casual. Graphic t-shirts, clothing with logos, and jeans are all garments that should be avoided. There may be instances, however, when the deceased has requested specific attire, such as bright colors, their favorite color, or fan apparel for their favorite sports team. Feel free to participate according to their wishes if you feel comfortable doing so.

Other considerations to keep in mind include: 

• Skirts and dresses should be an appropriate length 
• Clothing should not be too revealing 
• Sneakers, running shoes, sandals, and flip-flops should be avoided 
• Hats or headwear is generally not advised unless it is a cultural or religious requirement
• Complex patterns should generally be avoided
• Bright hues should be avoided unless otherwise indicated 
• Hairstyles should be simple 
• Follow the dress code for the venue where the service is being conducted whenever possible 

Dressing appropriately and maintaining modesty in your funeral attire demonstrates that you understand the solemn tone of the service. Although some people buy new clothing to ensure they have appropriate options to wear to the funeral, it isn’t a requirement. In most instances, you can compile an appropriate outfit by combining a few garments that you already own. Finally, don’t be afraid to ask for additional guidance from a friend or family member. While it can be difficult to ask for help, it communicates to them that you care about being as respectful as possible when attending the service. Ultimately, the family of the deceased will be grateful you’ve chosen to attend and pay your respects, so don’t let the stress of what to wear prevent you from attending.

Sources 

“What should I wear to a funeral?”

https://www.thespruce.com/what-should-i-wear-to-a-funeral-1216549

“How to dress for a funeral”. FuneralWise. https://www.funeralwise.com/funeral-etiquette/how-to-dress-for-a-funeral/

When planning a funeral for someone who identifies as LGBTQ+, it is important to honor their legacy and celebrate their life with authenticity. This often involves including their chosen family, cherished relationships, and sharing their personal journey. If they had a preferred name, this should be used throughout the service, as should any preferred pronouns, and included in any associated materials. Using a birth name or any other former name when referring to a transgender or non-binary person is known as deadnaming and is considered to be immensely disrespectful since it communicates a lack of respect for the person’s identity, transition, and preferences. It is often seen as a form of discrimination and harassment. 

If the person who died has already handled their funeral planning prior to their death, they may have already determined most of the arrangements and logistics of the funeral. Sometimes, there may be unresolved issues between the person who died and their family, which is why it is crucial to be mindful of their biological family and their chosen family. Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for individuals in the LGBTQ+ community to be alienated from their biological families. Since this is frequently a source of trauma, it is important to be considerate of who is invited to the funeral service. Similarly, it can be helpful to identify an officiant who can lead the service with sensitivity, compassion, and respect for the person who died. 

As a general best practice, the funeral should be structured in a manner that aligns with the personal preferences of the person who died. For example, some individuals may be more expressive and open regarding their identity, while others may be more subtle. Many individuals are not able to come out about their identity due to their personal circumstances, and this should be taken into consideration when planning their funeral. It is essential to be mindful of these factors to ensure that the person who died is represented appropriately. 

Carefully selecting attendees, choosing an officiant, using appropriate language, and personalizing the funeral space will help ensure that the funeral is a memorable tribute to the person who died. Dedicating time to remember them with others who made them feel seen, heard, and respected is crucial to honoring their legacy. Ultimately, the goal should be to honor their life in a way that would make them feel accepted and loved. 

Sources 

“Funeral planning in the LGBTQ+ community.” Funeral Wise. https://www.funeralwise.com/funeral-planning-in-the-lgbtq-community/ 

“How to plan an LGBTQ+ celebration of life.” Dignity Memorial. https://www.dignitymemorial.com/memorial-services/planning-a-celebration-of-life/lgbtq-planning-guide 

A funeral procession refers to a method of transporting the person who died from the funeral to the cemetery or crematorium. The procession consists of a motorcade of vehicles, including the hearse, or individuals who are walking together in a unified group to the final resting place. It is a component in many traditional funerals and is often viewed as a solemn tribute to the person who died. It is not uncommon for individuals in a community to gather as a funeral procession occurs since it provides them with an opportunity to briefly pay their respects as the hearse passes by even if they do not directly attend the funeral. 

When participating in a funeral procession, there are a few considerations to keep in mind. Close friends, family, and loved ones of the person who died should arrive around 45 minutes early to the funeral home if they are driving their own vehicles in the procession. This is necessary to ensure that these vehicles are closer to the front of the procession. Other participants who were not in the immediate social circle of the person who died usually join the procession in the order that they arrive unless otherwise requested. The general order of the vehicles in the procession is indicated below: 

• The lead vehicle (sedan or van) 
• The hearse or funeral coach
• Family vehicles (sometimes limousines, but not required)
• Participant vehicles

Before the start of the procession, a funeral attendant will place a bright magnetic flag on the front left corner of the car to indicate that it is part of the procession. This flag will read “funeral” so that other motorists are aware of the procession. In a procession with multiple cars, flags may be placed on every other vehicle or every third vehicle to indicate to other motorists that a funeral procession is occurring. Additionally, participating drivers must keep their headlights on throughout the process to the cemetery or crematorium.

During the procession itself, participants who are driving need to stay as close as possible to the vehicle in front of them to ensure that other vehicles are not able to cut in front of the procession and potentially disrupt it. Everyone should be informed that they will need to drive slowly and must remain in the procession line until it has been completed. All other motorists are required to yield until the procession has passed them on the road.

Overall, the general tone of a funeral procession is one of respect and solemnity. Participants are expected to navigate the procession in a manner that is consistent with honoring the person who died, which means loud music or pushing past other vehicles is inappropriate. By observing the necessary etiquette for a funeral procession and working closely with the funeral attendant, participants can ensure that they successfully transport their loved one to their final resting place.

Sources 

“Driving in a Funeral Procession and What to Do if You Encounter One.” Eirene. https://eirene.ca/blog/driving-in-a-funeral-procession-and-what-to-do-if-you-encounter-one 

“Driving in a Funeral Procession.” FuneralWise. https://www.funeralwise.com/funeral-arrangements/funeral-processions/ 

“A guide to funeral procession etiquette and procedures”. https://www.betterplaceforests.com/blog/funeral-procession-etiquette-and-procedures/ 

A wake is a traditional social gathering before your loved one’s funeral. It is a common tradition among Catholics and sometimes includes a ceremony with a priest. During a wake, friends and family gather together to maintain watch over the body of the person who died, sometimes for a few days. Although the practice of wakes is associated with the Roman Catholic religion, there are many cultures that observe the tradition of holding a wake.

Planning a wake often starts with identifying a location to hold it. Wakes are most commonly held in the household of the family of the person who died, but you may also choose to hold them at other venues such as a funeral home, a place of faith, an event center, or even a hotel. Holding the wake at your private residence is typically the most affordable option, whereas outside venues can be more costly depending on how long you are renting the space. 

When you have secured a location for the wake, the next step is to prepare the space. This ranges from establishing seating arrangements to decorating the space for the gathering. Spaces that are used for wakes generally include photos and mementos of the person who died, a guest book, and a table for beverages and light snacks. If you are conducting the wake in your home, then the food and drinks may be prepared ahead of time, but they may be catered if you prefer to have the wake in a public venue. The space where your loved one will reside may also vary. Some families prefer to decorate and personalize this space in more detail, while others aim for a more minimalist approach. 

After making these preparations, the only remaining logistics to consider involve notifying friends and family members regarding when the wake will be held, and working with the funeral home to transport the body as needed. Although a wake is not required in many cultures, the decision to hold one creates an opportunity for attendees to share in communal grieving and remembrance during a difficult time. Since everyone’s approach to holding a wake will differ, what ultimately matters the most is that this gathering provides comfort to those who are grieving and enables them to express their feelings over the loss of your loved one. 

Sources

“Differences between a wake, funeral, and visitation.” Very Well Health. https://www.verywellhealth.com/wake-vs-visitation-whats-the-difference-1132123#toc-what-is-a-wake 

“The funeral wake: arranging & attending.” Untangle. https://untanglegrief.com/funeral-wake