Planning a Funeral

Planning a funeral is a big undertaking, whether you do so in advance of a death or after a loved one has died. In an ideal world, every adult would engage in some level of preplanning for their death, whether that is arranging and paying in advance for their funeral or simply making sure their loved ones know what they want done with their bodies and how they wish to be remembered after they die. But as we all know, we don’t live in an ideal world. And so the job of funeral planning often falls on the next of kin after a death occurs. 

If you find yourself in the position of needing to arrange a funeral, the first thing to keep in mind is that there are no hard and fast rules around what you need to do. Unless you are constrained by religious doctrine or strict cultural norms, you can design a service that is in accordance with your values and those of the person who died. If the deceased left written instructions in an advance healthcare directive or living will, that is an obvious place to start. But even if the person died suddenly or you have no clear idea of what they would want, you can plan a meaningful funeral by reflecting on who they were and how they lived their life. Were they a person who valued tradition and long-standing cultural norms? Or were they someone who always looked for new ways of doing things and thought outside the box? Did they love nature, music or the arts? Or was sitting by the fire, reading for hours on end, their favorite activity in life? By exploring these questions, you can start to formulate an idea of how they would like to be remembered after they’re gone. 

Keep in mind, too, that if you or someone you love is seriously ill, the time to think about funeral planning is now. Putting it off will not postpone the inevitable, nor is it “morbid” to plan for your own or a loved one’s death. Quite the opposite is true, in fact. Planning in advance gives the person who is ill a chance to have a voice in how they are honored, and to discuss practical considerations, such as who they wish to attend the service and how much money they would like to spend. With the cost of a funeral at an all-time high, pre-planning also gives you and your loved ones a chance to shop around for services and discuss what is important to the family as a whole. Not only will this help you save money, it can also greatly decrease the chance of family conflicts about what elements of a funeral to include and what to forgo. (One example: Embalming is almost always optional, and can cost as much as $500-750 depending on the funeral home you select and where you live.) Further, and perhaps most importantly, talking about how you want to be remembered after you die is a wonderful opportunity to have discussions with your loved ones about their thoughts and beliefs about life, death, love and remembrance. Many times, these conversations are some of the most intimate and meaningful you will ever have and will live on as part of your legacy after you’re gone. 

Choosing the Method of Final Disposition 

Although a number of novel methods of final disposition have been developed in recent years, burial and cremation remain the top choices for most people in North America and Europe. Choosing between the two is largely a matter of personal choice and, for some, religious and cultural beliefs. Both options are widely available across most of the United States, Canada and many countries around the world. 

If your loved one expressed no preference as to final disposition, the next of kin is typically responsible for making the choice, often in consultation with other family members and loved ones. An exception to this may occur if the person who died designated a funeral representative in their will. In most states, this person has the absolute right to determine the method of final disposition, even if the next of kin objects. 

As a general rule, your choices around burial and cremation include the following options:

• Cremation
• In-ground burial in a community cemetery
• Burial in a mausoleum

Here is a brief overview of your choices related to each one:

Cremation

Whether you choose direct cremation or cremation with a funeral service, you will need to work with a service provider to facilitate your choice. There are a number of different types of providers to choose from, including the following:

• Funeral Homes – Some funeral homes have a crematorium on their premises. Others collaborate with separate, third-party facilities to cater to your needs. They offer the convenience of arranging body transportation, visitation rooms, funerals (with the body present), memorial services (without the body), and a selection of caskets and urns.
• Cremation Retailers – These establishments primarily provide direct cremation services and urns. They might also offer basic service packages, although these are usually limited.
• Crematoriums – Whether situated at a cemetery, funeral home, or a standalone facility, crematoriums may offer direct services with the public. However, keep in mind that many require that you make arrangements through a funeral home.
• Funeral Home and Crematorium – These are comprehensive facilities that integrate a funeral home and a crematorium.
• Funeral Home, Crematorium, and Cemetery – These all-encompassing service providers offer the convenience of a funeral home, crematorium, and cemetery all under one roof.

Beyond the type of provider, you have a choice between direct cremation (a no-frills option without embalming, viewing, or funeral service) and a cremation with a service conducted by a funeral home. It’s important to note you can still have a service and a viewing prior to cremation if you choose to do so. Direct cremation is usually the most budget-friendly option and can alleviate the burden of immediate planning for the grieving family.

Lastly, deciding where to purchase a casket or cremation container and an urn is essential. Remember, a funeral home or crematorium isn’t your only option. Explore your options and choose what fits you best.

If you opt to keep cremated remains in an urn in your home, it’s important to have a succession plan for what will happen to the urn and remains after you die. Giving the urn to another family member or friend or burying the urn in a cemetery are both options.

Burial

Traditional burial continues to be a popular form of final disposition in the United States and Canada, despite the growing preference for cremation. The motivation behind this choice varies widely, often rooted in the desire to be interred alongside family members or adhere to religious or cultural practices. For those who make this decision, there are typically two alternatives:

• Ground Interment – In most community cemeteries, in-ground interment requires the acquisition of a burial plot along with a concrete vault or liner. The former encloses the casket completely, while the latter only covers the top and sides of the casket, allowing the bottom to make direct contact with the earth. If opting for a natural burial, a biodegradable casket or shroud is used, and no vault is needed.
• Mausoleum Entombment – A mausoleum is an above-ground edifice, divided into individual crypts designed to house a single individual’s remains. Some cemeteries offer companion crypts, accommodating the remains of two people end-to-end (typically chosen by spouses). Additionally, many mausoleums have columbaria, which are niches designed to hold cremated remains. 

Those considering entombment can choose from different types of mausoleums, including: 

• Family Mausoleums — These private mausoleums come with numerous crypts, constructed to house the remains of the entire family, and often, extended family members.
• Public Mausoleums — Also known as community mausoleums, these spaces can house up to several thousand crypts. They often provide a cost-sharing advantage over private mausoleums, which can be quite expensive. Typically, crypts are marked with plaques displaying the deceased’s name, faith, and dates of birth and death. Some mausoleums also offer designated areas for families to place flowers or spend time with their departed loved ones.
• Sarcophagus Mausoleums— These mausoleums, partially underground and partially above ground, have their roots in ancient Egypt, Rome, and Greece, where affluent leaders were buried in concrete coffins known as sarcophagi. Typically, the body is interred in an underground vault with the concrete sarcophagus situated above.  
• Garden Mausoleums — These are not strictly mausoleums as they are unenclosed and located outdoors. However, their open setting usually makes them more affordable than enclosed, climate-controlled mausoleums. Most garden mausoleums have a limited number of crypts and are better suited for the display of urns and keepsakes.

Other Considerations

In addition to the practical considerations involved in choosing a method of final disposition, a number of other factors may impact your choice. These include personal, cultural and religious beliefs, family traditions, environmental concerns, and cost. 

Personal, Cultural and Religious Beliefs

Burial and cremation often elicit strong emotions. Some find the notion of being buried underground unsettling, conjuring feelings of claustrophobia or disgust. Others find the idea of being cremated equally distressing, drawing associations with fire and brimstone or witches being “burned at the stake”. While these fears may not be rational or logical, they can heavily influence the choice between burial and cremation either for oneself or a loved one. 

Religion and culture also play a powerful role in the choice between burial and cremation. Some religions, notably the Jewish, Islamic and Eastern Orthodox faiths, prohibit cremation and have strict guidelines around body preparation and the timing and location of burial. Conversely, most people who ascribe to the Hindu faith believe cremation of the body is necessary in order for the person who died to transition to the spiritual realm. Some cultures also lean heavily in one direction or another: In Japan, for example, close to 100% of the population chooses cremation as a means of final disposition, while in neighboring South Korea, the opposite is true. Thus, even in the absence of strict religious doctrine, cultural influences often play an important role. 

Family Traditions

Although today’s more mobile society relies less on family traditions than in generations past, many Americans still have close ties with their families of origin. And while they may not ascribe to any particular religious or cultural rituals around death, they closely follow family traditions around caring for the dead. This may involve interment in a family burial plot, holding a funeral service at a church in their hometown, or using the services of a specific funeral home. Many families will transport the body of a loved one who died thousands of miles so that they can have a funeral and burial or cremation in the town where the family has its roots. 

Environmental Concerns

As concern over the environment and the effect of climate change increases across the globe, the environmental implications of common after-death practices has become a growing issue for many environmentally conscious individuals. There are significant environmental implications associated with both traditional burial and cremation. For example, traditional burial, particularly in cemeteries, involves the use of embalming chemicals such as formaldehyde, which can seep into the soil over time, posing risks to local ecosystems. (However, embalming is not required for a traditional casket burial. Further, the production of coffins often requires the felling of trees, contributing to deforestation. Cemeteries also take up a great deal of space, which, in many locations, could be better used for housing, recreation, or economic development. 

On the other hand, cremation uses fossil fuels and releases greenhouse gases into the atmosphere, particularly carbon dioxide, which contributes to global warming. Cremation also results in the release of mercury from dental fillings, which has the potential to contaminate air and water resources. 

In light of these issues, many environmentally conscious individuals are increasingly considering natural burial, which involves the body being returned to the earth in a biodegradable coffin or shroud without the use of harmful chemicals, as an eco-friendly alternative.  

Cost

Perhaps the most significant driver of the shift from burial to cremation in recent years is the difference in cost. As the price of a traditional funeral with burial in a cemetery has continued to soar, many families have turned to cremation as a more affordable option. Unfortunately, the cost of a cremation is still not insignificant and will vary significantly depending on the services selected. However, if you choose direct cremation and hold a personalized DIY memorial service at a later time, the costs can decrease dramatically. 

Natural burial can be an even more cost-effective solution to consider – in many cases it may be comparable or even cheaper than a traditional cremation service. It is also important to note that natural burial sites generally have lower ongoing costs for maintenance and upkeep compared with a traditional community cemetery. 

Costs for a traditional casket burial, cremation, and natural burial can vary widely based on geography as well. 

Funeral or Memorial Service?

The first decision most people need to make when planning an end-of-life service is whether to hold a funeral or memorial service or some combination of the two. For clarity, the essential difference between them is simply the presence or absence of the loved one’s body. That is, a funeral is a service held with the body present, whereas a memorial service (sometimes called a celebration of life) is held after the body is cremated or interred. In some rare instances (for example, if a person dies accidentally and no body is recovered) a memorial service may be held even though final disposition has not occurred. 

Except in cases where a person’s culture or religion mandates specific after-death rituals, deciding whether to hold a funeral or memorial service is largely a personal choice. In some cultures and for some individuals, a “formal” viewing and visitation is an important end-of-life ritual. For others, viewing the body isn’t an essential component of mourning a death. Some families feel strongly that religion or spirituality should feature prominently in mourning rituals, while others will prefer a more secular approach. Additionally, some families have a long tradition of burying their dead at a local cemetery or a family burial plot while others favor cremation and an ash-scattering service held sometime after the death. 

With that said, here are a few things to keep in mind as you consider the type of funeral or you would like to have.

• Funerals are traditionally held at a funeral home or place of worship. A viewing or visitation during which friends and family come to view the body and pay their last respects is often held shortly before the funeral at the same location. 
• A number of options for final disposition are available today that did not exist even a few years ago. In addition to traditional in-ground burial, cremation, or interment in a mausoleum, you may be able to choose green or natural burial, alkaline hydrolysis (also known as “resomation”) or natural organic reduction. (Note: These may or may not be available where you live).
• Because the body is present at a funeral, it typically occurs shortly after someone dies — usually within three to seven days. A memorial service may be held shortly after the death or many weeks or even months afterwards. 
• A memorial service can be held at virtually any location, including a private home, a restaurant, a beach, or local park. 
• Both funerals and memorial services can be religious or secular. Religious funerals are usually fairly formal affairs with the format dictated by religious doctrine. A secular service can be much more individualized according to the preferences of the family and the wishes of the person who died. 
• It is perfectly acceptable to combine elements of a traditional funeral with an informal memorial service. For example, if your loved one is being buried, you may choose to have a graveside service with prayers and a eulogy followed by a more casual gathering at a restaurant or someone’s home during which attendees can share memories of the loved one’s life. 
• You can have a funeral in a private home. Most often this is held in the home of the person who died and may include preparing the body for burial or cremation. (See our topic: home funerals and natural death care to learn more.)

Whether planning a funeral or a memorial service, it is always important to honor the wishes of the deceased. It’s also important, however, to honor the needs and wishes of their loved ones who are beginning their grief journey. For example, your loved one may have said they didn’t want a visitation, but it may be important for family and friends to gather and mourn after the death. Holding an informal gathering after final disposition may be a nice compromise in this situation. When possible, including family members and close friends in discussions about everyone’s needs and wishes will help a family create a service that is meaningful and supports everyone involved.

Budgeting for a Funeral 

Although loved ones often feel the urge to spend lavishly for a funeral, in truth, it simply isn’t necessary to overspend. Under optimal circumstances, the person who died left funds in a payable-upon-death account to cover their final expenses as well as instructions for the kind of service they want. Or they may have prepaid for their funeral through a local funeral home (Unfortunately, this doesn’t always preclude additional costs. See our topic: preplanning for funeral expenses to learn more.) But in many cases, the cost of a funeral is shouldered by the next of kin. 

If this is the case for your family, here are a few essential things you should know: 

• Life insurance companies typically take 14-60 days to pay out on a claim. Even if you file a claim as soon as possible after the death (you will need a copy of the death certificate to do so) you may need another source of funds to pay for final expenses (e.g. the services of a funeral home, burial or cremation). With that being said, many funeral homes will forgo payment if the next of kin provides a copy of a life insurance policy with a benefit adequate to cover the cost.
• Your right to be treated fairly and honestly by funeral service providers (funeral directors as well as crematory operators and cemeteries if they provide both good and services) is protected by the FTC’s Funeral Rule. This federal rule states, among other things, that you must
  • Receive a written price list if you visit a funeral home to inquire about funeral arrangements. This General Price List must be handed to you before any discussion of funeral arrangements occurs. It must also be provided to you if you call on the phone. 
  • Pay for only those items you want. Other than a non-declinable basic services fee which covers the funeral home’s overhead and administrative costs, you can decline any goods or services the funeral home offers you.You cannot be forced to buy a “package deal”.
  • See a list of casket prices before you are asked to choose a casket. Funeral homes often have lower-priced caskets that they do not display. You may also buy a casket from a retailer who isn’t affiliated with the funeral home. 
  • Be allowed to decline embalming. No state in the U.S. mandates that bodies be routinely embalmed. Some, but not all, states require embalming or refrigeration if the body is not buried or cremated within a certain amount of time, but refrigeration is usually an acceptable alternative.  Additionally, some funeral homes require embalming if a viewing and visitation are planned, but they may forgo this requirement if the family strongly objects. Alternatively, you can choose another funeral home. 

• You do not need to buy a casket if your loved one will be cremated. Federal law mandates that a funeral home or crematory must offer you the option of using an alternative container for the cremation, which may be made of any combustible material, such as unfinished wood, pressed wood, fiberboard, cardboard or any other combustible material. You may purchase this from a funeral home or crematorium, buy one online, or even make one yourself.

• The decision about how much to pay for a funeral is largely up to you. Many families spend far more than their loved one would have wanted because they are grief-stricken and want to express their sorrow and their love. Take your time and compare prices. They can vary a great deal even among service providers in the same city or town. (In many cases, you can find prices online and review them from the comfort and privacy of your home.)
• Have an open discussion with your funeral director or other service provider about your budget. Spending more does not mean the service will be more meaningful and a funeral director can help plan a beautiful tribute regardless of the amount you have to spend.
• Direct cremation or an immediate burial can save hundreds if not thousands of dollars on the cost of final disposition, and allow time for planning a memorial service at a later time. By postponing the memorial service for even a few weeks, you will have time to research venues and think about how you and your loved ones can organize a memorial that you can afford. 

Enlisting Help With a Funeral 

As we said at the beginning of this article, planning a funeral is a big undertaking, especially if you are doing so while grieving a death. If you are fortunate enough to have a supportive group of friends or family to help with the arrangements, do not be afraid to enlist their help.They can be an invaluable resource, not only in helping with the tasks involved in planning, but also by providing emotional support during a very challenging time. 

The many functions they can help with include:

• Calling relatives, friends, and employers to notify them of the death
• Researching prices for desired good and services, either online or by calling providers on the phone
• Contacting venues (e.g. a local church or synagogue; restaurants; etc.) to discuss dates, times and the number of attendees.
• Sending details about the service to those you wish to invite (This may need to be done through a phone call, email or text if the service will be held within a few days of the death.)
• Choosing and ordering floral arrangements
• Contacting a musician or singer if you would like live music at the event
• Locating a photographer or videographer 
• Deciding on a menu if you plan to serve food. They can also contact a caterer or organize a potluck with your attendees. Note that your funeral director may have established relationships with caterers to simplify this process.
• Arrange transportation and/or lodging for friends and family coming from out of town
• Arrange child care for attendees with young children
• Contact an officiant 
• Organize any specific decorations or activities you would like to include in the service. For example, do you want to have memorabilia or photographs displayed that highlight important moments from your loved one’s life? Would you like attendees to participate in the service in some way? Ask someone in your circle to facilitate. 

If, on the other hand, you do not have a network of friends or family who can help you plan a service, or if you have some time before the service will be held, you may wish to hire an event planner to help. These professionals can arrange all of the details involved in a funeral, from finding a suitable venue to organizing your guest list to interfacing with a caterer and much more. Keep in mind, however, that event planners are often booked well in advance, especially in summer months when the number of weddings peaks. If you plan to hire one, call to set up an appointment to meet as soon as you can. And even if you aren’t planning a “traditional” funeral, note that funeral directors are also event planners and can assist with planning a meaningful event at the location of your choice; they are also available on short notice.

Another option you may wish to consider if you or your loved one is still living but terminally ill is to enlist the help of a death doula. This is especially true if you plan to have a home funeral, although either can be helpful even if you are also using the services of a funeral home. Both death doulas and home funeral guides work with families to facilitate a meaningful, personalized end-of-life experience, including organizing a funeral. 

Planning a funeral can be both challenging and fulfilling. There are many decisions to be made, but taking the time to learn about and select the best options can allow you to remember your loved one in a way that is both personalized and meaningful to you. 

Sources

“Appointing a Funeral Representative”. Prout Funeral Home. https://proutfuneralhome.com/appointing-a-funeral-representative/

“The FTC Funeral Rule”. FTC: Consumer Advice. https://consumer.ftc.gov/articles/ftc-funeral-rule

Yes, anyone can have a home funeral. They are legal in every state in the U.S. While home funerals usually follow an expected death that occurs in the person’s home, it’s possible to hold a home funeral if a person dies in a hospital or nursing home. A home funeral can even be arranged if the person died in an accident or by uncertain or violent means. There will be hurdles to overcome, such as waiting until the coroner or medical examiner releases the body. But if a home funeral is truly your wish, it can always be arranged.

In the event a person dies at home, the family usually cares for the body after death. They wash and dress the person who has died, and apply cooling measures to slow the process of decomposition. Although the process is fairly straightforward, it will involve a certain amount of planning. For instance, you will need to have a few people available who can help turn and move the body, and — depending on the weather — you may need to order dry ice or cooling packs to have on hand after the death.

If the person died in a hospital or nursing home, the next of kin will need to work with the staff to have the person’s body released into their care. Keep in mind that the next of kin or a designated agent always has the authority to take custody of the body, regardless of what staff may say. With that being said, a healthcare facility may require a signed death certificate before it releases the body, which can take some time. To ensure a seamless process, it’s a good idea to make arrangements with a supervisor or administrator in advance. 

Lastly,if you want to hold a home funeral for a loved one or you are planning a home funeral for yourself, be sure to familiarize yourself with your state and local laws. While no states prohibit home funerals, there may be laws in effect that restrict certain activities to licensed professionals or dictate how soon after death the person’s body must be buried or cremated. To learn more, see our section on Home Funerals and Natural Death Care. You may also want to visit the Home Funeral Alliance website for more advice. 

Sources

Home Funeral Alliance. https://www.homefuneralalliance.org/ 

First, understand that your confusion about the many new terms that have arisen around end-of-life care is not unusual. According to the Home Funeral Alliance, there are over a dozen different terms currently in use to describe professionals who care for people and families at the end of life and after death. The terminology is still evolving today. 

With that being said, the terms that are most commonly used by most people in the deathcare industry today are:

• End of Life Doula: A person who accompanies a dying person and/or their family through a “personal, intentional and conscious dying process to  achieve a conscious death.” Similar terms include: Death Doula, Death Midwife and Conscious Dying Guide.
• Home Funeral Guide: A person who educates families about caring for their dead, including consulting with them and guiding them through after-death care and final disposition.  Similar terms include Home Funeral Educator, Death Midwife and Family Funeral Guide 
• Celebrant: A person who works with a dying person and/or their family to design a customized ceremony for a funeral, memorial service or celebration of life. Similar terms include officiant, clergy and ceremonialist. 
• Funeral director: Usually (but not always)  the owner of a funeral home, a funeral director handles the logistics of final disposition, including filing the death certificate, arranging transportation of the body and preparing the body for viewing (if the family so desires). A funeral director may also arrange a viewing or visitation, graveside service, or cremation depending on the family’s needs. Additionally, licensed funeral directors and embalmers perform embalming, which other death care professionals cannot do. Increasingly, funeral directors are also becoming celebrants and end-of-life doulas, providing families with even more options and continuity of care when they use the services of a funeral professional.

Interestingly, some funeral directors have challenged the legitimacy of the aforementioned professionals, whose role it is to help guide people through a peaceful end of life. In California, for example, the California Cemetery and Funeral Bureau issued a ruling in 2019 stating that two death doulas in Northern California, Akhila Murphy and Donna Peizer, were advertising and acting as a funeral establishment without a license. The ruling required the two women, who run the small nonprofit Full Circle Living and Dying Collective, to become licensed funeral directors and build a funeral home or face fines and prosecution. In response, the two doulas filed a lawsuit against CCFB in federal court alleging that the threatened action violated their constitutional rights to free speech and substantive due process. Full Circle was granted a temporary injunction in December 2020 and the case was decided in their favor in January 2023. This was a landmark decision that granted additional legitimacy to the profession and will allow the plaintiffs and others who follow them to continue to assist families during this very stressful time in their lives. 

Sources

Home Funeral Alliance. https://www.homefuneralalliance.org/ 

California Cemetery and Funeral Bureau. https://www.cfb.ca.gov/ 

Full Circle Living and Dying Collective. http://www.fullcirclelivingdyingcollective.com/ 

It’s not necessary to hire a professional to write the obituary for a loved one, though if you or others close to the person who died don’t feel comfortable writing, you certainly can. There are a few elements traditionally included in obituaries, and once you gather some information, the process is relatively straightforward. And of course, it’s also possible for you to write your own obituary if you like.

Typically, an obituary includes the following information:

• Full name of the person who died
• Age at the time of death
• Date and place of birth
• Date and place of death
• Cause of death (optional)
• Names of immediate family members, such as spouse, children, parents and siblings, noting if they preceded your loved one in death or are surviving
• If applicable: Time and location of a memorial service, and requests for charitable donations or other memorial gestures

To make the piece more personalized and distinctive, you can include a brief biography or life story of your loved one that highlights significant achievements, hobbies or interests, or even some favorite memories.

If you prefer to have someone else handle writing the obituary, if you’re having a funeral the funeral director is often able to help or you can search online for a writer who specializes in the practice. Some obituary websites even offer an AI tool that will help you write a draft of an obituary that can then be further edited and personalized.

Sources

“How to write an obituary”. Grammarly. https://www.grammarly.com/blog/obituary/ 

“Who should write the obituary?” Better Place Forests. https://www.betterplaceforests.com/blog/end-of-life-planning/who-should-write-the-obituary/ 

Creating an online obituary tends to be a less expensive option than printing one in a newspaper, with fees ranging from no cost to over $100. Many funeral homes have a website where those utilizing their funeral services can publish a free obituary online. Independent websites such as EverLoved.com or Memoria.co offer free packages for an obituary or memorial page. An online obituary can typically be as long as you like, and include as many photos as you like, for the same set cost. Legacy.com provides the option to publish an obituary in the printed newspaper of your choice, according to individual publication rates, as well as create an online memorial page. 

The cost of printing an obituary in a newspaper varies widely, ranging from about $80 to over $1,000, depending on the size and circulation of the paper. Larger newspapers or those with broader audiences are often more expensive, while local or smaller community newspapers are usually less. Printed obituaries are also usually charged by the word or by the column inch, so the longer the obituary, the higher the cost. This is also true if you include photos or special formatting. Running the obituary for multiple days or in a Sunday edition is also typically higher cost. Any newspaper that runs a printed obituary will typically include it in their online edition for no added cost. Another option is to print a very short notice in the paper and link it to the full obituary on the funeral home website or obituary platform. For the most accurate information, it’s best to contact the specific newspaper where you plan to place the obituary.

If you need help composing one, please check out our guidelines for writing an obituary.

Sources

“How much does a newspaper or online obituary cost?” Titan Caskets. https://titancasket.com/blogs/funeral-guides-and-more/how-much-does-a-newspaper-or-online-obituary-cost 

“Publish a free online obituary”. Ever Loved. https://everloved.com/obituaries/ 

“Create and publish a free obituary online.” Memoria. https://memoria.co/obituaries 

“Legacy’s Obituary Writer”. Legacy. https://www.legacy.com/place-an-obituary-anywhere-2 

“How much does it cost to publish an obituary?” Trustworthy. https://www.trustworthy.com/blog/how-much-does-obituary-cost 

Assuming that the body of the person who has died is preserved and stored appropriately, it is possible to wait an average of two weeks and even up to four weeks after the date of death to have a funeral. As time progresses, the body will become less suitable for an open-casket funeral, so the service should be held as soon as circumstances permit. If the body of the person who died has been cremated,  the length of time spent waiting until the funeral may be longer due to a lack of concern surrounding decomposition. 

Most funeral homes typically require that a funeral be held within 30 days. This length of time accommodates most of the reasons why families request a delay, including cultural practices that can require a wait of a day or a week after someone dies to ensure that specific rituals and guidelines can be followed prior to burial. Delays can also occur for medical or legal reasons, such as when there’s a need to conduct further investigation into a death, perform an autopsy, or proceed with organ donation arrangements. Logistical delays are also prevalent since there may be factors outside of anyone’s control that prevent the funeral from being held. The family of the person who died may also request to wait until other loved ones are able to travel to attend the funeral. 

While it is preferable to hold a funeral promptly, the timing can be a personal choice, and it’s not uncommon for funerals to be delayed. It is crucial to be considerate of religious or cultural practices and your family’s comfort when determining the appropriate time. Although there are typically no strict time limits for holding a funeral, it is important to maintain open communication with the funeral home regarding any potential time constraints. Transparency is key if additional flexibility is needed.

Sources 

“How long after someone dies is the funeral held?” Love to Know. https://www.lovetoknow.com/life/grief-loss/how-long-until-funeral-after-someone-dies 

“How long to wait before arranging funeral service”. Neptune Society. https://www.neptunesociety.com/about-cremation/how-long-to-wait-before-arranging-funeral-service

Buying a burial plot is a simple process that typically begins with researching local cemeteries to find an option that fits your personal preferences and needs. Criteria that you may want to consider when researching potential cemeteries include their location, privacy level, religious affiliation, and pricing. If green or eco-friendly burial practices are important to you, you may also inquire about the practices used at each cemetery location. 

There should be full transparency regarding the cost of the plot and any additional fees that may be included. How much a burial plot will cost will depend on the size and type of the plot. Pricing also varies from state to state, and you can generally expect that there will be additional fees associated with the burial. Comparing prices at each cemetery will help you make an informed decision and stay within your budget.

When you have identified a cemetery that aligns with your preferences, contact their office to ask for more information about available burial plots. In general, there are usually a few different options you can consider when purchasing a burial plot. What is available at each cemetery will vary, but common options burial plot options include: 

• A single burial plot
• Companion plot for two people 
• Family burial pilot 
• Plots for cremation urns

After discussing the potential options with the cemetery office, visit the location in person to look at the available plots. Factors that you might consider when assessing the plots can include certain features like proximity to a loved one’s grave, the view and surroundings, or if the plot is located in a specifically designated section based on religion, culture, etc. Once you have reviewed the plots and determined which one aligns with your preferences, it’s time to review the requirements for purchasing a plot with the cemetery.

In most instances, you will be provided with paperwork or a contract that needs to be completed and signed to purchase the plot. These documents should be reviewed carefully, and you are encouraged to ask questions if any of the details are unclear. It is crucial to understand the terms and conditions that you are agreeing to before finalizing your purchase. Important considerations that you may want to have included in the agreement include whether you can transfer the funds you’ve paid for the plot to another cemetery if you move to another state, or whether you have to offer the burial plot for repurchase to the cemetery prior to attempting to sell it to someone else. 

Many people find it helpful to consult with family members or loved ones to help with decision-making before finalizing the purchase of their plot. If you need additional support with buying a burial plot, working closely with a funeral director can also be helpful. They can provide general guidance and information that will make it easier for you to navigate purchasing a burial plot for the first time. 

Sources

“A guide to purchasing a cemetery plot.” Everlasting Memories.

https://www.evrmemories.com/a-guide-to-purchasing-a-cemetery-plot

Memorial Planning. https://www.memorialplanning.com

Due to the vast extent to which funeral homes serve communities, they must have emergency response plans and procedures for various scenarios, including natural disasters. OSHA requires all funeral homes to have emergency action plans. These plans outline the necessary steps to maintain services, preserve human remains, and provide safety for clients and staff. 

A core component of emergency preparedness among funeral homes involves securing resources and establishing backup systems. Since natural disasters such as hurricanes and earthquakes can cause power outages, most funeral homes need generators to maintain refrigeration units and other important equipment. If their facilities are completely compromised, some funeral homes partner with other service providers to maintain continuity of care for their clients. They may also utilize temporary mortuary structures or mobile mortuary units to maintain storage and care. Additionally, they typically maintain an inventory of enough supplies to last for a few months at minimum to ensure that they have enough resources to care for people who have died.

Since natural disasters can contribute to an increase in the death rate, funeral homes must also be prepared to address deaths as quickly as possible. They must maintain protocols and procedures that can be rapidly scaled to match the demand. In these circumstances, communication is essential since they need to coordinate with local authorities and emergency services and keep families updated regarding the potential wait time associated with requested services and arrangements. 

Emergency preparedness is ultimately a vital aspect to maintaining funeral home operations. Planning ahead, acquiring enough resources to last for extended lengths of time, forming partnerships with other service providers, and having alternative spaces available to continue work are essential in maintaining timely and dignified death care services in an emergency. Although preparation is often extensive, it ensures that loved ones continue to be handled with care and respect and provides consistent support to families during vulnerable and uncertain times. 

Sources 

“Be prepared. Be ready. Disaster planning and emergency management.” Cremation Association of North America.   https://www.cremationassociation.org/blog/be-prepared-be-ready-disaster-planning-and-emergency-management 

“Funeral home emergency action plans.” National Funeral Directors Association. https://nfda.org/resources/operations-management/disaster-planning/funeral-home-emergency-action-plans 

“Mortuary operations following mass fatality natural disasters: a review.” Springer Link. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s12024-016-9836-3 

The average headstone costs between $1000 and $3000, including necessary fees. Headstones with more elaborate styles and detailing are generally more expensive. Headstone cost varies significantly based on several factors, such as: 

• Material 
• Size 
• Weight 
• Texture 
• Engraving
• Finish 
• Accessories 

In addition to these factors, the total price is also influenced by multiple fees. This includes shipping and delivery, installation, and the cemetery permit fee. While the shipping, delivery, and cemetery permit fees typically vary based on location, the installation fee often ranges from $100 to $500. It should also be noted that some cemeteries include an additional charge for certain types of monuments, such as headstone benches. 

You can also expect to pay for long-term maintenance, especially after several years have passed. Headstone cleaning is recommended every 7 to 10 years and can cost up to $170 for a professional headstone cleaning service. Restoration services may also be necessary depending on the headstone’s exposure to weather conditions and other elements. Headstone restoration may include detailing the engraving, restoring the stone’s surface, and resurfacing or reinstalling the foundation. The cost associated with restoration services varies on a case-by-case basis depending on the level of restoration required.

Sources

“How much do headstones cost?” Empathy. https://www.empathy.com/funeral/how-much-do-headstones-cost 

“Simple guide to headstone prices and costs.” Love to Know. https://www.lovetoknow.com/life/grief-loss/simple-guide-headstone-prices-costs 

A wake (or a visitation) is a time when family, friends and loved ones gather to support each other and to say their last goodbyes to the person who died. In the past, wakes took place at the home of the person who died, but today most wakes are held at the funeral home or house of worship where the funeral will be held. In earlier times, wakes would often stretch over several days, as people would have to travel long distances by rail or car to come and pay their respects. Today, thanks to the availability of air travel, most wakes take place shortly before the funeral or cremation takes place.

Another difference between wakes and funerals is that wakes are usually quite informal. They may go on all day or for several hours in the morning and evening. The immediate family of the person who died is usually present throughout, but visitors usually come for a short time to offer their condolences and then leave. Funerals, on the other hand, tend to be more structured affairs. There is typically an officiant who leads the ceremony, a eulogy, and perhaps a brief time for sharing by friends and family, after which the body is transported to the cemetery or crematorium.

In some religions, notably Judaism and Islam, burial of the body takes place very quickly — preferably within 24 hours of death. For those of the Jewish faith, burial is followed by a period of mourning known as “shiva,” which lasts for seven days. Much like a wake that happens before burial, this period is set aside for friends and loved ones to visit the family, offer their condolences and pay their respects. Visitors typically bring food for the immediate family, who are often too grief-stricken to prepare meals for themselves. A similar period is observed in the Muslim faith, but usually lasts only three days. 

Sources 

“Differences Between Wakes, Funerals, and Visitations”. Very Well. https://www.verywell.com/wake-vs-visitation-whats-the-difference-1132123 

The pallbearer is the individual who is responsible for carrying and escorting the casket during the burial and funeral. If someone is unable to carry the casket, they may be allowed to walk beside those who are carrying the casket and will be deemed as an honorary pallbearer instead. It is considered a significant honor to be chosen as a pallbearer. Pallbearers are usually selected by the person who died prior to their death or by their family after the death has occurred. 

Traditionally, funerals required a team of six to eight pallbearers who would carry the casket and bring it to the cemetery so that it could be buried. Since pallbearers were expected to bear the weight of the casket on their shoulders, it was a role that was typically only given to strong men who could ensure the casket traveled to the appropriate location. In modern funerals, pallbearers are only responsible for moving the casket from the hearse to the gravesite, and they hold the casket at their sides rather than bearing the weight on their shoulders. Pallbearers may also walk next to a casket that is placed on a special cart or bier, eliminating the need for the casket to be carried at all. These changes make it easier to transport the casket and also ensure that the role of pallbearer can be extended to both men and women, even if they cannot always physically lift the casket.

Generally speaking, anyone can be a pallbearer at a funeral as long as they can help carry the weight of the casket. Honorary pallbearers can be included as well, but it is important to remember that there will still need to be other pallbearers carrying the casket beside them. The team of pallbearers is usually composed of people who were close to the person who died. They may be relatives, close friends, or colleagues, and may also be some of the individuals who are speaking at the funeral.

While the ability to carry the casket is an important factor in selecting a pallbearer, the emotional capacity to take on this role must also be considered. Being a pallbearer is an emotionally intense and meaningful experience, especially since pallbearers are often viewed as representatives of the bereaved family. Overall, the pallbearer takes on a unique role in honoring the person who died by ensuring that they have a dignified procession to their final resting place.

Sources

“The essential guide to serving as a pallbearer”. Partlow Funeral Chapel. https://partlowchapel.com/the-essential-guide-to-serving-as-a-pallbeare/ 

“How to choose pallbearers for your funeral”. EverPlans.

https://www.everplans.com/articles/how-to-choose-pallbearers-for-your-funeral

Obviously, the choice of who to invite to a funeral or memorial service belongs to the immediate family (or the person being honored, if they left a list). You will also need to consider logistics: If you are holding a funeral with the body present, it needs to be arranged quickly, and it’s likely that some people you would like to attend may not be able to come. On the other hand, a memorial service can usually be more inclusive because there is more time to prepare for the event, and more time for friends and relatives to make arrangements to come. 

The number of people you invite will also depend on the venue you choose, your budget, and what you believe your loved one would want. Were they a very private person with only a few close friends? Or were they outgoing and gregarious, with a wide social network of people they often saw? Take your cue from the person you are honoring, and invite the people you think they would like to join in a celebration of their life. 

As a general rule, family members should always receive an invitation to a funeral or memorial service, even if their circumstances make it difficult or impossible for them to come. Close friends and coworkers are usually invited as well. But if you are having a very small gathering, you can opt to send out an announcement notifying them of the death and explaining that the service is limited to immediate family for now. The announcement can also contain the address where the service will be held so that others can send flowers if they choose. Alternatively, you can add the name of a charity they can contribute to in your loved one’s name. If this seems like too much to handle in the wake of your loved one’s death,  you can also add these details to a public obituary in your local newspaper or an online service such as Legacy.com.

Sources

Legacy. https://www.legacy.com/ 

To some extent, how you invite people to a funeral or memorial service depends on the type of service you plan to have. If you are having a funeral with the body present, it will usually need to take place within a week of the person’s death. (If the body is embalmed or refrigerated, this may be extended to two to four weeks.) Thus, it’s important to invite the people you would like to attend in the most efficient way possible, which is typically via email or by phone. If you have access to the cell phone of the person who died, you can use their contact list to find this information if it’s not readily available anywhere else. 

If, on the other hand, you’re planning a memorial service, you have much more flexibility in when you have the event and how you invite attendees. If you want to use email, you can send invitations via paperless post or Evite. But if there’s time, sending invitations via the US Postal Service gives you the opportunity to design a personalized invitation in any number of ways. For example, you can: 

• Buy pre-made invitations at your local stationery store
• Order custom invitations from an online retailer like PaperSource or Shutterfly
• Create DIY invitations that you design yourself or from a template from an online source such as Etsy
• Hire someone to design and create invitations for you.

You may also wish to add more personal touches, such as: 

• A photo of the person who died
• A favorite poem or lyrics from a song
• A floral or religious motif

Additionally, you can add more detail about the service you’re planning, such as: 

• Dress code (casual, bright colors, no black etc)

• Whether guests should make donations in lieu of flowers
• What guests should bring, for example, a favorite photo, a bouquet of wildflowers
• Whether food and/or beverages will be served and who will provide them
• Other special requests

Sources 

Paperless Post. https://www.paperlesspost.com/cards/category/memorial-service 

Evite. https://www.evite.com/gallery/category/funeral_memorial_service/ 

Paper Source. https://www.papersource.com/stationery/announcements/memorial 

Shutterfly. https://www.shutterfly.com/ideas/celebration-of-life-invitation-wording/ 

Etsy. https://www.etsy.com/listing/829559813/electronic-funeral-announcement-funeral?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=memorial+invitations&ref=sr_gallery-1-3&organic_search_click=1&pro=1 

Inviting children to a funeral can help introduce them to the general concept of mortality, but the appropriateness of their presence can vary greatly based on the child’s maturity level, relationship to your loved one, and the circumstances surrounding the death and respective service. Being present at these ceremonies allows children to participate in the collective mourning experience and learn how to cope with grief in a suitable environment. Every child is unique, so their comprehension and sensitivity toward death should be taken into consideration before making a decision.

It is important to consider the child’s age when determining whether to invite them to a funeral. Older children may find that participating in a collective or communal expression of grief and remembering a loved one alongside other people who cared for them helps them process their emotions and accept the finality of death. The ability to experience traditions, rituals, and customs associated with a funeral service can help foster a sense of acceptance regarding the death of a loved one. However, younger children may struggle to fully comprehend the concept of death and its finality. Children aged five years or younger may have difficulty understanding death and may easily become distressed or overwhelmed by the emotions and displays of a funeral; however, the experience can also be a very positive one, so it’s important not to assume they will have a difficult time. Ask your funeral director if there is a room where children can go if they need some time away from the visitation or consider assigning a known and trusted “point person” who will not mind leaving the funeral with your child, if it becomes necessary. Let your child help select this caregiver in advance of the funeral, if appropriate.

If children are included at a memorial or funeral service, extra time and attention should be set aside to prepare them for the experience prior to the event, and they should never be forced to touch or look at anything that may make them uncomfortable. This time can be dedicated to explaining what a funeral or memorial service is, what it represents in the context of the death of their loved one, and what they can expect to see or experience while they’re at the service. It should also be a time to talk to them about their feelings so that they understand that it’s normal to feel sad, confused, curious, or even afraid. Encouraging children to share their feelings and talking with them to help explore why they feel that way can help cultivate healthy perceptions of death and reduce the early development of fear or stigma. 

It’s important to note that simply attending the funeral will help your child begin processing his or her grief. But whenever possible, consider including youth of all ages in the planning of the funeral/memorial service to help them feel connected and involved.

Let your child’s comfort level guide you when sharing ideas about how he or she can express his or her feelings, and honor your loved one in a meaningful way. Be certain that your child understands that participation is his or her decision, and that, at any point, he or she can change his or her mind about the level of involvement.

Consider asking your funeral director, clergy or celebrant for suggestions on youth involvement, or incorporate some of the following activities:

Prior to the funeral

• Draw a picture or write a letter to place in the casket or beside the urn.
• Select special photographs or items, and help arrange a picture board, video tribute or memorial table; share special stories and memories during the activity.
• Older children may want to help with arrangements, such as selecting a casket or an urn, or the readings and music for the service.

During the funeral events

Visitation

• Greet the guests, hand out memorial cards or direct people to the registration book.
• Participate in the final closing of the casket.

Ceremony

• Start the ceremony by placing a flower on the casket or in front of a memorial portrait.
• Share a poem, reading or reflection; sing a song or play an instrument.
• Serve as a pallbearer or casket escort.
• Participate in religious customs.

Post-ceremony

• Distribute flowers to family and friends gathered at the cemetery.
• Place a memento at the graveside, such as a plant or stuffed animal.
• Share special memories over your loved one’s favorite meal.

It is also acceptable to decide not to include children in the funeral service. All children will react differently to death and attending a funeral can be overwhelming and highly upsetting for some. In these instances, it may be more beneficial to have conversations about death with the child so that they’re aware of what has happened, but allow them to stay home and continue those conversations later to encourage gradual processing of their loss. Ultimately, the decision to invite a child to a funeral will vary among families and the circumstances specific to the death. But families can navigate the situation effectively by keeping children engaged regarding their emotions and preparing them for what to expect if they attend. 

Sources 

“Funerals – Should Children Attend Them?” National Memorial Planning. https://www.nationalmemorialplanning.com/articles/view/funerals-should-children-attend-them-5dfba2b2-8d04-4957-875f-6e860a1ed4de 

“Guidelines for Children Attending Funerals and Memorial Services”. VITAS. 

https://www.vitas.com/family-and-caregiver-support/grief-and-bereavement/children-and-grief/guidelines-for-children-attending-funerals-and-memorial-services

“Should Children Attend a Funeral or Memorial Service?” Ever Plans. https://www.everplans.com/articles/should-children-attend-a-funeral-or-memorial-service 

Youth and Funerals. Remembering A Life

https://www.rememberingalife.com/pages/youth-and-funerals

While taking photos at a funeral is not necessarily inappropriate, it may not be acceptable to the family and loved ones of the person who died.  Before taking any photos, it is crucial to get permission from those who are conducting the service. If they don’t want anyone to take photos, then it is best to respect their wishes. If there is any possibility that the photos may be posted online or shared via social media, it is important to mention it when requesting permission, since this may also influence the decision of the surviving loved ones.

Some families hire a professional photographer to capture images of specific aspects or memories from a funeral. Although this can indicate that they are comfortable with photography, do not assume that personal photos are automatically permitted. After permission is granted, it is crucial to approach the photography with a certain level of discretion. Photography should be conducted in a manner that doesn’t disrupt the service and the use of flash should typically be avoided. Additionally, the following should not be photographed:

• The person who died
• The casket
• The grave 
• Individuals who are not aware they are being photographed

After photos have been taken, sharing them with others should be handled with discretion as well. Since people are potentially being photographed during a very emotional and sensitive moment, it is not necessarily appropriate to share those images in a readily accessible space. Once an image is posted on social media or the Internet, it can be difficult to manage the extent to which it may spread or be reposted. Ideally, you should only share an image privately and with the permission of the surviving family members. An even better idea would be to simply share a photo from a cherished experience with the person who died, rather than sharing images from their funeral.

Sources

“Should you take photos at funerals?” Palmer Mortuary. https://www.palmermortuary.com/should-you-take-photos-at-funerals

“5 reasons you should ask someone to take photos at a funeral”. Huff Post. 

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/5-reasons-you-should-ask-someone-to-take-photos-at-a-funeral_b_9362012

Although some aspects of making arrangements can vary when planning a funeral for a neonate or fetus, there are some commonalities to be aware of. If you were at the hospital when the death occurred, the staff may ask you which funeral home you prefer. Depending on the circumstances, they may also provide you with an alternative option depending on the laws and regulations in your state. 

Sometimes, the options offered by the hospital can vary based on the age and weight of the newborn or fetus. For example, laws in Texas indicate that if the fetus weighs over 350 grams (about 12 ounces) or exceeds the gestational age of 20 weeks, burial or cremation by a funeral home is required. If the weight is under 350 grams and the gestational age is less than 20 weeks, the family can allow the hospital to handle the disposition instead. There usually isn’t an additional cost associated with allowing the hospital to take responsibility for the disposition. 

When selecting a funeral home, finding a provider specializing in infant and fetal funerals can be helpful. Although funeral directors can manage any funeral, partnering with someone with expertise in infant and fetal funerals can make it easier to navigate the process. Many funeral directors dedicate additional time to tailoring their available options to be more specific and meaningful for clients who have experienced this type of loss. 

If keeping the neonate’s ashes is important to you, fetal water cremation may be a potential option since it is more likely to produce cremated remains or ashes than traditional flame cremation. After cremation, it may take a few weeks to receive the ashes, but this can vary depending on the wait times for your local funeral home or crematory. 

Sources

“Arrangements after a miscarriage or stillbirth.” Texas Children’s Hospital. https://www.texaschildrens.org/patients-families/patient-and-family-resources/death-child/arrangements-after-miscarriage-or 

“Funeral options for an unborn child”. Cremation Green. https://www.cremation.green/funeral-options-for-an-unborn-child/ 

A departy, living funeral, living wake, pre-funeral, living memorial, exit party is a contemporary approach compared to a traditional funeral, and there is no formal etiquette book. The venue where such an event takes place varies widely, ranging from as casual as a gathering in a park to a more formal affair at a church — if there are special considerations for dress code or other expectations, that information should be included in the invitation. 

Because the honoree of a living funeral will be present, it can be helpful to reflect on fond memories you have together or ways they have impacted your life, as there will often be an opportunity for departy attendees to share and reminisce over stories together. You can also bring photos or other mementos, as well as any favorite passages or even songs that are important to your relationship. Overall, the goal is to celebrate the person’s life in a joyful manner, showing your appreciation for them while they’re here to receive it. 

Sources 

“Living Funeral”. Eternally Loved. https://eternallyloved.com/blog/living-funeral/ 

The differences between a casket and a coffin include their costs, shapes, and the materials involved in their construction. Outside of the United States, the terminology may also differ. For example, in Ireland, the term coffin describes a container suitable for a loved one’s funeral or burial. In contrast, the term casket may refer to a decorative container that holds items such as valuables or jewelry. 

A few components contribute to the difference in shape between coffins and caskets. Most coffins have six sides and distinct tapering at the head and feet, whereas caskets have four sides and are more rectangular. While the lid of a coffin is flat and can be lifted for removal, the lid of a casket has a dome shape and is hinged so the lid can swing open to view the person who has died. 

Another consideration is the materials used and the overall appearance of a coffin compared to a casket. Coffins are usually constructed from wood or metal, such as copper or steel. They are generally very plain and simple in appearance. Caskets may also be built from metal or wood, but they typically have more options for customization. Examples of customizable components on a casket include the size, interior, lid, and the details used for embellishment.

Since caskets have more customization options and tend to be more ornate, they also tend to be more expensive when compared to coffins. There are fewer materials necessary to craft a coffin, which also contributes to a lower price when compared to a casket. While coffins may be an option for those who are planning a low-cost funeral, it should be noted that finding an appropriate vendor can be challenging due to an overall decrease in popularity. 

Ultimately, deciding whether to select a casket or coffin depends on personal preferences, cultural traditions, and budget considerations. Sometimes, it is a decision between simplicity or increased customization. However, one option is not more appropriate than another, and both have potential advantages and disadvantages. 

Sources

“Casket vs. Coffin: Six Key Differences You Should Know”. Vaughn NC Greene. 

https://vaughncgreene.com/blogs/blog-entries/3/News-Events/178/Casket-vs-Coffin-Six-Key-Differences-You-Should-Know.html

“Caskets vs. Coffins”. Cage Memorial. 

https://www.cagememorial.com/caskets-vs-coffins

It’s certainly possible to have a funeral for your dog or cat and any other pet, and the practice is becoming increasingly popular as animals enjoy a more and more significant role in human lives. Pet funeral services allow owners to say goodbye, remember happy memories shared and can even help with healing and moving through grief.

Burying or cremating your pet

When it comes to planning a pet funeral, deciding what you will do with their body is a good first step. There are pet cemeteries with burial plots where you can lay your pet to rest, while some human cemeteries allow pets to be buried alongside their owners. If you’d like to bury your pet at home it’s generally legal to do so in your backyard, or any private property with permission of the owner, though it’s prudent to confirm with homeowners associations or local authorities. Renters should check with their landlord and potentially local authorities. To ensure the grave site is free of underground lines, call 811 several days before digging and your local utilities company will help mark any buried utilities.

You can also opt for cremation, available at many animal hospitals or your local Humane Society, which provides the option for you to keep your pet’s ashes or scatter them in a special location. If you want to scatter in a public place like a park, it’s a good idea to check with your local parks department. If you choose cremation, you may be asked if you would like your pet to be cremated alone (which can be more expensive) or with other pets. Choosing the former will ensure you receive only the remains of your pet.

Having a memorial service for your dog or cat (or other)

Whether you’re burying your pet in a cemetery or at home, or scattering ashes, you can have a memorial service just as for a human. You can invite others who were close with your pet such as dog walkers, friends from the dog park, and your own friends and family. People can share stories and memories and/or you can have a moment of silence in remembrance. There are no set rules and you can make it as simple or elaborate as you wish.

Creating a memorial site for your pet

It can be healing to have an outdoor memorial area with a marker or stone, which you can embellish with plants or flowers. You can also set up an indoor memorial area — many places that provide pet cremation offer personalized memorial items such as urns or paw prints. You can surround the area with favorite toys, photographs and keepsakes.

Honoring your pet in any way that feels comforting to you can help you keep them in your heart while aiding in the grief process.

Sources 

“How to have a funeral for your dog or cat”. Animal Wellness Magazine. https://animalwellnessmagazine.com/how-to-have-a-funeral-for-your-dog-or-cat/ 

“Planning a Pet Funeral”. Perfect Memorials. https://perfectmemorials.com/guides/planning-a-pet-funeral 

Call 811. https://call811.com/ 

“End of Life Services”. Humane Society. https://www.animalhumanesociety.org/resource/end-life-services 

A “departy,” also known as a living funeral, pre-funeral, living memorial, exit party or living wake, is a memorial celebration held for someone before they die. A common refrain at traditional funerals and related gatherings is the wish that the person who died could have seen all those loved ones together and heard their tributes — a departy is just that. 

A departy gives friends and family members the opportunity to share stories, express their feelings, honor the life of, and say goodbye to a person who is generally expected to die within the span of weeks or months, whether due to terminal illness or old age. They are becoming an increasingly popular choice for families who want to honor the memory of their loved one without the solemnity and sadness associated with traditional funerals.

The service does not require any specific religious beliefs or rituals to be effective, though it certainly can include them..

The basics of “departies” or living funeral services

There are no set rules for how or where a departy or living funeral should occur. It’s common to share stories about the honoree, bring photographs or mementos, listen to their favorite music, indulge in favorite dishes, or even visit their burial site. As no two individuals are alike, the range of a departy can vary wildly — the aim is to create an experience that celebrates the life of a loved one in a meaningful and memorable way.

Sources 

“What is a living wake and how to plan one?” Bare. https://bare.com.au/blog/what-is-a-living-wake-how-to-plan-living-funeral 

The decision to donate organs does not eliminate the possibility of having a funeral service. Additionally, it does not prevent donors from having an open casket at their funeral. Organ donors are treated with care during the donation process and the process itself does not cause any disfigurement of the body of the person who died. 

When organs and tissues are donated, the surgeons who are responsible for the procedure will close any incisions and ensure that the body remains intact and presentable for any upcoming services. For example, donated skin may be taken from the back or the legs, where it will be covered by clothing or concealed due to placement in the casket. If bones or eyes are donated, the surgical team will also fill these areas with either plastic bone or eye caps to maintain the proper structure of the body for viewing. 

The organ donation process doesn’t delay the timeline for a funeral service. In most cases, funeral services occur around a week after death, whereas organ and tissue donation is typically only possible within the first 24 hours following death. The donation process can take several hours. Afterward, the body of the donor will be sent to the funeral home. Transfer of the body is typically arranged by the transplant team in conjunction with the funeral home. But the family should communicate clearly about any special arrangements or requests so that the transplant team and funeral director can honor them. 

Ultimately, funeral arrangements will not need to be adjusted based on a loved one’s decision to be an organ donor. This means families and loved ones can focus on honoring and remembering the person who died rather than coordinating arrangements. 

Sources 

“Can you have an open casket after organ donation?” Donor Alliance. 

https://www.donoralliance.org/newsroom/donation-essentials/can-you-have-an-open-casket-after-organ-donation

“’Upstate Answers’ question on funerals after organ donation”. Upstate. 

https://www.upstate.edu/whatsup/2014/0310-upstate-answers-question-on-funerals-after-organ-donation.php

“Body Donation FAQs.” Schilling Funeral Home. 

https://schillingfuneralhome.com/blogs/blog-entries/9/Blogs/143/Body-Donation-FAQs.html

Choosing an open or closed casket is a deeply personal decision that should reflect the preferences of the person who died and demonstrate mindfulness in supporting the bereaved individuals who will attend the service. The decision to have an open or closed casket can affect the grieving process of attendees since it can influence how they will remember their loved one. An open casket funeral can provide a sense of closure for some people since it allows them to view their loved one for the last time. Viewing the body of the person who died can help some people accept the finality of death and recognize that the death is real if they are struggling with disbelief or shock over the loss. 

Although open caskets can be helpful to some in processing their grief, there are instances where they may not be an ideal option. Some people struggle with open casket viewings and feel that they are emotionally overwhelming or upsetting because their loved one may not look the same anymore or may not have a peaceful expression on their face. Sometimes, the condition of the body may prevent an open casket from even being offered. This typically occurs in circumstances involving chronic medical conditions or other causes of death that have significantly damaged or disfigured the body. It is better to choose a closed casket in these scenarios since viewing the person who died can be highly emotionally distressing. It’s important to speak with your funeral director about all of your options. If having an open casket is important to you, there are funeral directors and embalmers who specialize in restoration and they may be able to make a private viewing or visitation possible.

If restoration is not possible, but immediate family or close friends would like to view their loved one, funeral directors can sometimes provide an opportunity to have a viewing with the person completely shrouded. While it is not recommended to directly view the body under these circumstances, it makes it possible for family members and friends to potentially hold the hand of their loved one if they are comfortable. This not only helps to maintain a sense of connection but also aids in helping them to accept the loss of their loved one.

Closed casket funerals can be an appropriate choice even if the body of a loved one looks fully presentable before the service. The decision to use a closed casket can reflect a sense of privacy and respect for the person who died. It can help attendees to focus on celebrating the life of their loved one instead of focusing directly on their death. For attendees who are very sensitive to death, a closed casket can be a protective action to reduce the amount of overwhelm experienced when paying final respects near the casket. However, a closed casket may prompt some attendees to feel as if their grief is unresolved or that they didn’t have a chance to say goodbye, especially if they did not have the opportunity to meet with their loved one before the death. A private viewing is also an option, with only immediate family and close friends present, before the service.

Finally, the preferences and wishes of the person who died are incredibly important. Some individuals have cultural or religious beliefs that can inform whether an open or closed casket can be used. While there isn’t a right or wrong decision in regard to choosing an open or closed casket, it’s always important to be mindful and considerate of how these choices may affect family, friends, and loved ones. 

Sources 

“Open Casket vs a Closed Casket Funeral.” Trusted Caskets. 

https://trustedcaskets.com/blogs/news/open-casket-vs-a-closed-casket-funeral-the-fundamental-information-to-help-you-decide

“Why Choose An Open Casket Funeral?” The Gardens. 

https://www.thegardens.com/should-there-be-an-open-casket

“What are closed casket funerals?” Titan Casket. 

https://titancasket.com/blogs/funeral-guides-and-more/what-are-closed-casket-funerals

Funeral attire is typically conservative and tends to be fairly formal. While it is not required to wear black, dark and neutral colors, such as gray, are commonly acceptable. What is appropriate to wear to a funeral can vary based on the cultural and religious background of the person who died, so it is important to be respectful of those expectations when selecting your attire. 

If you are attending a destination funeral, being mindful of the location can provide additional insight regarding appropriate attire. A funeral that is being conducted at the beach or a private residence may need less formal attire in comparison to other locations, such as a place of faith. If you are in doubt, contacting someone else attending the funeral or the person responsible for hosting the service may provide additional insight. 

A general best practice is to wear clothing that is respectful of the person who died and aligns with the tone of the service. You should avoid wearing any clothing that is too flashy or makes you stand out among the rest of the attendees. Similarly, it is important to avoid being too casual. Graphic t-shirts, clothing with logos, and jeans are all garments that should be avoided. There may be instances, however, when the deceased has requested specific attire, such as bright colors, their favorite color, or fan apparel for their favorite sports team. Feel free to participate according to their wishes if you feel comfortable doing so.

Other considerations to keep in mind include: 

• Skirts and dresses should be an appropriate length 
• Clothing should not be too revealing 
• Sneakers, running shoes, sandals, and flip-flops should be avoided 
• Hats or headwear is generally not advised unless it is a cultural or religious requirement
• Complex patterns should generally be avoided
• Bright hues should be avoided unless otherwise indicated 
• Hairstyles should be simple 
• Follow the dress code for the venue where the service is being conducted whenever possible 

Dressing appropriately and maintaining modesty in your funeral attire demonstrates that you understand the solemn tone of the service. Although some people buy new clothing to ensure they have appropriate options to wear to the funeral, it isn’t a requirement. In most instances, you can compile an appropriate outfit by combining a few garments that you already own. Finally, don’t be afraid to ask for additional guidance from a friend or family member. While it can be difficult to ask for help, it communicates to them that you care about being as respectful as possible when attending the service. Ultimately, the family of the deceased will be grateful you’ve chosen to attend and pay your respects, so don’t let the stress of what to wear prevent you from attending.

Sources 

“What should I wear to a funeral?”

https://www.thespruce.com/what-should-i-wear-to-a-funeral-1216549

“How to dress for a funeral”. FuneralWise. https://www.funeralwise.com/funeral-etiquette/how-to-dress-for-a-funeral/

When planning a funeral for someone who identifies as LGBTQ+, it is important to honor their legacy and celebrate their life with authenticity. This often involves including their chosen family, cherished relationships, and sharing their personal journey. If they had a preferred name, this should be used throughout the service, as should any preferred pronouns, and included in any associated materials. Using a birth name or any other former name when referring to a transgender or non-binary person is known as deadnaming and is considered to be immensely disrespectful since it communicates a lack of respect for the person’s identity, transition, and preferences. It is often seen as a form of discrimination and harassment. 

If the person who died has already handled their funeral planning prior to their death, they may have already determined most of the arrangements and logistics of the funeral. Sometimes, there may be unresolved issues between the person who died and their family, which is why it is crucial to be mindful of their biological family and their chosen family. Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for individuals in the LGBTQ+ community to be alienated from their biological families. Since this is frequently a source of trauma, it is important to be considerate of who is invited to the funeral service. Similarly, it can be helpful to identify an officiant who can lead the service with sensitivity, compassion, and respect for the person who died. 

As a general best practice, the funeral should be structured in a manner that aligns with the personal preferences of the person who died. For example, some individuals may be more expressive and open regarding their identity, while others may be more subtle. Many individuals are not able to come out about their identity due to their personal circumstances, and this should be taken into consideration when planning their funeral. It is essential to be mindful of these factors to ensure that the person who died is represented appropriately. 

Carefully selecting attendees, choosing an officiant, using appropriate language, and personalizing the funeral space will help ensure that the funeral is a memorable tribute to the person who died. Dedicating time to remember them with others who made them feel seen, heard, and respected is crucial to honoring their legacy. Ultimately, the goal should be to honor their life in a way that would make them feel accepted and loved. 

Sources 

“Funeral planning in the LGBTQ+ community.” Funeral Wise. https://www.funeralwise.com/funeral-planning-in-the-lgbtq-community/ 

“How to plan an LGBTQ+ celebration of life.” Dignity Memorial. https://www.dignitymemorial.com/memorial-services/planning-a-celebration-of-life/lgbtq-planning-guide 

A funeral procession refers to a method of transporting the person who died from the funeral to the cemetery or crematorium. The procession consists of a motorcade of vehicles, including the hearse, or individuals who are walking together in a unified group to the final resting place. It is a component in many traditional funerals and is often viewed as a solemn tribute to the person who died. It is not uncommon for individuals in a community to gather as a funeral procession occurs since it provides them with an opportunity to briefly pay their respects as the hearse passes by even if they do not directly attend the funeral. 

When participating in a funeral procession, there are a few considerations to keep in mind. Close friends, family, and loved ones of the person who died should arrive around 45 minutes early to the funeral home if they are driving their own vehicles in the procession. This is necessary to ensure that these vehicles are closer to the front of the procession. Other participants who were not in the immediate social circle of the person who died usually join the procession in the order that they arrive unless otherwise requested. The general order of the vehicles in the procession is indicated below: 

• The lead vehicle (sedan or van) 
• The hearse or funeral coach
• Family vehicles (sometimes limousines, but not required)
• Participant vehicles

Before the start of the procession, a funeral attendant will place a bright magnetic flag on the front left corner of the car to indicate that it is part of the procession. This flag will read “funeral” so that other motorists are aware of the procession. In a procession with multiple cars, flags may be placed on every other vehicle or every third vehicle to indicate to other motorists that a funeral procession is occurring. Additionally, participating drivers must keep their headlights on throughout the process to the cemetery or crematorium.

During the procession itself, participants who are driving need to stay as close as possible to the vehicle in front of them to ensure that other vehicles are not able to cut in front of the procession and potentially disrupt it. Everyone should be informed that they will need to drive slowly and must remain in the procession line until it has been completed. All other motorists are required to yield until the procession has passed them on the road.

Overall, the general tone of a funeral procession is one of respect and solemnity. Participants are expected to navigate the procession in a manner that is consistent with honoring the person who died, which means loud music or pushing past other vehicles is inappropriate. By observing the necessary etiquette for a funeral procession and working closely with the funeral attendant, participants can ensure that they successfully transport their loved one to their final resting place.

Sources 

“Driving in a Funeral Procession and What to Do if You Encounter One.” Eirene. https://eirene.ca/blog/driving-in-a-funeral-procession-and-what-to-do-if-you-encounter-one 

“Driving in a Funeral Procession.” FuneralWise. https://www.funeralwise.com/funeral-arrangements/funeral-processions/ 

“A guide to funeral procession etiquette and procedures”. https://www.betterplaceforests.com/blog/funeral-procession-etiquette-and-procedures/ 

A wake is a traditional social gathering before your loved one’s funeral. It is a common tradition among Catholics and sometimes includes a ceremony with a priest. During a wake, friends and family gather together to maintain watch over the body of the person who died, sometimes for a few days. Although the practice of wakes is associated with the Roman Catholic religion, there are many cultures that observe the tradition of holding a wake.

Planning a wake often starts with identifying a location to hold it. Wakes are most commonly held in the household of the family of the person who died, but you may also choose to hold them at other venues such as a funeral home, a place of faith, an event center, or even a hotel. Holding the wake at your private residence is typically the most affordable option, whereas outside venues can be more costly depending on how long you are renting the space. 

When you have secured a location for the wake, the next step is to prepare the space. This ranges from establishing seating arrangements to decorating the space for the gathering. Spaces that are used for wakes generally include photos and mementos of the person who died, a guest book, and a table for beverages and light snacks. If you are conducting the wake in your home, then the food and drinks may be prepared ahead of time, but they may be catered if you prefer to have the wake in a public venue. The space where your loved one will reside may also vary. Some families prefer to decorate and personalize this space in more detail, while others aim for a more minimalist approach. 

After making these preparations, the only remaining logistics to consider involve notifying friends and family members regarding when the wake will be held, and working with the funeral home to transport the body as needed. Although a wake is not required in many cultures, the decision to hold one creates an opportunity for attendees to share in communal grieving and remembrance during a difficult time. Since everyone’s approach to holding a wake will differ, what ultimately matters the most is that this gathering provides comfort to those who are grieving and enables them to express their feelings over the loss of your loved one. 

Sources

“Differences between a wake, funeral, and visitation.” Very Well Health. https://www.verywellhealth.com/wake-vs-visitation-whats-the-difference-1132123#toc-what-is-a-wake 

“The funeral wake: arranging & attending.” Untangle. https://untanglegrief.com/funeral-wake

A perpetual care cemetery, also known as an endowed care cemetery, is a burial ground that includes ongoing upkeep and maintenance of the cemetery grounds and respective gravesites. This can include ensuring grass and landscaping are consistently maintained, signs are visible and easy to read, and broken headstones or grave markers are repaired as needed. Although selecting a perpetual care cemetery doesn’t include regular cleaning of a loved one’s gravesite, some cemeteries are willing to offer this service for an additional fee. The “perpetual care” terminology is used due to the cemetery’s established commitment to ensure that the burial grounds are maintained and taken care of in perpetuity. 

Perpetual care cemeteries typically rely on proceeds that are placed into an endowment fund or trust whenever clients purchase services or plots on the site. Some cemeteries may have two separate funds: one used for general maintenance of the cemetery and the other for care of gravesites. A portion of the proceeds from services purchased are allocated toward the ongoing maintenance and care of the burial grounds to ensure that the cemetery always has enough financial resources to uphold its commitment. Once the proceeds are transferred to the fund or trust, they cannot be used until the cemetery is full and otherwise unable to generate any further income from its services. 

Individuals who are interested in working with a perpetual care cemetery are encouraged to research local cemeteries in their area. While some perpetual cemeteries effectively advertise their services more openly, many cemeteries will simply list that they offer perpetual care somewhere on their website. If there isn’t any indication of whether perpetual care is offered on the cemetery site, consider contacting the cemetery directly to inquire about whether it is an option. Additionally, since the anticipated costs of working with a perpetual care cemetery can vary, making direct contact to obtain estimates for potential costs is highly recommended. 

Sources

“What is Perpetual Care?” Willowbrook Cemetery. 

https://willowbrookcemetery.com/blogs/blog-entries/1/Our-Blogs/2/What-is-Perpetual-Care.html

“Perpetual Care Cemetery”. Brown Memorials. 

https://www.brownmemorials.com/blogs/perpetual-care-cemeteries

A companion plot is two adjacent burial plots, either side-by-side or on top of one another. Individuals selecting a companion plot can pair them with one or two headstones, depending on the chosen plot. Typically, couples or close family members purchase a companion plot to ensure they are together after death. However, companion plots may also be selected when multiple deaths occur within the same family or group on the same day. 

It is essential to be mindful of the potential cost of companion plots while budgeting for final arrangements. Since you are purchasing two plots, or double the amount of space, it’s typical for the cost of a companion plot to be double that of a single plot as well. On the other hand, purchasing a single double-depth plot will typically be more affordable than the companion plot. 

Other factors that can influence the cost of the plot include whether it is located in a private or public cemetery and whether the plot type depends on the remaining amount of space at the cemetery. Further, if a double-depth plot is selected but needs to be reopened and closed again due to different death dates, there may be additional fees to factor into the total cost. 

People typically choose companion plots due to the meaning and intent behind the decision. A companion plot can reflect a deep bond and connection between two people that will remain even in death. It can provide a physical space where friends and family can remember two loved ones and further reflect on their shared legacy of love. Additionally, the concept often provides comfort to friends and family members who know that their loved ones are together even after death. 

Sources

“The Four Types of Cemetery Plots”. EverPlans. https://www.everplans.com/articles/the-four-types-of-cemetery-plots

The longevity and durability of a concrete burial vault depend on a few factors, such as the quality of the materials used in the construction of the vault, exposure to environmental conditions, and the overall maintenance of the vault as time progresses. While there isn’t a defined lifespan for burial vaults, some vendors will specify a certain number of years that their burial vaults remain warranted or a general estimate of the average lifespan of the vault. 

Concrete burial vaults are commonly recognized for their extensive durability and protection against the elements. These vaults generally last for decades, and with proper maintenance, some may even last beyond a lifetime. As with any other type of vault, however, continued exposure to environmental factors such as temperature changes and moisture can compromise the integrity of the concrete. Most vault manufacturers reinforce their concrete with additives to enhance overall durability. Additional protection may be provided by sealants and liners to reduce the likelihood of moisture and damage.

Burial vaults are an investment, and sometimes it can be difficult for families to decide which options will provide the most durability over an extensive period. Consulting with the cemetery staff when handling final arrangements can provide additional insight into the additional features and actions that are taken to maintain the integrity of the vault before burial. Ultimately, concrete burial vaults serve as a crucial component in the preservation and protection of a loved one’s final resting place. Known for the overall longevity of the materials, investing in a concrete burial vault can help provide peace of mind to families who want to ensure that their loved one remains safeguarded as time progresses.

Sources 

“Burial vaults – what they are and why you need one”. Lakeside Funeral Homes.

https://www.lakesidefuneralhomega.com/burial-vaults-what-they-are-and-why-you-need-one

“What is a burial vault?” Ever Loved. 

https://everloved.com/articles/funeral-planning/what-is-a-burial-vault

An oversized casket, also known as a large or extra-large casket, is wider or longer than a typical coffin and is necessary when the person who died is larger or taller than a regular casket can comfortably accommodate. (Anyone up to 6’5” and 350 pounds can typically fit in a standard casket). Alternatively, someone may opt for an oversized casket to include more substantial mementos with their loved one for burial. Often, oversized caskets have the same exterior dimensions found in a standard size, but the interior space is larger. 

The dimensions of caskets vary slightly depending on the manufacturer, and there is no set size for an oversized casket. Typically, the interior ranges from 28 to 38 inches wide and 84 to 85 inches long (though it’s possible to purchase one up to 52 inches wide). Caskets on the upper limits of these ranges may be called double-oversized caskets. These oversized dimension ranges are significantly more substantial than a standard casket, which is typically 28 inches wide and 84 inches long. It’s important to consider that a typical burial plot is 30 inches wide and 86 inches long (longer if including space for a gravestone), so if your loved one requires an oversized casket, it’s possible you’ll need to purchase a larger plot, or even two plots, as well. 

Sources 

“Casket Sizes and Dimensions: What Size Casket Do I Need?” Titan Casket. 

https://titancasket.com/blogs/funeral-guides-and-more/what-size-casket-coffin-do-i-need

“Are All Caskets the Same Size?” Tindall Funeral Home.

https://tindallfuneralhome.com/blogs/blog-entries/1/Our-Blogs/147/Are-All-Caskets-The-Same-Size.html

“Oversize Sensible Solution Caskets”. Starmark. 

https://starmarkcp.com/oversizecaskets

The terms “full-couch” and “half-couch” refer to casket styles that are differentiated by the lid and how the casket is used. A full-couch casket features a single lid that is hinged to open fully, allowing funeral attendees to view the entire body of the person who died. In contrast, a half-couch casket features a lid that is split into two separately hinged sections, which allows funeral attendees to view either half or the entirety of the body. The reasons for choosing these casket types can vary based on how the casket will be used. 

Full-couch caskets may be selected for an open casket viewing since they provide the most visibility of the person who died during the process of paying respects. They may also be used for closed casket viewings when there isn’t any intent to display the person who died, such as when the body is not in acceptable condition for an open casket funeral. A half-couch casket may be preferable for individuals who wish to have an open casket viewing but want to maintain a sense of modesty or prefer a partial viewing for specific reasons. 

It is important to note that both full and half-couch caskets are appropriate for use in burial and are available in a variety of materials and styles. Half-couch caskets will have a seam at the top due to the split design of the lid, but this is merely a visual difference and does not affect the efficacy of the lid itself. Ultimately, the choice between the two styles of caskets depends on the preferences, cultural norms, and traditions that mattered to the person who died and their loved ones. 

Sources 

“What is a half couch casket?” Titan Casket. 

https://titancasket.com/blogs/funeral-guides-and-more/what-is-a-half-couch-casket#half-couch-vs-full-couch-casket-the-difference

“Understanding Half Couch vs. Full Couch Caskets”. Funeral Basics.  https://www.funeralbasics.org/understanding-half-couch-versus-full-couch-caskets/ 

A destination funeral, also known as a destination celebration of life or a destination memorial service, is an alternative type of funeral that involves loved ones traveling to a location that was meaningful to the person who died. Loved ones typically travel with the body of the person who died to ensure that they are transported appropriately to the designated location.  However, this can be expensive and is not a requirement for honoring your loved one. If transporting the body of the person who died to the destination is preferred, working with a funeral director is highly recommended for simplifying the logistics. Although many people hold destination funerals within the same country, it is becoming increasingly popular to travel abroad as well.

The goal of having a destination funeral is to provide a personalized and unique farewell or celebration of life for the person who died. Locations may be associated with meaningful milestones, connections, or interests to the person. This means that a destination funeral might involve traveling to a place of cultural significance, a favorite vacation spot, or a location that was associated with a specific hobby or achievement. In general, the location is somewhere that reminds loved ones of cherished memories or allows them to form one more special memory in honor of their loved one. 

Since destination funerals are fairly specific to what was meaningful to the person who died, they usually need to be planned in advance by that individual and other loved ones who can ensure the travel is facilitated effectively. Similar to other types of funeral planning, people can make arrangements to pay for the service and the burial or cremation ahead of time so that everything is already taken care of following their death. It is important to be aware that destination funeral planning can be more extensive and complicated than conventional funeral planning due to the logistics of traveling with the body, especially if a plan had not been made prior to death. In general, it is usually easier to travel with cremated remains rather than an embalmed body due to the various licensing requirements and regulations required for transporting a body. 

It’s important to take into consideration that attending a destination funeral can involve significant costs, which may limit the number of people who are able to attend. Holding a smaller, local gathering after the destination gathering may be a nice option for others who would like to gather in memory of their loved one.

Sources

“Destination Funerals on the Rise as Traditional Wakes Are on the Decline”. Yahoo News. https://uk.news.yahoo.com/destination-funerals-rise-traditional-wakes-144757556.html? 

“Are you ready for a destination funeral?” iMortuary. https://www.imortuary.com/blog/are-you-ready-for-a-destination-funeral/ 

It is absolutely possible to collect a DNA sample from a loved one after they die. DNA can be useful if you wish to learn more about your loved one’s ancestry or locate family members who you’ve not yet met. Genetic testing can also be useful in uncovering hereditary illnesses or detecting a predisposition to certain medical conditions such as Parkinson’s disease, Type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, atrial fibrillation, and more. 

If you wish to collect DNA from your loved one, it’s best to plan ahead and order a sample kit from a company such as Ancestry, CRI Genetic,s or 23 & Me. These kits come with detailed instructions and a return envelope, so the process should be fairly easy to complete. That said, even if you did not order a kit in advance of your loved one’s death, you can still collect a DNA sample yourself and store it until you have the time and energy to send it off. To make sure you have an adequate sample, follow this procedure outlined by EasyDNA :

1. Clean your loved one’s mouth using plain water. (No mouthwash, lemon/glycerine swabs or toothpaste.)
2. Rub the end of a sterile cotton swab along the inside of the person’s cheek, against the gums, and inside the lips for one minute. Repeat this process with four separate cotton swabs. If you are using swabs with cotton on both ends, cut the unused cotton off. 
3. Allow the swab to dry for at least one hour. The best way to do this is to put the swab in a clean glass with the cotton end sticking up in the air.
4. Place the swabs in a clean, dry envelope labeled with the person’s name and any other identifying information you would like to include. 
5. Put the envelope with the swabs in another, larger envelope for safekeeping. 
6. When you are ready, send the sample to the company of your choice. 

Sources 

Ancestry. https://www.ancestry.com/ 

CRI Genetic. https://www.crigenetics.com

23 & Me. https://www.23andme.com/ 

“How to create your own DNA test kit.” Easy DNA . https://www.easy-dna.com/resources/create-your-own-dna-kit/ 

There aren’t specific rules when it comes to dressing your loved one for their funeral and viewing, though many people opt for formal or conservative attire (and some religions have specific customs, which will be discussed). Generally, you can choose a viewing and/or burial outfit in keeping with the personal style of the person who died, an option which is becoming increasingly popular. If they preferred formalwear or were more casual, you can honor their preference by selecting an outfit that reflects their personality.

If your loved one was in the military, enjoyed sports, or was an outdoors or baking enthusiast, feel free to dress them in their uniform, favorite jersey, hiking clothes or apron. You can consider clothing that will spark cherished memories for viewing and funeral attendees. If there are items significant only to you or a couple of close family members or friends, you may want to include those for the burial only.

Most often, it’s preferable to dress the body with undergarments on. Shoes and socks are often left off, as the feet can become rigid and may be difficult to manipulate. Some funeral homes have preferences regarding shoes, which you can confirm with the funeral director. You can include jewelry, though if you want to keep any pieces as family heirlooms, be sure to remove them after the viewing.

If your loved one’s clothing no longer fits them due to illness or other factors, you may want to purchase new clothes. You can also speak with your funeral professional about clothing options they may have available, as many funeral homes carry a line of clothing specifically for this purpose.

Religious customs for viewing and burial attire

In some cases, religious or cultural traditions may dictate what someone should wear for their funeral. It’s important to respect and honor these traditions if your loved one wants that. For a Jewish funeral, traditional burial clothing consists of a simple shroud with no jewelry or accessories (if a prayer shawl was worn in life, the loved one can be buried in one with a fringe cut off). For Buddhists, if not cremated as is typically favored, daily clothes are preferred. In the Muslim faith, the body is most often dressed in a shroud, usually made of white cotton.

Sources 

“How to dress a deceased loved one for a funeral.” Phaneuf. https://phaneuf.net/blog/how-to-dress-a-deceased-loved-one-for-a-funeral 

“How do funeral homes dress bodies?” Love to Know. https://www.lovetoknow.com/life/grief-loss/how-do-funeral-homes-dress-bodies 

“Diversity in Dying: Death Across Cultures.” Milne Publishing. https://milnepublishing.geneseo.edu/nursingcare/chapter/diversity-in-dying-death-across-cultures/ 

“Jewish burial garments”. Jewish Funeral Home. https://www.jewish-funeral-home.com/jewish-burial-garments/ 

The items that may be placed in a casket largely depend on whether your loved one will be buried or cremated. For burials, what can be placed in a casket can vary between traditional and green burials. Since green burials emphasize the importance of sustainability and eco-friendly practices, items that are not organic or biodegradable, including clothing worn by the person who died, are generally not permitted. 

In contrast, many of those items would be acceptable in a casket that was intended for a traditional burial. Examples of items that you can place in your loved one’s casket prior to a traditional burial can include:

• Photos 
• Flowers
• Letters
• Religious items
• Jewelry
• Keepsakes
• Stuffed animals 
• Toys (without batteries)
• Blankets
• Sports items 
• Memorabilia 
• Musical instruments 
• Military medals 
• Awards

There are very few limitations regarding what can be placed in a casket prior to a traditional burial, which means that any items that were meaningful or symbolic to your loved one can typically be included. However, if the intent is to cremate your loved one, there are a few limitations to keep in mind. Generally, the following items are not permissible to place in a casket prior to cremation:

• Combustible items (explosives, fireworks)
• Electronics 
• Batteries 
• E-cigarettes 
• Treated materials (latex, leather, chemically-treated fabrics)
• Items that may melt or harden 
• Firearms 

The items that you choose to place in your loved one’s casket should ideally reflect their interests, personality, values, and what was important to them. If you are uncertain whether potential items are appropriate or permissible to include in the casket prior to the cremation or burial, consult with the funeral director or crematory staff. They will be able to provide additional guidance regarding items that are compliant and may even have a few suggestions regarding other potential items that can be placed in the casket with your loved one. 

Sources

“What’s usually inside a casket with the deceased’s body?” Titan Casket. 

https://titancasket.com/blogs/funeral-guides-and-more/what-s-usually-inside-a-casket-with-the-deceased-s-body

“What can you put in a coffin?” Farewill. 

https://farewill.com/articles/what-can-you-put-in-a-coffin-for-cremation#what-you-can-put-in-a-coffin

A mausoleum is a private or public above-ground structure, typically made of granite, and a mausoleum burial offers an alternative to ground interment. Mausoleum structures can range from an above-ground burial vault just large enough to contain a single casket or cremated remains to walk-in (or vestibule) mausoleums with space for multiple bodies that mourners can enter. A garden mausoleum allows mourners to pay their respects from the outside and can range in size.

Some families have a family mausoleum on private land, while some cemeteries offer plots where private mausoleums can be constructed. In some cases, cemeteries may have public mausoleums in which you can purchase a crypt like you would a plot. This tends to be the status quo in locations at or below sea level, such as New Orleans. In a case where the person who died is particularly notable, their mausoleum may be an elaborate monument. 

Regardless of the structure’s size, in a mausoleum burial, the loved one is placed into a crypt, a sealed chamber within the mausoleum that holds their casket or urn of cremated remains. The crypt is often personalized with an engraving or plaque to honor and remember the person within it. The cost of a single or companion crypt is typically several thousand dollars, while an ornate family mausoleum can range from several hundred thousand dollars to multiple millions.

Sources

“Mausoleun burial guide”. Mausoleums. https://www.mausoleums.com/mausoleum-burial-guide/ 

“Mausoleum Crypts | Family Mausoleums”. Mausoleums. https://www.mausoleums.com/mausoleum-crypts-family-mausoleums/ 

A burial vault, which is a sealed protective container for a coffin, is most commonly made of concrete, though they can also be made of metal, fiberglass, or durable plastic. Their primary purpose is to protect the casket against the elements and prevent ground sinkage, and many cemeteries require them. An urn vault serves the same purpose when cremated remains are to be buried.

With its lining and seal, a burial vault is more robust than a burial liner (or grave liner). Though also generally made of concrete, a burial liner serves mainly to prevent ground sinkage above the grave. It is unlined on the inside, and may feature holes in the base to allow groundwater to drain or have no base at all. A lined burial vault offers the greatest level of protection for the coffin and has a coated exterior and lined interior. 

There are different types of seals for burial vaults as well. The top seal method features a seal between the walls and lid of the vault, while the air seal method — said to be more secure — creates a pressurized seal using air pressure. Burial vaults can range in their protection level and ornateness, and their price ranges from several hundred to several thousand dollars. 

For green burial, burial vaults are generally not required or even prohibited. 

Sources

“What is a burial vault?” Bradshaw Funeral. https://www.bradshawfuneral.com/blog-posts/7709/what-is-a-burial-vault 

“Burial Packages”. The Chapel of Peace. https://www.thechapelofpeace.com/what-are-burial-vaults-and-graveliners/ 

Although clothing is typically not returned to the family after a viewing or funeral, this request can usually be honored if the funeral director and staff are informed beforehand. Providing early notification to the funeral director regarding this request is necessary since the clothing would otherwise be cut for ease of dressing the person who died during the preparation for the viewing or funeral. If you request to have the clothing returned after the funeral or viewing, the clothing will remain intact. 

Since your loved one’s clothing will not be cut for the dressing process if you request that the clothing be returned to you, there are a few considerations to keep in mind when selecting clothing for your loved one to wear. The general recommendation is to select clothing that is one to two sizes larger than the person’s usual size and with long sleeves. After death, the shape of the body tends to change as time continues to pass. Larger clothing sizes will accommodate these changes and make the dressing process easier.

Choosing to have the clothes returned to you often means that your loved one may be buried or cremated in a funeral gown or similar garment. This is one reason why it remains standard practice for a loved one to be buried or cremated in the same clothes that they were wearing during the viewing or funeral. Additionally, while the funeral home staff will wash your loved one’s clothing before it is returned to you, it will likely be washed in the same machine used for other soiled items used by the staff during body preparation. 

Asking to have a loved one’s clothes returned after the viewing or funeral is a matter of personal preference. While it is not a common request, it is important to note that it is not an inappropriate request to make. Individuals who are interested in exploring this option are encouraged to consult with their funeral director for additional guidance regarding garment sizing and the timeline for receiving the returned clothing. 

Sources

“Choosing Clothing Guidelines”. Lakeshore Funeral Home. 

https://www.lakeshorefuneralhome.com/choosing-clothing-guidelines-2

Ideally, your loved one made the choice of who they would like to give the eulogy at their funeral before they died. But if this wasn’t the case, the decision is generally left to the surviving spouse or next of kin. Depending on how many people are willing and/or able to speak, this might be a difficult or a relatively easy task. 

If you’re planning a religious funeral, a member of the clergy will typically give a eulogy during the formal service. This is common practice in many religions: A priest, rabbi or imam will address the congregation and talk about the role of faith in the life of the person who died, as well as ways in which faith can provide comfort to the bereaved. If the eulogist knew the person who died, they may also share stories about their life and discuss the values that meant the most to them. If the person who died was a relative stranger, they will usually ask family and friends for information about their loved one so they can deliver a eulogy that is personal and sincere. 

In addition to a member of the clergy, you may want to ask friends or family members of the person who died to speak at the funeral as well. In this case, you will want to choose someone who knew the person very well — a close friend, a parent or a sibling is usually a good choice. One of the person’s children may also wish to speak. Children have a different perspective on their parents’ lives than those who have known them for many years, but their reflections can be very meaningful nonetheless. If the person who died had an adult grandchild to whom he was particularly close, they may also wish to speak. You might also consider a mentor or work colleague if the person who died was still employed and had strong relationships at their job. (This is often the case with public servants such as police officers and firefighters.)

In any event, you should ask the person you would like to deliver the eulogy if they are comfortable doing so before making a final choice. Speaking in public is very difficult for some people; in fact, the fear of public speaking is so common that it even has a medical name, glossophobia. So make sure to check in with your choice for a eulogist to ensure they’re up to the task. 

Sources

“Glossophobia”. Psycom. https://www.psycom.net/glossophobia-fear-of-public-speaking 

Writing and delivering a eulogy are painful tasks. You have just lost someone you love, and it may be hard to get past your emotions and organize your thoughts. But if you follow a few simple steps and listen to your heart, the content should flow fairly easily. 

Start with an understanding of what a eulogy is — a tribute to a person’s life. According to Theodore Lustig, a distinguished member of Toastmasters International (an organization that teaches and provides opportunities for public speaking), a eulogy should not be a chronology of a person’s life. Rather, it should be a brief, heartfelt reflection on the kind of human being the person was. What gave their life meaning? What did they value? What did they love to do? Where did their life have the most impact, and why? What made them laugh? Starting with these questions will help you hone in on what you would like to say. 

Another helpful tactic is to think about your relationship with the person who died and what their presence in your life meant to you. Was this person a mentor; a colleague; a “rock” in hard times? Was he or she your soulmate, or a person you could always count on to make you laugh? Write down some memories that shine a bright light on the qualities that you valued most. Including these kinds of personal anecdotes in your eulogy will make it more impactful and sincere. 

Once you have some general ideas and bullet points, organize your speech. Writing it out in its entirety may help you remember what you want to say. But when the time comes, use notes. You don’t want to sound like you’re reading from a script. 

Lastly, don’t be afraid to show emotion when you speak. If you were close enough to the person who died to be chosen to deliver the eulogy, you will be hurt after their death. If you start to feel overwhelmed, stop for a moment and take a deep breath. If you feel tears coming, let them out. Remember, no one at the service is there to judge your speaking skills. They are there, just as you are, to honor the person you all loved. 

“About Toastmasters”. Toastmasters. https://www.toastmasters.org/about 

The types of funeral and memorial services people are choosing to hold for their loved ones have evolved over the past decade, and so, too, has the kind of eulogies they choose to give. Once a solemn speech given by a member of the clergy or a family member of the person who died, eulogies today are as varied as the people delivering them. Many families are choosing to have a number of speakers, each of whom offers their own unique perspective on the loved one’s life. This allows for a long list of different “takes” on the traditional eulogy, as is apparent from the many ways to approach a eulogy shown below. 

• Read lyrics from a song that had special meaning to your loved one. You can even sing the song if you’re so inclined. Check out our Healing Library for song lyrics to express your feelings.
• Read a poem that your loved one liked, or one that reminds you of them. Our SevenPonds Healing Library has a selection of poems perfect for a eulogy.
• Tell a funny story about the person being celebrated that highlights something unique about their personality.
• Read a letter the person being celebrated wrote to you.
• Write a letter to the person being honored, and read it aloud.
• Bring a meaningful object (souvenir from a trip, a gift received, something they made), and talk about the memories it sparks in you.
• Bring along a laptop to project on photos or videos on a wall of special moments with your loved one, and talk about what they mean to you
• Start with one of the loved one’s favorite quotes and talk about why they thought it was important or valuable.
• Wear an item of clothing that was important to the person being celebrated and talk about what it meant to them and why.
• If the person being honored was fond of humor, start the eulogy with their favorite joke and sprinkle some humor throughout your talk.
• Show items they handmade as their hobby or profession to explain the passion they had for the subject matter. 

Most importantly, a eulogy should be an honest and heartfelt reflection on the life of the person who died, and not just what they did, but who they were. Any ideas you have that help others recall the true essence of your loved one are bound to make your eulogy a success. 

Sources 

“What is a eulogy?” https://www.legacy.com/advice/what-is-a-eulogy/ 

When planning music for a funeral or memorial service, your most important consideration should be to choose music that reflects the taste and personality of the person who died. 

Did they love rock and roll or R&B? Then it makes sense to start your search for appropriate music in that genre. If they preferred country music, then start your search there. 

If you’re not sure about the musical preferences of the person who died, ask their friends and family members what kind of music they liked. Most musical genres offer all kinds of songs, from melancholy to uplifting and anything in between. You may also want to search the music catalog of their favorite artist to get a sense of the tone you’d like to set. Someone who loved listening to Adele, for example, would probably prefer more reflective music choices than someone whose favorite band was The Rolling Stones. 

Think, too, about the type of service you’re planning to have. If you’re holding a formal funeral service at a place of worship, you should probably choose more subdued music than if you’re planning a DeParty or celebration of life at a restaurant or in your home. Similarly, you would most likely choose different music for a joyful life celebration held a year after a person’s death than a funeral held shortly after they died. 

If you’re feeling stumped, visit our Healing Library for a selection of Healing Music that will almost certainly inspire a playlist that reflects the essence of the person who died. And if for some reason you don’t find what you’re looking for there, here are a few more suggestions that may resonate with you. 

Traditional Funeral Songs

Amazing Grace by Judy Collins

Hallelujah Instrumental by Roy & Rosemary

Ave Maria by Josh Groban

Will the Circle Be Unbroken by Joan Baez

You Raise Me Up by Josh Groban

Memorial Songs with a Modern Twist

Freebird by Lynyrd Skynyrd

In My Life by The Beatles

I Will Always Love You by Whitney Houston

A Thousand Years by Christina Perri

Uplifting Songs for a Life Celebration

We Are the Champions by Queen

Don’t Worry Be Happy by Bobby McFerrin

Here Comes the Sun by The Beatles

The Weight by The Band

You may also want to consider hiring someone to perform live music at the event. Many mourners find the sound of harp music or acoustic guitars especially soothing. You may also hire a singer to perform some of your loved one’s most beloved songs. This may also be an appropriate time to include young people in the service and invite them to perform a song, but only if they are very comfortable doing so.

Giving a keepsake gift to friends and family who attend a memorial service isn’t strictly necessary. But if you have the financial and emotional wherewithal, it is a lovely gesture that your guests will certainly be thankful for. They need not be expensive or elaborate. Small keepsakes that reflect some aspect of the life or personality of the person who died are usually appreciated the most. Take some time to think about your loved one and what they would want their guests to receive, and the ideas will begin to flow. 

If you’re still feeling stuck or in need some direction, here are a few ideas

• Small saplings that your guests can plant and nurture as they grow
• Memorial jewelry —  this can be engraved with a saying and your loved one’s name. Some keepsake jewelry will hold a small amount of the loved one’s ashes as well. 
• Memorial coins engraved with an inspiring quote and the loved one’s name
• A memorial snow globe
• A personalized memorial garden stake and a packet of wildflower seeds
• A photo portrait of the person who died
• A coffee mug or tea cup engraved with the name of the person who died
• A bud vase engraved with the name of the person who died
• A potted plant. Use the plants to decorate for the service and give them to your guests afterwards 
• A hurricane lantern engraved with the loved one’s name and dates of birth and death
• A personalized bookmark with a poem or inspirational saying and the loved one’s name
• A photo frame containing a picture of your loved one 
• A handkerchief embroidered with your loved one’s name and dates of birth and death
• A book of poems with the loved one’s name written inside
• A candle and a book of matches adorned with the loved one’s name

If your loved one had a large collection of items, such as books, albums or other collectibles, you may want to invite each attendee to select one of the items in remembrance. Think carefully before doing so to ensure you are ready to part with these items. If you have some time, you can also make jewelry from the flowers you displayed at your memorial service. To learn how, check out this article from SevenPonds.

Sources

“Cremation Jewelry for Men and Women”. Jewelry Keepsakes. https://www.jewelrykeepsakes.com/cremation-jewelry/ 

A casket saddle is a floral centerpiece composed of a foam substrate and an adjustable base for stabilization purposes. It is intended to be used for a floral arrangement that can be secured to the top of a casket, although there are a variety of saddles that can be used in other scenarios, such as cemetery or headstone saddles that are used with headstones. The foam in the casket saddle stabilizes the flowers in the arrangement and keeps them hydrated throughout the funeral. 

Flower arrangements such as casket sprays can be placed on a casket without a casket saddle, but are typically less secure. Most individuals will purchase a pre-made casket saddle with an arrangement for convenience and ease of use. However, it is possible to make your own casket saddle if you are comfortable with forming the base and creating your own floral arrangement. 

It is important to note that while most casket saddles showcase fresh floral arrangements, you can use artificial flowers instead of fresh flowers to minimize expenses. Using artificial flowers eliminates the need for floral foam to maintain hydration, which means that you can choose to use less expensive regular foam or basic styrofoam. Rubber or silicone can be added to the bottom of the casket saddle base to ensure it will remain sturdy and won’t shift around easily once it is placed on top of the casket.

Creating your own casket saddle is a meaningful way to customize the components of a funeral further and reduce expenses. Using a casket saddle arranged by a professional can provide an equally impressive display for honoring your loved one as well. Ultimately, the decision to use a casket saddle, whether pre-made or personalized, is a matter of preference.

Sources 

“How to Make a Headstone Saddle”. HubPages. https://discover.hubpages.com/art/How-To-Make-a-Gravestone-Flower-Arrangement-The-Saddle 

“What is a Casket Saddle Used For?”. Titan Casket. https://titancasket.com/blogs/funeral-guides-and-more/what-is-a-casket-saddle-used-for 

A relatively simple way for people who can’t attend the funeral to watch it online, live streaming a funeral can be as simple as setting up a smartphone in a tripod. You can then use the “Live” feature on social media platforms like Facebook, YouTube or Instagram, and viewers will be able to see the proceedings in real time. (Just be sure to share the name of the account that will be streaming with the potential attendees). 

If you’d like to do an interactive live stream of the funeral, where online attendees can converse with each other and speak to those at the funeral (or at least, the device at the funeral where the stream is originating), opt for a web-based service like Zoom or Skype. With these services, you can host a group meeting or video chat with up to thousands of participants, though for groups of over 100 there may be fees required. The simplest way to do this would be to set up a laptop with a built-in camera so that the funeral proceedings are visible to the participants. 

If the live stream is a significant part of the funeral, you can opt to connect the phone or computer to a large display and connect the audio to speakers. Depending on the funeral venue, there are likely staff who can help you with audio/visual needs. Most funeral homes are equipped to manage the live-streaming for you.

If you choose to set up a live stream on your own, be aware of the limitations of cameras and microphones on phones and laptops, which may not offer a quality video/audio experience for the people watching. Testing your equipment in advance is always a good idea.

To live stream a funeral, you typically need the following:

• Laptop or smartphone (the “streaming device”)
• Tripod or desk for the streaming device
• “Live”-capable social media like Instagram, YouTube or Facebook, or a group video service like Zoom or Skype

And for a larger-scale live stream: 

• Large monitor/display for in-person funeral attendees to better interact with virtual attendees
• Audio System — can include speakers and microphones
• Cables and Adapters — you may need an HDMI cable or other adapters to connect the streaming device to the monitor and/or audio system

Sources 

Facebook. https://www.facebook.com/formedia/tools/facebook-live 

YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/live 

Instagram. https://creators.instagram.com/live?locale=en_US 

Zoom. https://zoom.us/ 

Skype. https://www.skype.com/en/features/group-video-chat/ 

A drive-thru funeral allows attendees to drive past a designated area to view the casket or urn of the person who died. Attendees have the option of remaining inside their vehicles or standing directly outside of them to participate in the viewing. Some drive-thru funerals include a live video stream of the person who died, while others opt to only use a photograph of the individual instead. As attendees drive by, they can pay their respects, sometimes within a specified time limit. Attendees of a drive-thru funeral have minimal to no interaction with anyone else during this process but may sign a guestbook prior to leaving or drop off a condolence card. 

Drive-thru funerals became noticeably popular during the COVID-19 pandemic as a result of social distancing and limitations on audience sizes for events or gatherings. Allowing attendees to stay within their vehicles provided a safe alternative to traditional funeral practices while providing attendees an opportunity to pay their respects in a manner that aligned with public health guidelines in effect at the time. After the pandemic, drive-thru funerals became less common as most attendees reverted to traditional funeral services. 

A potential drawback of drive-thru funerals is that they can seem impersonal due to the lack of direct interaction with other individuals and less proximity to the person who died. However, they serve as a practical alternative for honoring the person who died, showing support and solidarity to their family, and attaining a sense of closure from the loss. Additionally, drive-thru funerals reflect recognition of the importance of sharing condolences, as well as our ability to adapt common rituals and practices to changing conditions in order to honor those who have died. 

Sources 

“Welcome to the Age of the Drive-Thru Funeral—Is It Here To Stay?” Funeral Wise. https://www.funeralwise.com/digital-dying/welcome-to-the-age-of-the-drive-thru-funeral-is-it-here-to-stay/ 

“What is a Drive Thru Funeral?” Titan Casket. https://titancasket.com/blogs/funeral-guides-and-more/why-and-where-do-drive-thru-funerals-exist 

Funerals, memorial services, and life celebrations are highly personal events. They offer a chance to reflect on the deceased’s life, as well as their concerns with religion and spirituality, the family, the world, and their philosophies. Life celebrations, memorial services and funerals should offer the deceased’s loved ones a gentle avenue for entering the mourning process. Unfortunately, they are not always so satisfactory. When arrangements are left to the last minute, “cookie cutter” services are often the de facto result. With effective preplanning, you can be surer of a funeral or memorial service that best meets the emotional and spiritual needs of all considered. What are the logistical needs of a funeral, memorial service, or life celebration? What are the differences between funerals, memorial services, and life celebrations? What is a life celebration? Which type of service best fits your vision? This SevenPonds article will help you preplan this important step in the mourning process.

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Things to Know:

• Today’s services are often an eclectic mix of religion, spirituality, and celebration.
• Funeral directors distinguish between “funerals,” where the body is present, and “memorial services,” where the body is absent.
• The service or celebration should be an expression of the deceased and his or her loved ones, in total accord with their wishes. As such, it is completely up to you what form your event will take.
• “Life celebration” is a more contemporary term for a certain kind of memorial service, totally free of format, where “celebrating,” rather than “mourning,” is the active intent.
• In an end-of-life celebration, a dying person can be celebrated before death has occurred, a welcome option that can allow for a loving and soothing atmosphere in which to say goodbye.

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Why should we preplan a funeral, memorial service or life celebration?

In order to be remembered with a memorial service or funeral reflective of your tastes and interests, you should preplan some or all of the details with your family or closest friends. These plans may be made long before your death.

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What types of services can be planned?

You can plan a funeral, where the body is present, or a memorial service or life celebration, where it is not. We at SevenPonds encourage our readers to consider green burial funerals or home funerals, should they be so inclined.

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What do funerals, memorial services, and life celebrations have in common?

A defining difference between funerals and memorial services is the presence of the body. The body is present at a funeral, and the body is absent at a memorial service or life celebration, therefore affecting limitations on scheduling, treatment of the remains, and other considerations. The specific definitions of funerals, memorial services and life celebrations vary considerably by culture, religion, and place. They have meant different things at different times to different people. We at SevenPonds have noticed a trend in North America towards freer interpretations, where religion is less a necessarily defining factor, and decisions are as much at the whim of the family as they are the edicts of tradition. Alternatives such as cremation, green burial, and home funerals have further widened our options, and we encourage our readers to look into these more recently embraced grieving events.

• Traditional funerals are generally held in places of worship or funeral homes. Less traditional funerals, memorial services, and life celebrations can be held in places as diverse as a private home, hotel, public meeting space, mountaintop, beach, or park.
• Funerals and memorial services may be religious or nonreligious, spiritual or nondenominational.
• Memorial services and funerals can include elements of a traditional service, such as music, flowers, prayers, readings, eulogies, and sermons.
• Memorial services can also be highly nontraditional, secular affairs, with informal sharing of stories, displays of photos or memorabilia, and requests for charitable donations rather than flowers.
• You can hire a professional caterer, or family and friends can bring food.
• You can share stories about the person’s life.
• You can display important objects from the deceased’s life: personal photos, artwork, a handmade quilt, childhood memorabilia, awards received, a motorcycle, fishing poles, a musical instrument, or any other items of special meaning to the deceased or the survivors.
• You can play music, perhaps the deceased’s favorite songs; a hired band could encourage singing or dancing.
• The event may last an afternoon, a day, a weekend, or even longer.

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What are funerals?

• Funerals are defined by grieving services for which the body is present. Bodies are displayed at the visitation, usually held the evening or morning before burial, so that the bereaved can pay their final respects.
• Funerals are typically held within several days following death.
• Funerals can be religious, nonreligious, or spiritual, based on the preferences of the family.
• You can still have a funeral if you choose cremation as opposed to burial but wish to view the body beforehand. Many cremation providers allow grievers to view the body before cremation, and they may have facilities for on-site services with the body present.

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What are home funerals?

Home funerals are events in which the visitation is held in the home, with the body present and the house adorned as the hosts see fit. Oftentimes, the deceased spent their last days in the home, dying in their own bed. For a home funeral, friends or family prepare the body, complete some or all of the paperwork to attain death certificates and other after-death documents, and, in some cases, may also transport the body for cremation or burial. If you choose to conduct a home funeral, make sure you are in full accordance with your state and local laws, which vary considerably. See our article on Preplanning a Home Funeral for more information. Home funerals generally bypass the embalming process, and as such, are perfect precursors to environmentally friendly green or natural burial.

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What are memorial services?

• Memorial services are remembrance events held for a deceased person whose body is not present at the time.
• Memorial services are typically preferred when the deceased or loved ones chose cremation for after death servicing.
• Memorial services vary according to scheduling and are frequently held without the body present, as much as a month or more after death. Delayed services allow family and friends to plan effectively and to gather at a convenient time and place.
• Like funerals, memorial services may be religious or nonreligious, spiritual or nondenominational.

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What are life celebrations?

• Life celebration is a more recent term for a certain kind of memorial service. There is little to specifically distinguish a life celebration from a memorial service, except that the emphasis is on celebrating the life, rather than grieving a loss.
• Life celebrations are fresh, unique affairs of laughter, tears, toasts, and music. The deceased’s favorite movie could be played in the background.
• Like memorial services, life celebrations are held without the body present.
• Like memorial services, life celebrations vary according to scheduling but are held without the body present. They can therefore be held days, weeks, or even months after death.

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What is an end-of-life celebration?

In an end-of-life celebration, loved ones can gather to celebrate the life of a dying person before the final end has come. These can closely resemble memorial services, complete with laughter, tears, and music, and they can sometimes offer the dying person’s loved ones an ideal chance to say goodbye and begin letting go. You may wish to consider this option in cases of a prolonged terminal illness, in which the last several months are expected to grow especially painful. Similar to life celebrations, end-of-life celebrations seek to emphasize the achievements of life rather than the disappointments of death, and there are many event planners around the country who are well-versed in crafting these kinds of events.

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Planning a Service

Here is a list of steps we at SevenPonds have developed to help you preplan your event.

1. Decide on the type of service.

• Is a funeral, memorial service, or a life celebration more suitable?
• Would some combination of funeral and memorial or life celebration suit your needs? For example, you might decide on a funeral service with prayers and a eulogy, along with elements more typical to a life celebration, such as popular music and dancing.
• Will you have an end-of-life celebration before death even occurs?

2. Make a list of attendees.

• Compile a list of those you would like to invite. If you are preplanning well ahead of time, make sure to keep your list up to date with current phone numbers, mailing, and e-mail addresses.
• Decide how to notify the people on the list. Do you want to mail your announcements if time allows, or would you rather e-mail your announcements? Should your primary planner make personal phone invitations? Design a paper or electronic announcement early to make sure you get the details and correct tone. You can also have one designed.
• Consider group invitations. Do you wish to send group invitations to the members of an association, such as your book club, workplace, or yoga group?

3. Select a location for your funeral, memorial service, or life celebration.

As you will have to take into consideration logistical issues such as season, number of attendees, and length of time, select your location with care. It may help to use this location checklist:

Location Checklist:

_____ Reservations

Must the location be reserved? If so, how long in advance?

_____ Weather

If outdoors, is the location practical for all seasons? If not, do you have an alternative in case of cold, wet, or extremely hot weather?

______ Space

Is the location large enough to accommodate your event? Will there be enough parking for the attendees?

______ Special Considerations

Does the location accommodate those with special considerations? If you want the family pets in attendance, is the location pet-friendly? Is it wheelchair accessible?

______ Scattering Ashes

If you plan to scatter your loved one’s ashes as part of the celebration, you will need a location in which scattering ashes is legal. Be aware that laws differ greatly by locality and type of land. Reference Cremation Solution’s webpage explaining this topic.

4. Identify one or more facilitators.

• Designated facilitators can implement your plans or speak and make introductions at the service or celebration.
• Designate one or more family members or friends, or you can hire a celebrant or a celebration planner, much as someone hires a wedding planner. Many wedding planners also coordinate life celebrations. Clergy members may be useful for memorial or secular services. Determine how you wish to divide up the tasks. For example, you may designate a relative to coordinate logistical considerations, and a friend to schedule speeches and introductions.
• One of your facilitators will probably need to speak and make introductions, so select someone with good public speaking skills.

5. Commit the details to writing.

Make sure you have easily located, detailed, and legible notes, ensuring that your designated facilitator(s) can follow your wishes. If you’re using the services of a funeral home, ask your funeral director to keep your wishes on file. (You do not have to prepay funeral expenses to do this.) Your funeral director will then be able to carry out all of your wishes when the time comes. To help you draft instructions, we have drawn up the following checklist:

The SevenPonds Who, What, Where, When, and Why Master List

Who are the memorial service or funeral facilitators?

• What considerations are already arranged?
• What will the facilitator(s) need to arrange?

Who will speak at your funeral or memorial service?

• Which family members or friends will you ask to speak?
• Will you provide them with any subject matter or length guidelines?

Who should be invited?

• Remember to keep your list of names, addresses, and e-mail addresses up to date.
• When and how should invitations be sent? Will you make any public announcements, such as an obituary?
• Do you want to include family pets or special objects in the ceremony?

What should be read?

• Do you want a traditional eulogy, or do you want everyone to read a poem or funny limerick? Do you want something in between?

Do you want music played at your funeral or memorial service? If so, what kind?

• Do you want traditional funeral music, your CD of favorite songs from the 80s, or some mix of the two?
• Do you want your favorite bluegrass band to play? Do you want a soloist on flute?

Do you want anything displayed or distributed at your funeral or memorial service?

• Do you want to display flowers, lights, or wreaths? Do you want gifts given to the survivors? Or, will you request that attendees make a donation to a pre-designated charity? Before you request flowers, SevenPonds encourages you to consider the Environmental & Social Impact of Flowers.
• Do you want anyone to participate in a particular way? Should each of your loved ones bring a significant object that connected them to your life?
• Do you want favorite photos, videos, artwork, books, or other items on display?
• Will you hire a caterer with a list of pre-selected items, or do you want friends and family to bring a dish?
• Do you want a method for remembering the memorial service or funeral for family or friends? If you want a photo album compiled or a video of the event recorded, clarify your wishes.

Where will the memorial service or funeral be held?

• Which location or locations have you chosen? If outdoors, have you planned for cases of rain, snow, or extremely warm weather?
• Have you made the necessary reservations?
• Do you need to designate funds to pay for a location?

Where will out-of-town guests stay?

• Will you make arrangements for certain people to stay in your home or with friends and relatives?
• Have you designated any funds to arrange hotel rooms, and if so, which hotels?

When will your memorial service or funeral be?

• If you are preplanning, you will not have a specific date, but you can specify an amount of time after death when you will hold your memorial service or life celebration.
• Would you prefer a funeral held shortly after death with the body present? Would you prefer a home funeral or a service held at the crematorium prior to cremation?
• Will you accommodate travel plans and airline ticket prices for certain invitees by holding your memorial service or life celebration several weeks after death?
• How much time does the facilitator need to make the necessary arrangements?
• What time of day do you want your memorial service or funeral held, and how long should it last?

Why are you having a memorial service or funeral?

• Although this may be clear to you, this may not be clear to the family or non-family facilitator(s) who will carry out the service or celebration.
• Consider the manner of your service or celebration. Will your memorial service focus on the existence of the spirit after death? Are you having a life celebration because you want to be remembered through joy rather than sorrow, or a funeral to celebrate your religious beliefs? Your facilitator(s) should understand the motivation behind your choices.
• Do you wish your life celebration to involve a record of your or your loved one’s life? Do you want family and friends to bring items you may not have already specified? Document your choices thoroughly.
• Do you want a video of your memorial service available for friends and family? Do you want an online commemoration? Again, your facilitator(s) should understand your desires.

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For more information:

“It’s My Funeral and I’ll Serve Ice Cream if I Want To“
New York Times, July 20, 2006, by John Leland

Funeral Consumers Alliance. https://www.funerals.org/

Remembering A Life. https://www.rememberingalife.com/

There are as many ways to celebrate a life as there are to live one. If you are planning the funeral or memorial service for a recently deceased loved one, rest assured, first and foremost, that it’s all up to you. There is an endless variety of celebrations, services, and traditional funeral options. By thoroughly planning your event beforehand, you can be surer that it will best reflect both your wishes, and those of the deceased.

What is a memorial service? What is a funeral? What do you need to remember when planning a funeral or memorial service? What is a life celebration? This section of SevenPonds will help to guide you through these questions. You can also see Preplanning a Funeral or Memorial Service for more information.

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Things to Know:

• Today’s services can be an eclectic mix of religion, spirituality, and life celebration.
• Funeral directors distinguish between “funerals,” where the body is present, and “memorial services,” where the body is not.
• If you are planning a funeral, with the body present, soon after death, and if no plans have yet been made, you may want to hire an event planner or celebrant to assist with logistics.
• The memorial service or funeral should be an expression of the deceased and his or her loved ones, in total accord with their wishes. As such, it is completely up to you what form your event will take.
• “Life celebration” is a newer term for a certain kind of memorial service, totally free of format, where “celebrating” rather than “mourning” is the active intent.

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What type of event can be planned?

You can plan a funeral, where the body is present, or a memorial service or life celebration, where it is not. We at SevenPonds encourage our readers to consider natural or green burial or a home funeral, should they be so inclined.

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What do funerals, memorial services, and life celebrations have in common?

A defining difference between a funeral and a memorial service is the presence of the body. The body is present at a funeral, and the body is absent at a memorial service, therefore affecting limitations on scheduling and form of after-death care, among other considerations.

The definitions of funerals and memorial services vary considerably by culture, religion, and place. They have meant different things at different times to different people. We have noticed a trend in North America towards freer interpretations, where religion is less a defining factor, and decisions are as much at the whim of the family as they are the edicts of tradition. Alternatives such as cremation, natural burial, and home funerals have further widened our options, and we encourage our readers to look into these more recently embraced grieving events. For further information, you can read our articles on Choosing Cremation, Choosing Green Burial, or Planning a Home Funeral.

• Traditional funerals are generally held in places of worship or funeral homes. But less traditional funerals, memorial services, and life celebrations can be held in places as diverse as a private home, a hotel, a public meeting space, a mountaintop, a beach, or a park.
• Funerals and memorial services may be religious or nonreligious, spiritual or nondenominational.
• Memorial services and funerals can include elements of a traditional service, including music, flowers, prayers, readings, eulogies, and sermons.
• Memorial services and funerals can also be highly nontraditional, secular affairs; they can include the sharing of stories, displays of photos or memorabilia, bouquets of organic rather than mass-produced flowers, and requests for charitable donations.
• You can hire a professional caterer, or family and friends can bring food.
• You can display objects of special meaning from the deceased’s life: photos of a favorite vacation, artwork, a handmade quilt, childhood memorabilia, awards and trophies, a motorcycle, fishing pole, or a musical instrument.
• You can play music, such as the deceased’s favorite songs, or you can hire a band to encourage singing or dancing.
• The event may last an afternoon, a day, a weekend, or even longer.

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What are funerals?

• Funerals are typically held several days following death. It may be difficult to coordinate the event if it has not been preplanned, so consider hiring an event planner.
• Bodies are typically displayed at the visitation, usually held the evening before burial so that the bereaved can pay their final respects.
• Funerals can be religious, nonreligious, or spiritual, based on the preferences of the family.
• If you choose cremation as opposed to burial but still wish to view the body to better facilitate the grieving process, you can still have a funeral. Many cremation providers allow grievers to view the body before cremation, and they may have facilities for on-site services with the body present.

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What are home funerals?

Home funerals are events in which the visitation is held in the home, with the body present and the house adorned as the hosts see fit. Friends or family prepare the body, complete some or all of the paperwork to attain after-death documents, and in some cases may also transport the body for cremation or burial after the home funeral ends. If you choose to conduct a home funeral, make sure you are in full accordance with your state and local laws, and you may wish to contact a home funeral consultant near you, through the Home Funeral Directory, for further information. See our article on Preplanning a Home Funeral for more information. Home funerals generally bypass the embalming process, and as such are perfect precursors to an environmentally friendly green burial.

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What Are Memorial Services?

• Memorial services are held according to scheduling, frequently without the body present, as much as a month or more after death. For this reason, if you have not preplanned your event, this may be an easier logistical alternative to a funeral.
• Memorial services are remembrance events held for a deceased person whose body is not present, typically preferred following a cremation.
• Like funerals, memorial services may be religious or nonreligious, spiritual or nondenominational.

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What Are Life Celebrations?

• “Life celebration” is a more recent term for a certain kind of memorial service, where the emphasis is on the word “celebration,” and grieving is less the event’s focus.
• Life celebrations are fresh and unique. They are affairs of laughter and tears, toasts and memorials; the deceased’s favorite movies can be played in the background.
• Like memorial services, the body is not present at a life celebration, and the event can therefore be held days, weeks, or even months after death.

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Are there any reasons to hold a memorial or celebration later rather than sooner?

By holding services at a later date, it is easier to gather the family and friends who want to attend. With enough preplanning before death, a more personal service may be able to proceed more quickly. See our article on Preplanning a Funeral or Memorial Service for further information.

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Planning a Funeral or Memorial Service

SevenPonds provides these steps to help with planning.

1. Decide on the type of service. 
   • Did the deceased have a known preference for a funeral or memorial service?
   • If the deceased preferred for their body to be present at their service, than you must have a funeral, and will need to quickly make the necessary legal and logistical arrangements for handling the body. SevenPonds encourages you to consider a home funeral or green burial, if you see fit.
   • Would some combination of funeral, memorial service and life celebration be suitable? For example, you may hold a memorial service with prayers and a eulogy, or a funeral with elements of a life celebration, such as popular music and dancing.
2. Make a list of attendees. 
   • Compile a list of those who will be invited. Remember to consult any of the deceased’s preplanned invitation lists.
   • Decide how to notify invitees. Do you have enough time to mail the announcements, or should you e-mail them? Should you invite them by telephone? You may wish to design a paper or electronic announcement or have one designed, and again, remember to consult any preplanned preferences documented by the deceased.
   • Consider group invitations, such as to the members of a book club, a volunteer pet rescue group, or a yoga group.
3. Select a location. The location will need to be appropriate to the service, the season, the number of attendees, and any special considerations. Refer to any preplanned arrangements or preferences documented by the deceased. It may help to use this location checklist:
   • Location Checklist:_____ ReservationsMust the location be reserved? If so, how long in advance?_____ WeatherIf outdoors, is it practical for the season? If not, is there an alternative?______ SpaceIs the location large enough? Will there be enough parking? Will the location be accessible for everyone?______ Special ConsiderationsWill the location accommodate any special considerations? If you plan to scatter the ashes you will need a location where scattering is legal. Is the location pet friendly? Is it wheelchair accessible?
4. Identify one or more facilitators.
   • Whether the funeral or memorial service was preplanned or not, you may need one or more facilitators to aid in implementation. You may designate someone other than yourself to speak or make introductions at the funeral or memorial service. Facilitators may be family members, friends, or professionals. In larger communities, you may be able to hire an event planner or celebrant, much as someone hires a wedding planner.
   • Determine who should facilitate the various tasks. For example, you may designate a relative to select music, a friend to make speeches and introductions, and a professional planner to reserve a location and arrange for catering, while you handle the invitations yourself.
5. Commit the details to writing. Write down the details, especially if your event is in only a few days and you find yourself straining to remember the various logistical concerns. You may find the following checklist helpful:
   THE SEVENPONDS WHO, WHAT, WHERE, WHEN, AND WHY MASTER LIST
   Who will facilitate the funeral or memorial service and what will they be responsible for?
   • Remember to refer to any preplans left by the deceased. Who will facilitate any prearranged details?What details will the facilitator(s) handle?
6. • Are certain friends or relatives needed to provide transportation and/or lodging for out-of-town guests?Will a particular friend or family member gather mementos of the deceased’s life and bring them to the funeral or memorial service?
   Who will speak at the funeral or memorial service?
   • Which family members or friends would the deceased have asked to speak? Did the deceased specify any particular people?Will there be any guidelines for the subject matter?
   Who should be invited?
   • Develop a list of names and addresses, phone numbers, and/or e-mail addresses. Remember to consult any preplanned invitation lists and contact information left by the deceased.When and how will you distribute invitations? What will the invitations say? Will you post a public announcement of any kind?Did the deceased want the family pets present at the event? If so, does your location allow for them?
   What should be read at the funeral or memorial service?
   • Do you, or did the deceased, want a somber eulogy, a funny limerick, or something in between?
   What music will be played?
   • Did the deceased want traditional funeral music, favorite contemporary music, or some mix of the two?Did the deceased want a favorite band or instrumental soloist to be hired to perform?
   What should invitees bring to the funeral or memorial service?
   • Should invitees bring flowers, or make donations to a pre-designated charity? Before you purchase memorial flowers, SevenPonds encourages you to consider the Environmental & Social Impact of Flowers.Did the deceased want everyone to participate in some particular way, such as by sharing a memory?Did the deceased want favorite photos, images, or artworks displayed?Will you hire a caterer with a list of pre-selected items, or do you want friends and family to each bring a dish? Did the deceased have any favorite foods or drinks?Will you commemorate the event with a photo album or a DVD recording? If so, you may consider hiring a professional photographer or videographer.
   Where will the memorial service or funeral be held?
   • Which location or locations would the deceased have preferred? If outdoors, have you made contingent plans in case of bad weather?Do you need to reserve this location? Are you able to do so with the time remaining? Will it accommodate all necessary special considerations?
   Where will out-of-town guests stay?
   • Will you need to arrange for anyone to stay in your home or with friends?Have you reserved hotel rooms for out-of-town guests?
   When will the funeral or memorial service be held?
   • Would you prefer a funeral shortly after death with the body present, or would you rather conduct the visitation at the crematorium prior to cremation? Have you considered a home funeral?Will you be able to allow time after death to accommodate travel plans and airline ticket purchases for some invitees?What time of day will the funeral or memorial service be held, and how long will it last?
   Why are you having a memorial service or funeral?

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For more information about planning a funeral or memorial service:

“It’s My Funeral and I’ll Serve Ice Cream if I Want To”
New York Times, July 20, 2006, by Christopher Mason

Funeral Consumers Alliance. https://www.funerals.org/

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Like all businesses, the funeral home or cremation retailer business has both honest and dishonest providers. However, in the funeral industry, dishonest practices can be especially effective as they can take advantage of the vulnerability of grieving family members. Fortunately, the Federal Trade Commission has a law to protect consumers of funeral goods and services, informally called The Funeral Rule. Understanding your rights can ensure that your loved one’s funeral or memorial service is a special commemorative event, one that doesn’t place unnecessary financial burden on you and your family.

What is the Funeral Rule? Who is required to follow the Funeral Rule? What is the General Price List, and what must be included on it? What should you keep in mind when purchasing a memorial or disposition service for your loved one? This SevenPonds section will answer all of these questions.

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Things to Know:

• The Funeral Rule is a Federal Trade Commission regulation that protects the rights of consumers purchasing funeral goods and services.
• Funeral providers are defined as any person or business that sells both funeral goods and funeral services. All funeral providers are required to comply with the Funeral Rule.
• Funeral providers must hand you a General Price List at the beginning of any discussion of funeral arrangements.
• General Price Lists, Casket Price Lists, and Outer Burial Container Price Lists contain itemized prices for all goods and services offered by the provider; you can select as many or as few of these items as you desire.

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What is the Funeral Rule?

The “Funeral Rule” is a Trade Regulation Rule enforced by the Federal Trade Commission, officially entitled Funeral Industry Practices. In the early 1980s, after years of consumer complaints and investigations, the FTC set out to put an end to dishonest, opportunistic funeral home practices by enacting a set of regulations for all funeral providers to follow. The Rule was adopted in 1982 and became fully effective in 1984.

The Funeral Rule applies to ALL funeral providers in the United States who offer both funeral goods and services. However, many businesses have found ways to circumvent these laws and take advantage of their customers. State funeral boards and consumer groups like the Funeral Consumers Alliance field consumer complaints; the FCA reports that as many as half of funeral providers do not comply with some part of the Funeral Rule. That’s why it is important that you understand what you are entitled to before shopping for funeral goods and services. Knowing your rights under the Funeral Rule will help make the experience smoother and less stressful for you and your family.

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Who is required to follow the Funeral Rule?

According to the Funeral Rule, a funeral provider is anyone who sells or offers both funeral goods and funeral services. The FTC defines “funeral goods” primarily as caskets and urns, while “funeral services” includes everything from care of the body and disposition services to public viewing and memorial ceremonies.

As long as a business provides both funeral goods and funeral services, it must comply with the Funeral Rule. It does not matter what you choose to purchase from them; even if you already have a casket and simply want the funeral home to conduct the burial service, they are still beholden to the Rule.

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What is the General Price List?

The General Price List, or GPL, is one of the central aspects of the Funeral Rule. Funeral providers are required by the FTC to hand you a hard copy of the GPL, listing all goods and services individually, when meeting with you in person.

Before the Funeral Rule was enacted in 1984, funeral providers would sometimes obscure the prices of specific items or bundle items into “packages,” which inevitably contained items that the consumer did not want. The Funeral Rule thus sought to counteract dishonest pricing practices by compelling funeral providers to itemize, allowing consumers to buy only the items they want.

All funeral providers are required to physically hand a General Price List to anyone who inquires about their goods or services. This includes not only consumers, but also journalists, competitors, and representatives of organizations. The physical copy of the GPL should be in your hand as soon as discussions of arrangements begin, and before you view display items like caskets. The Rule also requires funeral providers to give you prices over the phone upon request. However, it does not require businesses to email, fax, or mail you a price list, but you can request one.

This list must give itemized prices of each individual item offered by the funeral provider. All of these items are available for individual sale—no “package” should ever be necessary. Some providers may bury their itemized prices behind pages of package deals, while some may offer savings on individual items when they are bought in a package. Remember—unless you want every item in the package, it will almost always be better to select individual items as you see fit.

The Funeral Consumers Alliance recommends that you review the GPL in private: either ask the funeral provider to leave the room, or, if you have time, take it home to discuss with family members. This will allow you to contemplate your options without pressure.

Most funeral providers have separate Casket Price Lists and Outer Burial Container Price Lists. This is allowed by the Funeral Rule, as long as there is a statement on the GPL making note of it. The provider must hand you these separate lists before you view caskets or outer burial containers (also known as vaults)—there is often only a limited range of options on display, and the cheaper items may not be viewable. The lists will show you all of the casket and outer burial container options the provider has to offer.

The ONLY ITEM that you are required to purchase from any funeral provider is the basic services fee, also known as the non-declinable fee. This serves as a cover charge for the funeral provider’s overhead, taxes, and other items. It is a good idea to ask what this cost will be at the beginning of the discussion of arrangements; that way, if you feel the fee is too high, you can look into other funeral provider options.

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What must be included on the General Price List?

The General Price List must contain an itemized list of all goods and services offered by the funeral provider, with the price of each. There are six things that must be disclosed on the GPL by the funeral provider. It must tell you that:

1. You have the right to choose only the items you want to buy, aside from the basic services fee (see #4).
2. Except in certain cases, embalming is not required by law, so you have the option not to embalm. However, some funeral providers may require it if you opt for a viewing at the funeral.
3. You may opt for an alternative container, such as one made of cardboard, if you have chosen direct cremation.
4. A basic services fee will be included in the overall cost; this is the only non-declinable charge.
5. A Casket Price List is available, either separately or with the GPL.
6. An Outer Burial Container Price List is available, either separately or with the GPL.

If a local law requires the purchase of a particular good or service, that law must be stated in writing. In most cases, however, there are no state or local laws that require you to buy any particular service or merchandise. If you are unsure, contact the Funeral Consumers Alliance to discuss concerns, or purchase the chapter covering your state’s laws from Final Rights by Joshua Slocum and Lisa Carlson.

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What should you keep in mind when planning a memorial service or purchasing a disposition service for your loved one?

Make sure that you have a copy of the General Price List and have examined it thoroughly before making any decisions. Some funeral providers may “bury” itemized prices behind pages of package deals, which may cost more than you want to pay. Others might offer savings by bundling items into packages; remember, unless you truly want all of the items in a package, you are likely better off selecting goods and services individually.

It is an absolute must that you have a copy of the General Price List and, if they are separate, a Casket Price List and Outer Burial Container Price List before viewing goods on display. Oftentimes, a funeral home may not show its cheaper options, making it seem as if the caskets or containers on display are the best deal. Having the list in hand will allow you to make an informed decision on what your best option is.

If you do not see a casket or urn that you find affordable or appealing, ask what other models can be ordered. Funeral homes often have a wide selection of containers that can be shipped in from manufacturers within 24 hours. The products on display are typically a very small sampling of what is actually available.

One of the most common complaints levied against funeral providers is the charging of a fee for using a casket purchased elsewhere. This is prohibited under the Funeral Rule. As a consumer, you have the right to purchase goods at different businesses without being subjected to a “handling fee” of any kind.

The only things you are required to pay your funeral provider for are:

1. A basic services fee.
2. The goods and services you have selected from them.
3. Any goods and services required by law; the provider must show you the relevant law in writing.

If you feel your funeral provider did not comply with the Funeral Rule, you are entitled to make a complaint, though we at SevenPonds recommend trying to work out differences directly with the provider first.

As long as you are aware of the basics of the Funeral Rule, you will be free to plan the memorial service and/or disposition service that best fits the desires of you and your family, and the memory of your loved one.

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For Further Information:

Funeral Consumers Alliance
www.funerals.org

Complying with the Funeral Rule: The FTC’s Full Text of the Rule for Funeral Providers
business.ftc.gov/documents/bus05-complying-funeral-rule

Consumer Rights under the Funeral Rule: The FTC’s Guide for Consumers
www.ftc.gov/bcp/edu/microsites/funerals/

National Funeral Directors Association

The National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA) is a nonprofit that offers the public resources to help families make thoughtful decisions about funerals and tributes. Their consumer site, Remembering A Life, educates people on funeral planning, grief support, and honoring loved ones. NFDA also produces public service announcements and brochures to guide families during difficult times, and connects them to certified funeral professionals dedicated to ethical service and community support.

Funeral Consumers Alliance

The Funeral Consumers Alliance is a nonprofit organization that assists the public with funeral planning, finding goods and services and solving issues with funeral directors and funeral homes. As an industry watchdog, it also helps monitor the funeral industry to ensure that consumers are treated equitably and fairly and works with the media, regulators and legislatures throughout the U.S. to raise awareness of industry practices and trends. The organization has a network of volunteers across the U.S. as well as numerous online and print resources to help consumers “choose a meaningful, dignified, affordable funeral.” 

Contact the Funeral Consumers Alliance online or at their headquarters located at:

33 Patchen Road

South Burlington, VT 05403

802-865-8300

National Home Funeral Alliance

The National Home Funeral Alliance is a national nonprofit dedicated to educating consumers about their legal right to care for their own dead in the home. The organization offers free information to the public about the process of natural death care and the logistics of home funerals, as well as an extensive directory of home funeral guides, death doulas and other professionals who can help. It also offers a state-by-state directory of funeral laws pertaining to home funerals. 

You may contact the NHFA using its online contact form or at their headquarters located at 

11014 19th Ave SE, Ste #8, PMB #155

​Everett, WA 98208

Or via email at 

info@homefuneralalliance.org