Accepting Death & Mortality

Accepting death and mortality is essential to leading a fulfilling, meaningful life. Although many of us avoid thinking or talking about death, either our own or our loved ones’, the reality is that it is all around us. Every living creature has a finite amount of time on this Earth, and not one of us is guaranteed another second of life. We all know this on an intellectual level. But in our day-to-day lives, we are experts at denying the reality of death. 

To some extent, this death denial makes perfect sense. Living with the awareness that we can die at any moment can provoke enormous anxiety and leave us so paralyzed with fear that we fail to pursue our dreams. But the opposite is also true. Without some acceptance of the impermanence of our lives, without some willingness to see that the time to identify and live our values is now, we are more or less doomed to live on autopilot, reacting to circumstance rather than making intentional choices that align with what matters most to us. 

So, how do we begin to embrace mortality and the certainty of death? Philosophers and theologians have grappled with that question for centuries, and their conclusions differ in many respects. But almost universally, they point to the need for quiet introspection, reflection on what matters most to us, and a willingness to face the unknown with acceptance and equanimity. Some practices that may help facilitate these ends include the following.

Live Mindfully

Perhaps the single most crucial aspect of accepting death and mortality is learning to be present with what is. We humans live most of our lives in the future or the past, planning for what we will do tomorrow or ruminating about what we did or failed to do yesterday. We are so distracted by our thoughts, plans, worries, and fears that we rarely stop to experience what is happening around us in the here and now. 

Distraction is the natural state of the human mind. Thoughts, feelings and emotions flow through our brains as inexorably as the ebb and flow of the tide. We can’t stop them. But we can notice them, and by noticing, we can begin to see how fleeting they are and how little they reflect our lived experience. It takes practice — a daily period of quiet introspection during which we notice how our thoughts and feelings come and go. But eventually, this awareness allows us to view the world in a calmer, less reactive way. Fears and anxieties will not dissolve, but we can begin to view them as part of our overall experience and be less reactive and defensive when they appear. Eventually, this mindful awareness can help reduce the power that death anxiety holds over us and allow us to view our mortality with curiosity rather than fear.

Consciously Reflect on Impermanence

Human beings have an innate predisposition to belief perseverance: We tend to hold on to our deeply held beliefs even in the face of strong contradictory evidence. This tendency leads many of us to look at ourselves and our worlds as if they will never change. Despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, we instinctively deny the impermanence around us and fail to accept that entropy is the natural order of things. Even when we cannot perceive it, everything in the universe, including ourselves, constantly moves towards a state of non-being, disorder and death. 

Meditation is one avenue to embracing impermanence. Noticing the ever-changing internal landscape of our thoughts and emotions allows us to witness that our minds are in a constant state of flux. We can also meditate on the external sensations that we tend not to recognize in the busyness of our lives: the sounds, sights, and smells that are such an overlooked part of our day-to-day experience. Noticing these things regularly, even if only for a moment or two at a time, helps us to accept the ever-changing nature of life. 

Spending time in nature is yet another way to connect with impermanence. From the quality of the light as the day morphs into night to the predictable cycle of a garden as it sprouts, grows, then withers and dies, nature demonstrates the temporary nature of all things in a very tangible way. More importantly, it also allows us to see that the natural cycle of life and death is necessary for our survival — that in a very real way, death feeds life. In the words of the late Steve Jobs, “…death is very likely the single best invention of life. It is life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new.”

Lastly, make it a point to think about death for a few minutes a day to help you focus on the fact that time is, indeed, running out. Accepting that death can happen at any time is a way to live life more fully and avoid regrets at the end of life. Ask yourself: “If I knew I was going to die today, what would I do? Who would I talk to, and what would I say?” According to Dr. Ira Byock, author of “The Four Things that Matter Most”  some things most of us need to say to our loved ones are:

• Please forgive me.
• I forgive you.
• Thank you.
• I love you.

You may also want to write a letter to the important people in your life explaining your feelings, thoughts, values and beliefs in greater detail. Frisch Brandt, who founded the organization Lasting Letters, spoke to SevenPonds in an interview several years ago and suggested the following writing prompts to help you organize your thoughts. 

• Don’t forget…
• What I value about you…
• What my job has meant to me…
• What I will miss… 
• Where I turn when I seek comfort and advice…
• Favorite books and movies…
• What to do about fears…

You can do the same thing in an ethical will or heart will if you prefer. 

Talk About Your Fear of Death

Fearing death is a normal part of being human. Death is the greatest of all unknowns. Reports of near-death experiences notwithstanding, no one has ever come back from the dead to tell us what it was like. Research shows that humans maintain consciousness for about 2 to 20 seconds after breathing and circulation stop. Some scientists, like Dr. Sam Parnia, who has studied near-death experiences for nearly two decades, believe this is evidence that we know when we have died. But even with Parnia’s expansive research, we have no accurate information about what it feels like to die. 

It’s not surprising, then, that death is a terrifying concept to many of us. Even those who are not concerned about the moment of death itself typically fear the losses death entails. Having to say goodbye to loved ones and treasured friends and knowing that your death will cause pain to the ones you love are experiences few of us can contemplate without some degree of fear. 

But denying our fears can compound them, while discussing them can make them far more manageable. Whether in a structured setting like a therapist’s office or a casual conversation with close friends, talking about our fear of death can lead to a sense of shared vulnerability and deeper empathy. After all, we are all “doomed” to the same fate. Pretending that death won’t happen or that it doesn’t frighten us only makes us feel more alone. 

Live Authentically 

Living an authentic life means living in a way that is congruent with your values and deeply held beliefs. But to accomplish this, you must first fully identify and understand your core values and most precious beliefs. Unfortunately, in our society, few people take the time to consider these in any intentional way. 

In his 1997 Pulitzer Prize winning book, “The Denial of Death” Ernest Becker puts forth the hypothesis that we avoid living authentically precisely because we fear death. Although the book is far too complex to summarize here, Becker’s central theory is that humans seek immortality above all else. And they do so by striving to become “heroes” and accomplish great things. But because few of us can achieve hero status in the real world, we seek status within the construct of the society in which we live. In other words, we seek to be “more” (whether that is more wealthy, more powerful, more beautiful or more successful)  than those to whom we compare ourselves. And we do so because of our innate and all-encompassing fear of losing our identity to the anonymity of death. 

On the other hand, identifying our core values is a well-established path to managing death anxiety. According to terror management theorists, death anxiety can lead us to adopt insular and even maladaptive beliefs and behaviors as a means of protecting ourselves from feelings of isolation and vulnerability. Conversely, examining what we value most and aligning our goals and actions with those values can give us purpose and direction that, in turn, leads to resilience in the face of fear. Frank Ostaseski, an author, teacher and spiritual guide and founder of the Metta Institute further explained this concept in a 2018 interview with SevenPonds, 

“…Without an awareness of death, we tend to take life for granted, often becoming lost in endless pursuits of self-gratification. When we keep death at our fingertips, it reminds us not to hold on to life too tightly. We take ourselves and our ideas a little less seriously. We let go a little more easily. When we recognize that death comes to everyone, we appreciate that we are all in the boat together. This helps us to become a bit kinder and  gentler with one another.”

In other words, when we replace our need to avoid death with consciousness of its proximity, we can more clearly see the path that will lead us to a fuller, more meaningful life. 

If you’re unsure where to start examining your values, try creating a list of qualities you admire in others or yourself. Some often-cited examples include:

• Honesty
• Integrity
• Loyalty
• Compassion
• Self-assurance
• Family-oriented
• Kindness
• Spirituality
• Generosity
• Hard-working
• Empathy
• Loving

Try to focus on what makes the person you admire what they are rather than on what they do. Then take the time to sort through which of these qualities mean the most to you in your life and set goals based on those you have identified. 

Build a Legacy

When contemplating mortality or the inevitability of your death, it can be helpful to consider how you wish others to remember you when you are no longer alive. What can you leave behind for those who survive you to remind them of who you were and what you accomplished? Children and family are a legacy for many of us, but there are many other ways to leave a lasting imprint after you’re gone. 

Ask yourself what you can do to leave the world a little better than when you were alive, and then strive to accomplish that in the time you have left. You can do something as simple as helping to establish a community garden in your neighborhood or volunteering for an organization whose mission you believe in. If you love children, consider tutoring youngsters struggling to keep up in grade school or volunteering to coach a local Little League team. Anything you can do that serves others, whether they are your close friends, your community, or the world as a whole, leaves a legacy that others will remember after you’re gone. 

Remember, too, that your words, deeds and attitude can be a legacy in themselves. Treating others with kindness, respect and empathy can leave a lasting legacy that would make anyone proud. 

Accept that Suffering is Part of Life

In our modern world, we view suffering and discomfort as unwelcome visitors — annoyances to be eradicated as quickly as possible so we can get on with our lives. This attitude leads to avoidance of all unpleasantness. We hold on so tightly to the notion that life should be easy and carefree that we tend to use any means necessary to distract ourselves from the truth that it is anything but. As Ostaseski explains:

“Our primary human practice is to protect ourselves from discomfort. Each day consumed with distraction; surfing the Internet, watching TV, working long hours, drinking, eating. Our approach naturally leads to epidemics of alcoholism and drug abuse; compulsive overeating, gambling, and shopping; and an insecure attachment to our technological devices.” 

It also leads us to detach from our internal reality and distance ourselves from the people we value the most. 

In reality, suffering is a natural outcome of being alive in a world in which everything dies. In the words of the late spiritual teacher Stephen Levine,” Nothing is more natural than grief, no emotion more common to our daily experience. It’s an innate response to loss in a world where everything is impermanent.” Accepting that truth is difficult. But it allows us to soften to the pain of loss in a way that frees us from the need to “fix” it or make it go away. So when death does enter our lives, either in the form of a terminal diagnosis or the loss of someone we love, we can accept the normalcy of our reactions and allow grief to unfold naturally. 

Summary

In summary, accepting death and mortality is a lifelong endeavor. It’s unlikely that any of us will ever reach a point of complete acceptance of the fact that there will come a time when we will no longer be alive. But we can begin to feel more comfortable with that truth if we take the time to be fully present and live our lives with intention and authenticity.

Sources

“Being ‘mindful’ can neutralize fears of death and dying.” ScienceDaily. www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/02/110228151800.htm

“Why do we maintain the same beliefs, even when we are proved wrong?” The Decision Lab. https://thedecisionlab.com/biases/belief-perseverance

“After death, you’re aware that you’ve died, say scientists”. Big Think. https://bigthink.com/surprising-science/after-death-youre-aware-that-youve-died-scientists-claim

“Terror Management Theory”. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/terror-management-theory

Different cultures can offer diverse perspectives regarding the acceptance of mortality, many of which reflect the vast expanse of beliefs, traditions, and values that exist around the world. These perspectives influence the attitudes that people hold about death as well as how they react to grief and loss. They also provide insight into practices that may follow directly after a death has occurred. 

Western societies often have perspectives that frame mortality in the context of the afterlife or spiritual transcendence. Due to this perspective, some individuals seek to live according to spiritual or religious beliefs that emphasize the importance of actions taken and how they influence the overall outcome and experience of the afterlife. This spiritual or religious context can help some individuals to accept their mortality as they take a proactive approach in preparing for their transition from life to death.

Many Eastern cultures are influenced by Buddhist and Hindu philosophies. These beliefs often emphasize the transience and cyclical nature of life. Some emphasize the acceptance of mortality through understanding that death is another component of the cosmic order. Practices of mindfulness and meditation can help individuals achieve acceptance, if not a greater sense of peace, surrounding the overall inevitability of death as part of life.

Secular or humanistic views are also particularly prominent across many modern cultures. These perspectives examine the acceptance of mortality through an existential, philosophical, or ethical lens. Individuals who accept their mortality in these contexts often express having a greater sense of interconnectedness with others and draw deeply on the meaning of personal experience. 

Some Indigenous cultures honor the connection between the natural world and spirits of ancestors, acknowledging the unique balance that must be maintained to achieve harmony. The acceptance of mortality is interwoven with these beliefs, understanding that death is a natural part of life. Indigenous cultures may also emphasize the impact of death in the context of the larger community and the experience of collective grief. 

Every culture has its own customs, rites, and practices that reflect the nuances of how we understand death and dying in our world. Although some cultures may have similarities in how death is approached and acknowledged, it is important not to generalize them; all are unique and hold their own significance. Cultural beliefs and practices shape our attitudes regarding death and help us to process the wide range of emotions that emerge with grief and the experience of loss. Exploring and remaining curious about cultural perspectives on death and dying can broaden existing perceptions beyond our own lens and, likewise, enrich our understanding of our collective relationship with mortality.

Sources

“Death and Dying: How Different Cultures View the End”. Country Navigator. https://www.countrynavigator.com/blog/death-and-dying-how-different-cultures-view-the-end

The perception of mortality and methods for coping can vary among different age groups depending on their developmental stages and the experiences that have shaped their perspectives and attitudes toward death. Understanding how different age groups perceive and conceptualize death makes providing meaningful support following a loss easier. It can also provide insight into helpful approaches when someone is navigating the process of coming to terms with their mortality.

Children and adolescents often encounter death through the loss of a loved one or a pet. Due to their developmental stages, they may conceptualize death more literally or imaginatively, depending on the circumstances and how adults have explained it. Sometimes, they may be very emotional about death, but they may not know how to express how they are feeling. They may have concerns or fears that they are going to die, too, after experiencing the loss of a friend, family member, or pet. Helping children and adolescents cope with mortality often involves having age-appropriate conversations with them and exploring creative outlets that enable them to express themselves. Using straightforward language and breaking down concepts gradually, asking them questions, and answering questions they may have are all excellent ways to help them navigate their concerns about mortality. 

Young adults tend to have significantly different perceptions of mortality in comparison to the former age group. Individuals in this stage of life often focus on pursuing their careers, forming meaningful relationships, exploring their independence, or even starting a family. Many have encountered multiple losses at this point in their lives. Yet, while they are aware of the brevity of life, they don’t frequently reflect on mortality or prepare for it the same way as older adults. However, they do begin to explore existential questions and reflect on mortality following the loss of a loved one, especially if the death was sudden and unexpected. Individuals in this age group often benefit from coping strategies such as self-care, pursuing personal growth, and seeking peer support. 

Middle-aged adults usually have achieved many of the goals they pursued during their younger years and have established a family or a close-knit social circle. They are frequently more focused on building on these prior accomplishments and are deeply invested in their personal growth and development. Many individuals in this group reflect on their legacy and what they want to achieve in the following years. They also tend to have greater awareness of their aging and mortality, which often prompts reflection. Individuals in this age group are more open to making lifestyle changes, evaluating their priorities, and seeking ways to maximize their fulfillment or quality of life. Similarly, they are more likely to focus on long-term planning for final arrangements, advance directives, estate plans, and beyond. 

Older adults comprise the last group of individuals to explore perceptions of mortality. They are aware of their increased proximity to death, especially concerning their health. Many individuals in this age group focus on making changes or contributions that will impact the lives of individuals in future generations. Others focus on their experience and exploration of a new identity during retirement or look inward as they conduct a life review. Options such as legacy-building activities, support groups, and investing in meaningful connections with loved ones are common coping strategies for this age group. Many individuals also focus on reconciliation or pursuing spiritual or religious beliefs to increase their peace before the end of life. 

Sources

“A Child’s Concept of Death”. Stanford Medicine. https://www.stanfordchildrens.org/en/topic/default?id=a-childs-concept-of-death-90-P03044

“Developmental Stages, Death, and Dying”. ALS Association. https://www.als.org/sites/default/files/2020-09/Table_Developmental-Stages.pdf

Coming to terms with the reality of death is a process, not an event. According to Erickson’s theory of psychosocial development (1963), humans move through a series of eight stages from infancy to adulthood, each one of which is spurred by a psychosocial “crisis’ ‘ or need. Based heavily on the teachings of Freud, Erikson’s theory holds that an individual must complete the tasks associated with each life stage in order to develop certain “virtues”  that allow them to function as an adult. He also believed that psychosocial growth continues throughout life, including into old age. 

According to Erikson, the central struggle of aging individuals (age 65-plus) is between ego integrity and despair. In this psychosocial model, people begin to look back on their accomplishments as they approach the end of their lives. As we do so, we come to certain conclusions about how successful we have been in achieving our life goals. If we view our lives as mostly successful, we develop a sense of ego integrity — that is, we feel good about ourselves and what we have done. This, in turn, leads to wisdom, which Erikson defines as a sense of completion and the ability to look at our approaching death without fear. 

On the other hand, people who look back at their lives and see a series of failures and regrets fall into a state of despair, or so Erikson surmised. They find it difficult to believe that their lives were worthwhile or meaningful. This can lead to hopelessness, depression, and a more pervasive fear of death.

Erikson’s theory notwithstanding, aging individuals can find a way to deal with regrets without falling into a state of despair. In her wonderful book, “On Living,” Kerry Egan writes about the ubiquitous nature of regret and the importance of coming to terms with the things we have kept hidden from others before we die. It’s hard work, she warns. But acknowledging that we have done things we wish we hadn’t done (or failed to do things we wish we had) and accepting that we are still worthwhile is one of our most important tasks as we approach the end of our lives. Egan writes:

“If you want to be saved from your present suffering, you must be willing to change and be changed in the present. That change can be tangible… But it can also be a change in perception. This, in fact, is the harder change. A change of perception to knowing you are enough, and have been since birth, to seeing a world suffused in love and swimming in beauty, despite loneliness, despite pain, despite illness, loss, trauma, and even atrocity—now that’s hard. That seems impossible. Yet it happens, again and again, and again.” 

Accepting that we are imperfect beings allows us to look at the good and bad in our lives and find meaning in both. And it gives us the freedom to face death with a sense of equanimity and peace. 

Sources

“Erik Erikson’s Stages of Psychosocial Development”. Simply Psychology. https://www.simplypsychology.org/erik-erikson.html

The concept of conscious dying is an outgrowth of the Buddhist tradition of living a fully present, authentic life. It was first introduced in the West over 30 years ago by spiritual teachers like Stephen Levine, Ram Dass, Dale Borglum and Jack Kornfield. In straightforward terms, it is about using the knowledge of death as a certainty as a means of spiritual awakening and healing, using specific practices that help guide a person toward a “graceful death.” 

According to its proponents, the ability to die consciously relies on one’s ability to live with and accept the inevitability of death. As conscious dying Guide Deb Grant told SevenPonds in an interview in 2018, “The term conscious dying refers to recognizing the fact that death is inevitable and living with that knowledge consciously. In our society, death is still a taboo subject. No one wants to talk about it. People can be at the end of their lives and never have had a conversation with anyone about what dying means to them — not their spouse, or their family members or even their physician. They have no relationship with death, and so they approach it with anxiety and fear.”

The concept of conscious dying encompasses the belief that our bodies are just temporary vessels and that letting go of them is not something to fear. This belief is based on the Buddhist philosophy of “temporary abode,” which signifies that the body is ”a fleeting shelter for the life essence.” Stephen Levine’s seminal work “Who Dies?” explores this concept in depth, urging the reader to accept the reality that, in some future universe, they are already dead, and open to the possibilities that allow. Levine writes: 

“ ( When) we take each teaching, each loss, each gain, each fear, each joy as it arises and experience it fully, life becomes workable. We are no longer a “victim of life.” And then every experience, even the loss of our dearest one, becomes another opportunity for awakening.”

Spiritual teachers who guide people in conscious dying say it begins with conscious living — that is, living fully in the present with the knowledge that each moment may be our last. Ram Dass explains this idea in “Polishing the Mirror: How to Live from Your Spiritual Heart “when he writes: 

“Death is another moment. If you’re not peaceful today, you probably won’t be peaceful tomorrow. …If we are aware that death can happen at any moment, we start to work on ourselves more constantly, paying attention to the moment-to-moment content of our minds. If you practice being here now, being fully in the moment during your life, if you are living in that space, then the moment of death is just another moment.”

These are profound concepts and may not appeal to everyone. But for those who wish to find a way to approach the end of life with a modicum of grace and equanimity, they may offer a path to that end.  

Sources

Living/Dying Project. https://livingdying.org/

“Significance of Temporary abode”. Wisdom Library. https://www.wisdomlib.org/concept/temporary-abode

“Who Dies?: An Investigation of Conscious Living and Conscious Dying”. Stephen Levine. https://www.amazon.com/Who-Dies-Investigation-Conscious-Living/dp/0385262213

People choose to die alone for various reasons, often shaped by their personal preferences and perceptions of the impact of their death on loved ones. While it is widely assumed that a “good death” requires the presence of others, a growing body of research and clinical experience challenges this assumption. Research has shown that older adults do not have a negative perception of dying alone and that many hospice nurses believe that some patients wait for family members and loved ones to leave the room before dying. When this occurs, it may be an attempt to protect loved ones who might be upset by witnessing their death. For some people, the decision to die alone represents a final act of autonomy, a way to shield loved ones from distress, or a continuation of a lifelong preference for privacy.

Contemporary research suggests that older adults do not universally view dying alone in a negative light since the preference for solitude at the end of life is generally more common. Some believe that dying alone is less problematic in comparison to the loss of independence or relying on support from others. Likewise, in many instances, “lone deaths” are not always the result of social abandonment or isolation, but can also occur due to having loved ones who are geographically dispersed, small social circles, or maintaining a privacy preference. Similarly, although solitary or lone deaths are often considered to be a “bad” death by others, some people prefer to die alone, even if they know their significant others would not approve.

Ultimately, the choice to die alone is often a complex and deeply personal one. Since many factors influence someone’s decision to die alone, we shouldn’t always assume that such a death has a negative connotation. Recognizing that these are valid, autonomous choices is a crucial step toward providing compassionate, person-centered care at the end of life.

Sources

“For some people dying alone is not such a bad thing – here’s why”. The Conversation. https://theconversation.com/for-some-people-dying-alone-is-not-such-a-bad-thing-heres-why-90034

“‘I’ve no fear of dying alone’: exploring perspectives on living and dying alone”. Mortality. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/13576275.2017.1413542

“New research suggests dying alone is sometimes a choice, not a tragedy”. University of Nottingham. https://www.nottingham.ac.uk/news/dying-alone

“Time of death: Some patients prefer to die alone.” PalliMed. https://www.pallimed.org/2016/03/time-of-death-some-patients-prefer-to.html?m=0

“Disenfranchised loneliness: Dying singly in a communal world”. Innovation in Aging. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6230182/

Some sociocultural and psychological factors that drive the fear of death include pain, suffering, the unknown, loss of control, and how society has shaped our perspectives and attitudes about death. Death is inevitable and inescapable, yet it remains a deeply held fear among many people.

The fear of the unknown and non-existence are closely linked. It is impossible to fully understand death or know exactly how, when, and where it will occur. This sense of uncertainty causes fear and anxiety. The concept of thoughts, feelings and memories ceasing to exist is equally uncomfortable for many people, especially since the possibility of non-existence is contrary to what we have lived in our shared human experience. Some people pursue spiritual or religious beliefs to help address the fear of non-existence, but still maintain some fear of the unknown. 

The loss of control is another common factor in the fear of death. Death cannot be permanently prevented, although life-extending technologies and life-saving interventions can temporarily delay it. People generally aim to maintain autonomy and control over their lives, so it can be unsettling to realize that one cannot effectively control death. Similarly, some people don’t fear the loss of control regarding death itself. But they do fear the loss of control associated with the loss of bodily function and the ability to care for themselves as death becomes more imminent. 

Another common reason people fear death is its association with pain and suffering. The idea of experiencing mental or physical pain for an unknown length of time as death approaches can induce fear and anxiety. Some people associate death with pain due to how they have seen it depicted in movies or television programs. Others develop this fear due to negative experiences witnessing family members or loved ones receive ineffective pain management in end-of-life settings. 

Society and culture are also largely responsible for shaping our perspectives, attitudes, and beliefs about death. Some cultures demonstrate more awareness and positivity about death than others, but many cultures have associated death with elements of punishment, suffering, pain, or stigma. Many societies portray death negatively throughout literature, media, and religion. When these implications are paired with a lack of open communication about death, it can further contribute to the denial of death and the emergence of death anxiety. 

The fear of death is a complex phenomenon influenced by numerous factors. However, understanding why people fear death is often the first step in confronting and conquering this fear. Although the fear of death is normal, it shouldn’t become overwhelming or interfere with daily activities and experiences. Our reflections on death may even be beneficial. Ultimately, acknowledging and exploring the understanding of individual and collective mortality can foster a greater appreciation of life while encouraging us to live more mindfully in the present. 

Sources

“Fear of death or fear of the unknown?” MedCrave Online Journal of Surgery. https://medcraveonline.com/MOJS/MOJS-11-00222.pdf

“Managing Fear”. Cancer Support Community. https://www.cancersupportcommunity.org/article/managing-fear

“Death anxiety: The fear that drives us?” Medical News Today. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/318895

“What Thinking About Death Does for the Living” The Atlantic. https://www.theatlantic.com/newsletters/archive/2023/05/philosophers-death-living/673978/

Terror Management Theory (TMT) posits that humans have an inherent fear of death and mortality, which drives them to seek ways to create a legacy that will be “immortal.” TMT suggests that people cope with anxiety toward death by making decisions that provide a sense of purpose and significance, and bolster their self-esteem. This can look like leaning deep into cultural beliefs and values, thus affirming their place in a “significant” group that will live on after their death. This isn’t necessarily a positive trait — when people cling more strongly to their cultural norms, they can exhibit increased nationalism or prejudice against those who don’t share their beliefs. 

First developed by psychologists Sheldon Solomon, Jeff Greenberg, and Tom Pyszczynski in the 1980s, and expanded on in a Greenberg/Solomon book in 2015, the foundation of the theory is based on a 1973 book by anthropologist Ernest Becker. Critics of the theory assert that the original studies on which TMT is based cannot be replicated, but the concept continues to resonate with many.

Sources

“Terror Management Theory”. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/terror-management-theory

“Understanding Terror Management Theory”. Psych Central. https://psychcentral.com/health/terror-management-theory

The fear of death often has a detrimental impact on quality of life and mental well-being. The impact of this fear can manifest in a variety of ways and may prevent some individuals from pursuing new activities or experiencing fulfillment. Individuals with a history of mental health disorders may find that their symptoms worsen, while those who have no history of mental illness may develop symptoms of depression, anxiety and other disorders.

Individuals who have a fear of death are often affected by persistent stress or anxiety, which may prevent them from being fully present and engaged in their daily routines. Some individuals choose to limit potentially enjoyable experiences or new activities due to a fear that they may die or experience loss. Preoccupation with their fear of death can make it difficult to enjoy even those kinds of experiences typically deemed safe, which can also contribute to a noticeable decrease in the quality of life. 

Some individuals may experience a significant strain in their relationships with others. Since the fear of death can prevent individuals from actively participating and being engaged in experiences, they may withdraw from social interactions and become less invested in their relationships. The overarching fear of death may also influence and impair their decision-making, further contributing to avoidant behaviors and a reduction in overall reasoning. 

Additionally, the impact of the fear of death may result in adverse effects on physical health. These effects may manifest as disrupted sleep, changes to appetite, weakened immune function, and potential threats to cardiovascular health. 

Given the broad extent of the impact caused by the fear of death, individuals who struggle with this fear are encouraged to pursue support and guidance from mental health professionals. Through options such as talk therapy and other interventions, individuals can learn to understand and manage their fear of death while learning to gradually become more receptive to new experiences in life. 

Sources

“The Interactive Factors Contributing to Fear of Death”. Frontiers in Psychology. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9211025/

The anxiety surrounding death and mortality can be reduced and alleviated through implementing a variety of therapeutic interventions and strategies. Although the anxiety associated with death and mortality is often intense, actions that promote resilience and emotional well-being can help counterbalance its impact. Several options can help individuals take practical steps towards reducing anxiety and distress. 

Seeking guidance and support from a mental health professional is often the first step in addressing the anxiety associated with death and mortality. Mental health professionals, such as counselors or therapists, can guide individuals through evidence-based treatments and interventions to increase the likelihood of alleviating their fears. Therapists and counselors can provide a supportive and non-judgmental environment that can make it easier for individuals to confront their fears and anxieties regarding death. 

Interventions such as meditation and mindfulness are also effective methods to reduce anxiety. Through practicing mindfulness and meditation, individuals can focus on awareness of the present and cultivate a greater appreciation for what exists in the moment. This helps them to redirect their thoughts away from their fears of death. Achieving moments of peace and focused intentionality through meditation may allow individuals to gradually become less preoccupied by their thoughts of the future. 

Some individuals find it helpful to pursue activities and habits that support their physical well-being. Exercising regularly, having a balanced diet, getting enough sleep on a consistent basis, and incorporating more self-care are all common recommendations. Taking better care of oneself can improve resilience and make it easier to draw on inner strength when feeling overwhelmed by anxious thoughts.

Finally, many people worry about death and mortality due to a larger fear of the unknown. Another effective method for addressing these concerns is to explore death education through literature, podcasts, death cafes, or other opportunities. Learning more about death and mortality can help individuals overcome stigma and potentially find answers or more insight into topics of concern. When individuals feel more informed about mortality and what to expect in regard to death, they often hold less fear and anxiety surrounding this topic.

Sources

“A guide to understanding thanatophobia (fear of death)”. Medical News Today. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/321939

“Is It Possible to Ease the Fear of Death? 9 Tactics to Help”. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/changepower/202003/is-it-possible-to-ease-the-fear-of-death-9-tactics-to-help

Philosophical and spiritual beliefs influence the acceptance of mortality by providing frameworks that help individuals conceptualize the meaning of life and death. These frameworks influence the attitudes and perspectives that individuals develop regarding transcendence or the afterlife, which further shape how individuals process the loss of a loved one. There is much that remains unknown about death. Many individuals find that philosophical and spiritual beliefs provide a helpful structure when seeking answers to some fundamental questions surrounding life’s purpose and what happens after death. 

Philosophical and spiritual beliefs often prompt individuals to pursue a path of self-discovery and seek their life purpose. These beliefs often emerge when people seek meaning in their lives or navigate the experience of processing their loss. Some individuals find that the belief in an afterlife, reincarnation, or spiritual transcendence helps them to cope with the loss of a loved one or to feel less anxious about their eventual death. Since many philosophical and spiritual beliefs come with rituals, practices, and guidance regarding the principles of living a purposeful life, these components can also help individuals accept their mortality since there is often a sense of comfort or solace in living a life enriched according to these values. As these individuals approach death, they may feel that they have fulfilled their purpose in life or that they will experience a peaceful death due to their adherence to their philosophical and spiritual beliefs. 

Many of these beliefs also have a more extensive narrative, which helps individuals embrace their mortality while navigating a much larger spiritual journey. The self-perception of existing beyond the physical realm can influence some individuals to accept their mortality in the context of viewing death as transitioning from one realm of life into another. Ultimately, philosophical and spiritual beliefs provide comfort, wisdom, meaning, and purpose when exploring perceptions of life and death. 

Sources

“The association between death anxiety with spiritual experiences and life satisfaction in elderly people”. Electronic Physician. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5407231/

The contemplation of mortality often influences individuals to reconsider their priorities and live more intentionally. Understanding that there is a level of brevity and uncertainty to life can prompt individuals to refocus on living their lives to the fullest and appreciating circumstances or experiences in the present moment. It often empowers individuals to approach their lives with a newfound purpose and gratitude. 

When we conceptualize the idea of a lifetime based on the average human lifespan and the various interventions that are now available to extend life, the quantifiable experience of a lifetime can seem extensive. Aging and eventually reaching the milestone of becoming an older adult may seem too far away for some individuals to consider planning for the future. However, the reality is that there isn’t a guarantee that anyone will reach the average human lifespan, and life is often shorter than we realize. 

Death is an inevitable part of the human experience; it affects all individuals, regardless of age or any other demographic. This realization becomes all the more evident as we increase our proximity to loss and death-related experiences. A loved one, coworker, or another individual in our social circle who experiences loss may prompt us to contemplate our mortality, by proxy, as we are faced with a stark and ever-present reminder: death is part of life. Our proximity to these experiences reminds us that we can also be affected by death, and eventually, we will also die.

Understanding the transience of life, a shift in focus begins to emerge. The need to reprioritize goals and reconnect with loved ones becomes more crucial than ever before. Many individuals discover their motivation and gradually eliminate activities or tasks that don’t contribute to their personal growth or fulfillment. Those frequently distracted or overwhelmed by stressful circumstances begin to pursue new routines and responsibilities that allow them to live a slower, more intentional life rather than the typical struggle of a busy schedule. 

Contemplating mortality encourages individuals to allow themselves to be fully present in the moment and gain a new sense of gratitude. They understand the limited time available to share with loved ones and gain a greater appreciation for moments spent together. Many begin to find enjoyment and peace from simple experiences they might have overlooked before. The contemplation of mortality enables individuals to appreciate the relationships and experiences that enrich their lives, which ultimately helps them to live more authentically.

Sources

“How the Contemplation of Death Can Lead to Meaning in Life”. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/4000-mondays/202306/how-the-contemplation-of-death-can-lead-to-meaning-in-life

“Thinking About Death Can Make Life Better”. Scientific American. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/thinking-about-death-can-make-life-better/

Coming to terms with your mortality refers to the process of acknowledging and accepting the inevitability of death. It is often a deeply personal and introspective process that prompts individuals to reflect on the overall brevity of life, the value of defining a legacy, and the importance of pursuing their priorities. Like many aspects of the human experience, life is temporary. 

Death is a topic that many individuals are uncomfortable thinking about or discussing openly with others. Most are unwilling to address the matter of death until it cannot be avoided any further, such as when they are faced with handling final arrangements or attending a funeral. Additionally, death is often mistakenly generalized into association with aging, so some people avoid facing their mortality due to the assumption that it doesn’t matter as long as they are healthy and youthful. To come to terms with your mortality is to gain awareness of the fragility of life, including our own, and to understand how the inevitability of a future death shapes life as we know it in the present. 

The experience of coming to terms with mortality is also an invitation to understand ourselves on a deeper level. It is an experience of self-discovery since it often prompts individuals to reevaluate their priorities and reflect on the impact that they want to make in the world around them. For some individuals, it may be the first time that they consider their actions in the greater context of defining a legacy. For others, it might lead to the pursuit of personal growth, healing from past trauma, and reconciling with estranged loved ones. 

Although the process of coming to terms with mortality varies for everyone, it is often a highly transformative journey. Many individuals find that as they learn to embrace their mortality, they also learn to embrace newfound elements of their human experience. Ultimately, most find that they achieve a profound acceptance of death as a natural aspect of life and a greater understanding of the importance of living with intentionality. 

Sources 

“5 Strategies for Accepting Your Mortality”. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/mindful-anger/201707/5-strategies-accepting-your-mortality 

“Embracing Mortality: Steps to Accepting Death”. Love to Know. https://www.lovetoknow.com/life/grief-loss/learning-how-accept-death-your-own-mortality